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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to tell my elderly neighbour to be more quiet at night???

95 replies

Annie105 · 11/01/2017 08:33

I've got a 5 month old baby and I am exhausted!! My next door neighbour is a lovely lady but bloody inconsiderate or maybe just doesn't care that she makes noise in her flat all night long and keeps the baby and me awake.

She is in her late 60's and lives on her own with 3 cats. She has 3 grown up children and grandkids although they never seem to visit her.

We live in a terrace house and so does she but hers is converted into flats. this means her lounge bathroom and kitchen are the rooms right next to our bedroom and my babies nursery. Her lounge is the room which is next to our bedroom and we have put up with her loud TV all day and night for 2 years we even put up some sound insulation but it hasn't helped. It was a bad sleepless night last night for the baby he is now becoming more aware of the sounds she was up clattering dishes around her metal sink and banging cupboards from 3 to 4.30 which woke the baby then she put the radio on. The kitchen is next to the babies room.

You would think she would be a bit more considerate with her night time noise although saying that she doesn't care about day times as her radio goes on all day at the highest level! What annoys me is She knows it's his room as I've told her in the past. We also asked her to turn her TV down a bit when we first move in which she did but it's crept up again and until now I've used earplugs but it's the baby it's now impacting as I'm so tired and it can hear the noise. I've managed to get back to bed this morning while the baby naps and she has just turned her music up so loud. I'm
Just so fed up with the constant night time racket and now this!

Should I knock her door today and explain to her? She is nice but a bit odd and I think she will just ignore it as she seems like a complete insomniac. I used to feel sorry for her but now I feel sorry for us as we now are suffering!

OP posts:

QuimReaper · 11/01/2017 09:26

I'm quite surprised by some of these responses. It would be different if the OP were saying that she was asking the neighbour to turn the radio down at 3 in the afternoon, we're talking about three in the morning! And the fact that the people over the road asked her to turn it down tells you that she really is having it on very loud. I think we've all had neighbours or housemates like this at some point, whose average noise level is just unnecessarily high, and I don't think most people would be content to be woken at 3 in the morning.

Definitely say something OP. As a PP says she is pretty obviously hard of hearing and has no idea how loud she has things turned up.

tava63 · 11/01/2017 09:27

YANBU OP - making noise at these times is unreasonable and definitely something that you could report to the noise control people in your local Council. However before that I think you need to make a further effort to inform her in clear terms of the impact of her nocturnal activities. I once found it useful to tell (in a joking but pointed way) a neighbour that I did like their taste in music by mentioning the specific piece I had been privileged to listen to at 3 in the morning.

Manumission · 11/01/2017 09:29

I said it's madness that you're living in a house where you think you can tell exactly what you're neighbour is doing with their crockery by listening.

That is madness. Houses shouldn't be like that. Your walls are almost pointless aren't they?

And if you can hear what's she doing, she can hear you and your baby just as clearly.

QuimReaper · 11/01/2017 09:31

Not if her hearing's failing Manu!

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 11/01/2017 09:31

Honestly, if you can hear her, she can hear you. Pretty much everyone would say "oh no, it's fine!" when asked if they can hear you. It's the neighbourly thing to do.

I agree tbh.

paxillin · 11/01/2017 09:32

She hears your baby crying, she is just being polite saying she doesn't. Soundproofing must be pretty bad if the pots and pans in the kitchen annoy you, the tv and music might not be unreasonably loud at all.

Manumission · 11/01/2017 09:34

But the thing is Quim, what's the difference in perception and what's the end game?

Maybe the neighbour has their sleep disturb d by the baby? Or they are suffering from insomnia? Maybe they think their TV level is fine but the walls are shit and in the summer they like the window open. Or maybe they're going deaf.

When it's multi-factorial, she said/they said and the walls are like rice paper anyway nothing ever gets resolved. Everyone feels aggrieved.

Chattymummyhere · 11/01/2017 09:35

If many people have asked before I wouldn't bother I would just report it to the council.

To the other posters if the ops bedrooms are next to the living room and kitchen to the neighbours flat then the neighbour may really not hear the op as her day time noise will be downstairs. Babies cry that's a fact of life but having a radio/tv on full blast at 3am is antisocial no matter who you are.

RedHelenB · 11/01/2017 09:35

Attila - the noise will be a normal level if OP can hear dishes being put in a sink so absolutely nothing that environmental health can do about it. TV and radio are normal noises so unfortunately your baby is going to have to learn to sleep with them as there is nothing that can be done if you ask again and she doesn't turn her tv/radio down. When you have a noisy boisterous toddler the shoe may well be on the other foot!

Manumission · 11/01/2017 09:37

but having a radio/tv on full blast at 3am is antisocial no matter who you are.

