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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect a lift home from station?

101 replies

feduptiredcommuter · 12/01/2017 16:22

Have done a 7 hour round trip journey today. Wanted a lift from station as it's pissing it down, I'm tired and aching.

Phoned my DC, who is dropping a mate home so can't come and get me. Even though it's my bloody car!

It's only a 10 min walk but AIBU?

OP posts:

FrancisCrawford · 12/01/2017 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ragwort · 12/01/2017 18:18

The OP said her son was 'just on his way to drop his mates off' - so he hadn't even left home yet and could have said that he needed to pick Mum up and then he would drop them off later, what's so hard about that?

FuzzyWizard · 12/01/2017 18:21

I don't understand what you wanted him to do. He'd already started the journey and the car was full. You weren't able to wait at the station as there's no shelter and he couldn't get there within 25 mins. Were you expecting him to leave the friends by the roadside somewhere? It sound like just bad luck, I don't see how he's done anything wrong.

2rebecca · 12/01/2017 18:22

If he had actually left the house and was on his way to drop off his friends then it would be less than 40 minutes as he would have done part of the trip already so the OP would only have had 5 minutes or so to wait at the station for him. If they hadn't yet left then he should have told his mates they had to wait until he'd picked his mum up or make their own way home.
I still feel giving 3 people lifts in someone else's car when you aren't working is taking the piss though.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 12/01/2017 18:34

YANBU but the walk will do you good a as government guidelines recommend 30 minutes of exercise a day.

Original poster

feduptiredcommuter · 12/01/2017 18:41

I'm happy normally to walk but in sleety rain at the end of a 7, almost 8 hour journey where I'd been standing up in discomfort for the final part, I think I'm entitled to a bloody lift.

He wasn't at home, at another mates. Sorry if that wasn't clear - he was just setting off from there when I arrived. He could have come to get me and then gone back for them, or just let them make their own way home but chose not to.

He doesn't get given any petrol money by friends afaik, he has an allowance from his dad and uses that for the car.

OP posts:

Megatherium · 12/01/2017 18:50

I couldn't have phoned him any sooner as I wouldn't have known what time train I was going to be on.

Surely you had a rough idea? Couldn't you have phoned to say you would need a lift back, you didn't know what train you would be on but it would be around (say) 3-3.30, and you'd phone again once you knew precisely?

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 12/01/2017 18:52

why doesn't he work

Trifleorbust · 12/01/2017 18:55

Take the keys back and only give them to him when you know you don't need the car?

Original poster

feduptiredcommuter · 12/01/2017 19:25

He's looking for work, allegedly.

I will be taking the keys back.

OP posts:

SingaSong12 · 12/01/2017 19:43

I presume you didn't already have rules in place about how far your DC can drive/amount of petrol he can use.

I'd need slightly more information about the arrangements your DC had made and their circumstances. He wasn't expecting to collect you. Did the friends need to get home for a particular time. Would the walk home for them be safe (would another of them have dropped everyone off if your son hadn't?)

BackforGood · 12/01/2017 19:55

I understand that you are feeling grumpy after a difficult day, but YABVU.

I have an 18 yr old who uses my car whenever she can, so am in the same boat, but the crucial point is communication.

If you wanted a lift, you should have texted him earlier in the day saying that you were going to need picking up from the station when you got back. That you didn't yet know exactly what train you'd be on, but it would be sometime between X and Y. That way he could have taken his friends earlier or later or not at all. It really isn't his fault that he was using the car elsewhere when you happened to call.

FrancisCrawford · 12/01/2017 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mix56 · 13/01/2017 07:48

if he had 3 people in the car, the 3 "friends", could squash up in the back he could have done a detour to collect you. He could have been anywhere.

TheViceOfReason · 13/01/2017 12:28

YABU (on the basis of what you've said here).

You freely lent him the car with no caveat about picking you up.

He didn't refuse - he was not able to drop everything and be there in 25 minutes.

TheViceOfReason · 13/01/2017 12:31

Turn it round:

I am out of work so currently don't have my own car and borrowed my husbands car. I was at a friends and had agreed to drop 3 friends home on the way. My husband called me and said he needed to be collected in 25 minutes time. I said i wasn't able to as had already agreed to give 3 others a lift and that would take 40 mins. My husband has now said I am no longer allowed to borrow his car and thinks i can just magic up a job and pay for a car. Is he being unreasonable?

You'd get a chorus of no, he's being a twat, he should have given you more notice or sucked up having to walk home - you'd already promised 3 others a lift.

More to the point, if you knew when your train would get in, why didn't you phone a taxi to meet you at the station when your train got in?

GinIsIn · 13/01/2017 12:36

You agreed to let him use the car, didn't tell him you'd need a lift and are now throwing a strop because he couldn't make it in time to pick you up, which he didn't know about until 20 mins beforehand. YABU, and taking the keys back just because of this one incident seems a bit petty and spiteful!

HouseworkIsASin10 · 13/01/2017 12:38

Selfish little shit. Don't let him use the car again!

He's swanning around like a taxi for his mates and leaves his mum in the pissing down rain

Artandco · 13/01/2017 12:46

Your fault here. You let him use the car, with no warning you might need a lift later last minute

You could have said I'm not sure exact times but I guess between 4-6pm I will need a lift, will call you when half hour away so can you please make any plans to go anywhere to be back by 4pm, and then free from 6pm again
He wasn't at home, at a friends, and had already scheduled something else with friends as you didn't say anything. It's a 10 mins walk so he probably wasn't expecting it anyway

MillionToOneChances · 13/01/2017 12:48

If he was just setting off from a mate's then he prioritised them over you and you're right to be upset and get your keys back.

BackforGood · 13/01/2017 15:34

It's not a case of prioritising friends over op, its a case of he was already doing something when op called ~ she hadnt given any indication / warning he might be needed. He's (presumably) not a mind reader. Being unemployed doesn't mean you are sitting 'on standby' all day, every day on the offchance your Mum wants a favour.

Lweji · 13/01/2017 15:54

There is a big difference between a mother and son and spouses.
Still, giving friends a lift home could probably wait, particularly over your mother or husband, who had been working and were tired from the trip.

Lweji · 13/01/2017 15:55

And, if I understood it correctly, when the OP arrived at the station, her son was leaving with his friends, but she had called earlier.
He could easily have gone to the station to pick her up, then go back to his friends to take them home. It would have been a small delay for them.

FrancisCrawford · 13/01/2017 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WyfOfBathe · 13/01/2017 16:17

You should have made it clear in advance that he would need to pick you up today - and that a condition of him having use of the car is that he picks you up.

He had already promised a lift to his mates, when you phoned up just as he was leaving with them. I wouldn't be happy if a friend promised me a lift home and then changed his mind to pick someone else up just as we were going out.

Presuming this is the first "incident", rather than taking the keys off him today why not sit down with DS and set out the rules. If anything happens again, then you take the keys off him.

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