To want to tell my elderly neighbour to be more quiet at night???

[Annie105]

I've got a 5 month old baby and I am exhausted!! My next door neighbour is a lovely lady but bloody inconsiderate or maybe just doesn't care that she makes noise in her flat all night long and keeps the baby and me awake.

She is in her late 60's and lives on her own with 3 cats. She has 3 grown up children and grandkids although they never seem to visit her.

We live in a terrace house and so does she but hers is converted into flats. this means her lounge bathroom and kitchen are the rooms right next to our bedroom and my babies nursery. Her lounge is the room which is next to our bedroom and we have put up with her loud TV all day and night for 2 years we even put up some sound insulation but it hasn't helped. It was a bad sleepless night last night for the baby he is now becoming more aware of the sounds she was up clattering dishes around her metal sink and banging cupboards from 3 to 4.30 which woke the baby then she put the radio on. The kitchen is next to the babies room.

You would think she would be a bit more considerate with her night time noise although saying that she doesn't care about day times as her radio goes on all day at the highest level! What annoys me is She knows it's his room as I've told her in the past. We also asked her to turn her TV down a bit when we first move in which she did but it's crept up again and until now I've used earplugs but it's the baby it's now impacting as I'm so tired and it can hear the noise. I've managed to get back to bed this morning while the baby naps and she has just turned her music up so loud. I'm
Just so fed up with the constant night time racket and now this!

Should I knock her door today and explain to her? She is nice but a bit odd and I think she will just ignore it as she seems like a complete insomniac. I used to feel sorry for her but now I feel sorry for us as we now are suffering!

shove, that's all well and good, it wasn't me that initially penned the term here. I was just pointing out to someone that said late 60's isn't elderly that in fact. technically, it is.

do you think her TV and radio have the same problem?!

good luck! I think the idea about asking her in to appreciate the sounds from your perspective might be a good idea.

Exconstance few people like to consider themselves old, but nevertheless research has been making very clear that adults of all ages are not the same since the 1960s. However young your attitude and lifestyle there are physical attributes, risks, trends etc generally identified as increasingly prevalent after the age of 65.

Pretending there is no difference between a 20 year old and a 65 year old would be bloody foolish in a health care context, and it is not ageism to acknowledge the increasing risk of hearing loss - age is sometimes relevant in various discussions, as you must actually know.

Few people seem to shout ageism when teens and 20 something come in for negative press and stereotyping yet as soon as age is even mentioned neutrally when the person is over 60 someone jumps on it - claiming to be "age blind" isn't really very useful. Respect and equality are not the same as flat out refusal to allow a characteristic to be mentioned.

what utter twaddle, on the basis of no evidence this person is deaf at all she is evaluated as having what is a minority condition for people in their 60's. a few days ago the ability of grandparents in their 60's to look after their grand children was questioned. so much unjustified discrimination.

shove that's interesting, I wonder if that's what happened with her? I can imagine it'd be really hard when it's such a specific problem, and with no visual indicators like a hearing aid.

www.hsmc.co.uk/index.php?page=age-related-hearing-loss between the ages of 25 and 65 an average woman loses 58db - a man more. Even by age 45 our hearing has deteriorated to a level that would be significant if it happened all at once in a younger person. If a 25 year old had the hearing loss of a typical 65 year old the loss would be considered profound Exconstance

Ageism is not noting difference it is discrimination on the base of age. Noting difference and then making adjustments to accommodate them (such as using a hearing aid just as we use glasses to adjust sight back to optimal levels) is positive and preferable to flat out denial...

This is quite interesting - you can play a video clip with "normal" hearing and with the average hearing loss people experience by age 60, 70 and 80.

Obviously we don't notice gradual loss over decades but should get our hearing checked incase aids would help us just the same way we go to the dentist and optician regularly

auditoryneuroscience.com/HearingLossSimulator

Hi all thanks for your empathy and advice. So I managed to speak to my neighbour at the weekend. I hated having to do it and Orr of ignored it all last week but when I got woken by Shania Twain at 3.15 am for the second night in a row after posting this I thought I've really got to bite the bullet as it's been going on for 2 years now!!

Anyway so I said to her I'm having real trouble sleeping at night as she is such a night owl and we can hear everything she does. I asked her if she wanted to come into mine just so she could hear how noisy things can get and she said no it was fine she wouldn't play her louder music until 7.30 am or just after, which is still pretty annoying as its so loud! So Saturday and Sunday 7.30am on the dot the TV and the radio were both on. But actually the TV had been on low all night since 2.30.