What sounds like "full blast" at 3am in one of these crap conversions could be really quite resytrained.

TheFairyCaravan · 11/01/2017 09:37

When my nan was in the early stages of Alzheimer's she used to hoover through the night, wash up, cook, clean. You name it, she did it. Not one person mentioned it to us until she was really poorly so we couldn't do anything about it.

There is a a chance that this lady is in the same situation, and has forgotten your previous conversations. There's a chance that she's just inconsiderate, you don't know.

5moreminutes · 11/01/2017 09:39

The responses on here would have been 100% sympathetic if OP had not mentioned the existence of her baby but said something daft like "I'm an ordinary hard working person and my sleep is much needed".

Ironically on MN if you mention having a child you will be in the wrong automatically unless you are making yourself small, silent and inconspicuous and putting up silently and gratefully with any and all shit from other adults according to some posters.

Manumission · 11/01/2017 09:42

It's not UNsympathetic to point out the possibility that both neighbours are generating fairly ordinary amounts of noise and the building is amplifying it rather than dampening it.

Chewbecca · 11/01/2017 09:43

I'd move if at all possible. To a detached house or one with better layout, I.e not adjoining flats, it is a recipe for difficulties.

Manumission · 11/01/2017 09:44

You're being weird 5

DontTouchTheMoustache · 11/01/2017 09:45

You can't really compare the noise from baby crying to someone putting the TV on and clattering dishes as OP cannot control the baby crying but the TV blaring out at 3am is just inconsistent. It's bad enough trying to look after a baby without that making it even harder (I may be biased after being up with poorly DS for most of the night).

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 11/01/2017 09:47

Sorry but that just isn't true.

You aren't automatically right just because you have DC either.

Part and parcel of living next door to people means there will be noise and the echoing in the properties must be terrible if OP can hear someone putting or throwing things in a sink!

SymbollocksInteractionism · 11/01/2017 09:47

I'm surprised by some of the comments, of course the OP is NBU it's only normal consideration to keep noise to a minimum in the middle of the night!!
There was a thread on here the other week where the OP had been asked to keep the noise down while playing a family game, on holiday at 5pm and loads of people piled in to tell her she was BU and selfish etc!
Madness!

TheFairyCaravan · 11/01/2017 09:49

Rubbish! Had OP said that her baby was crying in the night and waking their neighbour up, most replies would have been "tough shit, babies cry, she needs to suck it up!"

MaterEstIratus · 11/01/2017 09:50

The silver lining is that eventually you will probably end up with a child who can sleep through anything. Could you put some kind of white noise (you can get apps on your phone) in the baby's room whilst he/she sleeps? It's the change in noise that wakes the baby up - If there's a constancy there it might help.

user892 · 11/01/2017 09:50

A baby crying is deemed as acceptable night noise. OP has said her baby doesn't cry at night. The construction is crap for noise reduction but TV and radio noise overnight is deemed unacceptable and if OP isn't going to move then she needs to take appropriate steps now, beginning with a serious talk with the neighbour, and escalating with env health if necessary.

ginnybag · 11/01/2017 09:53

I'd be inclined to think it is her hearing.

I have a similar neighbour, in that I can hear her TV, alarm clock etc through the walls, and sometimes over our own TV in the evenings. Her TV is on the far wall to where our houses meet!

However, I know it's loud because she's deaf and has been for years. To the point that, when DD was a baby, neighbour was very surprised that she existed as she'd had no clue that we'd had her. DD was 6 months old at the time.

It can be intrusive, but the thing that saves us is that both our bedrooms are on the far side of the house from the meet, so we can still sleep, and it does mean that I don't worry too much about our noise - she can't hear it!!

In any other set up, though, it would be a nightmare as she's regularly blaring TV at 3 am loud enough that I know exactly what she's watching!

BewtySkoolDropowt · 11/01/2017 09:53

Late 60's is elderly. That's why they are entitled to an old age pension and are classed as senior citizens.

Apparantly the World Health Organisation website says that 'Most developed world countries have accepted the chronological age of 65 years as a definition of 'elderly' or older person.'

Manumission · 11/01/2017 09:53

Anyway, back to the noise.

The thing about intrusive noise is it sends you completely round the twist very quickly and makes it quite hard to detach or negotiate. It's a very emotive thing. I HATED our neighbour at the time with true passion.

If you can't move, I would suggest a really good chat with the neighbour and arrange for BOTH of you to hear the issue from BOTH properties. I think you'll be surprised.

shovetheholly · 11/01/2017 09:54

The difference between a TV blaring and a baby crying is that a baby can't be reasonable and stopp crying, but a grown adult can take reasonable measures to prevent their noise from spilling over and disturbing neighbours.

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