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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About "friend's" racist Facebook post

128 replies

laurzj82 · 11/01/2017 10:07

A friend of mine has form for posting anti Muslim crap on her Facebook feed. A few arguments about it. Really annoys me but we've know each other for years and years and offline the subject doesn't come up and we get on really well. I'm going to just unfollow her but we will still be "friends" if that makes sense.

Anyway she posted a picture of a bacon sandwich saying this shouldn't be allowed to be offensive, share if you agree.

AIBU or is this complete crap? I don't have a Muslim friend I could ask but surely no one is going to be offended by that any more than I would be of a picture of their halal dinner?? Sorry if I am wrong and if I have offended anyone I apologise. I genuinely want to know if it is offensive or if it's just one of those stupid Britain First posts that make up that muslims are offended by such and such and then post it everywhere.

Sorry for typos; on a new phone.

TIA

OP posts:
MrsDustyBusty · 11/01/2017 10:33

She's pretty clear that nobody is permitted to be offended by bacon sandwiches, presumably including vegetarians or vegans.

You could purposely misunderstand if you were feeling mischievous, OP.

user892 · 11/01/2017 10:34

By sharing such memes, she's trying to stir up and rouse anti-islamic feeling. It doesn't matter if she doesn't say such things to your face - it's who she is inside. She's joining in with those who seek to incite hatred and division. By being friendly to her face and not calling her out on it, are you sort of being permissive? She might assume her online / offline friends therefore agree, even if you've not 'liked' the post.

BillSykesDog · 11/01/2017 10:35

It's a reference to a case where a man was sentenced to a year in jail for leaving bacon bacon sandwiches outside a mosque along with a sign which said 'no mosques'.

Earlgreywithmilk · 11/01/2017 10:39

I think your friend is maybe just a little lacking in grey matter?

Of course a bacon sandwich isn't offensive to Muslims and I'm sure my Muslim friends would agree. But leaving one outside a mosque with a poster saying "no mosques" is a disgusting, racist attack. And if she knows the backstory to the bacon sandwich then yes, she is racist.

alsmutko · 11/01/2017 10:39

A reletaive posted a 'share if you agree schools should put on a nativity play at christmas' meme. The implication being, presumably, that some schools don't for fear of offending some particular group, which probably doesn't mean Jehovah's Witnesses. At DD's primary, they were the only group refusing to have anything to do with the annual Christmas concert.

Dawndonnaagain · 11/01/2017 10:41

and offline the subject doesn't come up and we get on really well.
Pleased to hear you get on well with her offline, you do know she's still a racist though?

AliceThrewTheFookingGlass · 11/01/2017 10:42

I imagine they would be offended by the photo itself but they would find the intent behind sharing it offensive.

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/01/2017 10:43

Really doesn't have much going on in the brains department, does she?

WatchingFromTheWings · 11/01/2017 10:44

I'd unfriend and report to FB.

FB won't give a shit. Someone on my friends list was posting pics of bombings allegedly carried out by muslims; dismembered bodies, bloodied limbs, headless corpses. I reported every single one. It didn't go against their guidelines apparently and they left every picture up. I very quickly deleted and blocked him.

Original poster
laurzj82 · 11/01/2017 10:44

Thanks for your replies. Think I just just needed validation that I'm not over thinking. I always pull her up on it and post a reply about why it's not true etc I think to be honest she's just doesn't think and clicks share. Not that that's an excuse.

We had a big argument about it a year or so ago when she first posted something similar as I had no idea previously she had such extreme views. I said I was concerned about her being around my DD in case she said something similar in RL. We had a heart to heart and she promised she would never mention anything in front of her but that sort of thing is surely likely to rub off on her sons who will see my DD as they get older..? Confused

The thing is in RL she is the loveliest person I don't think she'd ever be actually say anything to someone of a different religion in actual person. She's been my friend for over 20 years. I was maid of honour at her wedding and am God parent to her son.

OP posts:
Strongmummy · 11/01/2017 10:47

A bacon sandwich in itself isn't offensive. However if you are deliberately shoving a bacon sandwich in a Muslim's/Jew's face in order to get a reaction/be goady, then of course it's offensive!!! I wouldn't be friends with someone so incredibly stupid, narrow minded and racist.

shovetheholly · 11/01/2017 10:48

"The thing is in RL she is the loveliest person I don't think she'd ever be actually say anything to someone of a different religion in actual person."

Discrimination isn't just violent, abusive or threatening conduct towards other people. It also exists at an institutional and a social level, and at the level of ideas and beliefs - such as those your friend has. Those beliefs and attitudes inform how we behave at an unconscious as well as a conscious level. It's likely that her racism comes out in the way she votes and the way she interacts with others.