Anyway I tried to explain to her the whole dishes and sink noise she has started to make and she said she has been spring cleaning her kitchen every night and that she threw (her words!) the old saucepans in the sink while she was reaching in to do the cupboards below the sink. I asked would she mind leaving noisy stuff to a reasonable time as it does wake not just me but the baby and its best for everyone the baby sleeps well! She also swore blind she doesn't hear him crying and I jokingly said to her are you sure you are not hard of hearing as he is really loud when he cries before bed for a feed (he doesn't but I just wanted to see!) and she said I never hear a thing from your house ever! But it's now 4.46am and I've been up since 3am (slept in with baby In his room last night who was a bit hard to settle thanks to the beginning of a cold) and she has been doing the same crap again in the kitchen banging stuff into the sink and clattering Lord know what else. And she is shouting at the cats. It's bonkers!! So I moved into my bedroom next door (baby is still asleep thank god) and the bloody TV is now on full blast and the cats are still being shouted at for jumping on top on something.

I've finally lost my shit and banged the wall and shouted "im sorry to do this but please stop making so much noise Mrs X! Pleased to report the TV has been turned down but I can still hear it and she isn't shouting at the cats...but I've woke the baby with my own shouting at the wall!! Agh!!!!!

Where is my lotto win to live in a detached house....

Oh gosh. It really is her hearing isn't it?

How can you make her have her ears tested?

Yup I think it is definitely her hearing is an issue for her! It's such a delicate situation. My partner can be quite blunt though so I might make him Be bad cop and suggest to her has she had any hearing issues or put it some nice but sort of way which maybe might encourage her to get some help. I feel bloody awful banging the wall like some jumped up cow but I'm just so so so tired. If I could get a morning nap maybe it would be easier but then the radio really comes on.. The baby hasn't even woken me tonight since he has gone down at 7pm (I got to sleep just after 11) and here I am wide awake when I need all the energy and sleep I can get!

I am older and I would be mortified to think I was being so noisy and inconsiderate to a neighbour with a young baby.

Have you thought about recording the noises she makes and playing them back to her so she can realise that you are not being unreasonable.

Move.

download the information pack on the right of this link for Specsavers hearing tests and give it to her.

www.specsavers.co.uk/hearing/understanding-hearing-loss/does-someone-i-know-have-hearing-loss

"Because age-related hearing loss develops slowly over a number of years, many people don’t notice when it happens to them. If you suspect that a friend or relative struggles with their hearing, then talk to them. Hearing loss is surprisingly common and is a normal part of ageing. It can also be caused by exposure to excessive noise over a prolonged period. Thankfully, it's also something that is easily resolved.

We have plenty of information on our website to help banish any myths or concerns. You can always direct your friend or relative to the Frequently Asked Questions on our website, which answers: 'Why should I have my hearing tested?' and 'If I have a hearing test, will it definitely mean that I end up wearing a hearing aid?'

If they're not sure whether they have a hearing problem, we have a 3-minute check, which is a quick and simple way to find out. It's free and no appointment is needed. Just ask a member of staff in store. Then, if a full hearing test needs to be arranged, that's free too."

Disclaimer - I do not work for specsavers :o But it is less intimidating and medical to go into a high street opticians than booking a GP apt about your hearing for the first time.

Symphathies to you op. I live in a semi detached bungalow and years ago turned out lounge into a bedroom. New couple next doors lounge is next to said bedroom. Big to on the wall next to our bed.
He likes to play those games, Xbox or whatever we use earplugs. Granted it is about 7 am
We are almost elderly mid 60 s.
We just have to get on with it. We get on quite well. We try to keep our noise down but it shouldn't bother them too much as they go to bed about 10 ish
Maybe we should.

Tv

Hi everyone I had a really gentle conversation with my neighbour yesterday. I was very honest and said we were finding the noise at night hard to deal with as its constant and getting increasingly louder. She then admitted she is hard of hearing but doesn't want to wear an aid!! So some of you were absolutely spot on. I told her a small white lie in that I've a friend with a really snazzy small aid you can't even see and that she should definitely go and get it checked out as technology is amazing !!

She said she would but who knows if she will. I also mentioned the cat yowling she said she is an old cat who is always used to getting her way but maybe she will mention it to the vet next time she goes...

She was still really noisy at 3am this morning and had music on but definitely not as loud.
I think I've just got to accept that's how she is and always will be and unfortunately for me at the moment sleep is just not going to happen for me as I can no longer wear earplugs to try and drown it out!! she was mortified when I told her the night of the saucepan incident actually woke up the baby. So hopefully no more mad saucepan throwing!!

Anyway I'm glad I spoke to her and stopped letting the stress of it build up. It's hard when your bedroom adjoins neighbours living/kitchen rooms isn't it dowser and I have lots of sympathy for all of you experiencing neighbour noise. Ok she might not be raving playing heavy metal music at weekends but the consistent noise can be really draining.

maybe I should offer her my baby sleep training book!

Thank you to everyone responding with the advice and comments much appreciated

Oh, my God, that sounds like a nightmare. I live in a Victorian terrace with very poor sound insulation and the only reason it's bearable is because both sets of neighbours are reasonably considerate.