WorraLiberty · 11/01/2017 10:49

You have a very weird friend.

But you have acted very weird yourself OP, to start a thread asking if a bacon sandwich is offensive.

Ridiculous.

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/01/2017 10:49

Oh. I see your conflicting feelings. You're going to get differing views on here. Basically you either ignore her beliefs and take the care and friendship you get from her and educate and protect your child. Or you pull away. You may find as your children grow older, they grow apart anyway.

HateSummer · 11/01/2017 10:49

The thing is in RL she is the loveliest person I don't think she'd ever be actually say anything to someone of a different religion in actual person.

So she's 2 faced? Hmm

You do realise that what she does on the internet IS her real self? She holds those views and shares them with people online because she's a spineless cowardly person, who doesn't have the guts to say anything like that in rl because she knows she'd get pulled up on it. Why? Because she knows it's wrong.

What a horrible person.

WorraLiberty · 11/01/2017 10:51

"The thing is in RL she is the loveliest person I don't think she'd ever be actually say anything to someone of a different religion in actual person."

And that just makes her a coward, rather than a 'lovely person'.

Oldraver · 11/01/2017 10:55

I have a FB reserve for my Mum as she has form for this kind of shit. She posts loads of UKIP and UK First meme's so luckily I dont have to see it

Chewbecca · 11/01/2017 10:57

I'm with you OP. I have friends, good friends, and family who spout this sort of rubbish. Everyone always says they can't possibly be nice, de-friend, why would you want to be friends etc. But it is not as straightforward as that, people you've known and had lots of fun with for years don't just become horrible because social media has shown you their views that perhaps had never arisen before.

I am still friends with my good friends who post this nonsense but they know very well how I feel about it and if it ever comes up, I try hard to plainly give them my perspective. They think I am a liberal loony but we are all open about our views. I do avoid the difficult subjects though as the conversations are not pleasant and make me sad.

Davros · 11/01/2017 10:59

Do you know you can set people to "acquaintance" on FB which means you get much less of their stuff? I know it's the coward's way out but, if you're finding the posts taking up too much head space it's an option. I had to do this with a friend who bombarded FB with "remain" posts. Regardless of my own views, I didn't want non-stop politics!! I suspect she was sharing posts from one of her DDs who is very into politics and was doing it to support her. Funnily enough, it never comes up when we meet in RL too! Maybe your "friend" is sharing due to pressure to do so by someone else? Not that it means that crap is acceptable. My DH is Jewish and we live in an area with a high percentage of Jews but I think all our family and friends would think the bacon sandwich post is laughable and dumb, just makes the poster look stupid

Original poster
laurzj82 · 11/01/2017 11:01

I think you're right sadly Shove Sad

Worral. Well then I'm weird then Smile It's a confidence thing. I wanted to check IWBU.

She's taken it down since I've messaged her about it. Now I have to have a real think about where to go from here.

Thanks again for all your replies.

OP posts:
sportinguista · 11/01/2017 11:01

Can't comment on the racist issue but I've had to unfriend on facebook for things before now (friend posted some very offensive porno stuff!!). I would say maybe try and hide or block her posts, but ultimately do you want to stay friends with her? Could you actually talk to her about it.

For the record most muslims don't find pictures of things that are halal for them offensive, otherwise they'd have to find themselves being continually offended by TV advertising etc. And that would be hard work for anyone!!

Clandestino · 11/01/2017 11:03

I had a FB clean-up and basically deleted and blocked all of my friends who were posting racist crap and fake news. Lost few people who I actually felt close to before but I saw no other choice.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 11/01/2017 11:05

Its because the man who was jailed for tying bacon on the door handles of a mosque and shouting racial abuse at people had died in prison. Certain elements of the press reported it as leaving bacon sandwiches outside the mosque which is not quite the same thing. I think the group involved also posted pictures of bacon sandwiches outside the mosque but that wouldn't get you jailed for a year for a religiously aggravated public order offences.

SoloD · 11/01/2017 11:06

I have Muslim friends who eat bacon in the UK as it's not forbidden in a non Muslim country....

People fear what they don't know, and those who fear Muslim's tend not to know any. I try and educate them where I can, people like Sadiq Khan can rather blow their minds...

You can also point out that all terrorists want to create hate, they want division between non muslims and muslims, so best not to help the terrorists.

About "friend's" racist Facebook post
SoloD · 11/01/2017 11:07

On another note, looking though the comments on here it's great how many decent people there are out there.