To want to tell my elderly neighbour to be more quiet at night???

[Annie105]

I've got a 5 month old baby and I am exhausted!! My next door neighbour is a lovely lady but bloody inconsiderate or maybe just doesn't care that she makes noise in her flat all night long and keeps the baby and me awake.

She is in her late 60's and lives on her own with 3 cats. She has 3 grown up children and grandkids although they never seem to visit her.

We live in a terrace house and so does she but hers is converted into flats. this means her lounge bathroom and kitchen are the rooms right next to our bedroom and my babies nursery. Her lounge is the room which is next to our bedroom and we have put up with her loud TV all day and night for 2 years we even put up some sound insulation but it hasn't helped. It was a bad sleepless night last night for the baby he is now becoming more aware of the sounds she was up clattering dishes around her metal sink and banging cupboards from 3 to 4.30 which woke the baby then she put the radio on. The kitchen is next to the babies room.

You would think she would be a bit more considerate with her night time noise although saying that she doesn't care about day times as her radio goes on all day at the highest level! What annoys me is She knows it's his room as I've told her in the past. We also asked her to turn her TV down a bit when we first move in which she did but it's crept up again and until now I've used earplugs but it's the baby it's now impacting as I'm so tired and it can hear the noise. I've managed to get back to bed this morning while the baby naps and she has just turned her music up so loud. I'm
Just so fed up with the constant night time racket and now this!

Should I knock her door today and explain to her? She is nice but a bit odd and I think she will just ignore it as she seems like a complete insomniac. I used to feel sorry for her but now I feel sorry for us as we now are suffering!

Our council don't do much when you are suffering all-night boozy karaoke parties from next door, a tv or radio would not bring them out. Unless the neighbour voluntarily turns it down, there might not be much you can do.

Sounds like a) she has increasing hearing loss and has not acknowledged it (speaking as one who seriously thought about getting a bigger TV before it dawned on me to get my eyes tested), and b) suffers from insomnia, in which case she has the radio on/makes cups of tea during the night because she cannot sleep. Not sure what the answer is, but white noise sounds like a good idea

Manu I completely agree with you about rotten conversions, poor layout and ineffective walls, but this sounds to me like a combination of that and unnecessary noise levels.

Again, however open your window is, your radio has to be on very loud indeed to be disturbing people over the road!

We have gardens that all back onto each other in a higgledy-piggledy way so everyone overlooks everyone, and on a hot day when everyone's windows are open you can always hear a hum of television / people / radio sort of noises. But there is frequently a standout window which you can identify from a distance of 40 feet whose volume is crazy-loud.

shove also that a crying baby noise disturbance is time-limited in the instance (they'll usually stop crying after a certain period) and in general (they grow out of it).

bewty - I think the preferred term now is "older people". "Elderly" is frowned upon. I didn't realise this myself until I did some work on older people's housing.

Jeebus - I would be annoyed whether or not I had a baby if my neighbour was playing the radio or TV at 3-4 in the morning so loud that it woke me up!

That is antisocial in any event surely???

Interesting shove a friend of mine is a doctor and works in what used to be geriatrics but they now have to call it 'elderly medicine'

60 is not old!!!! deafness is not a characteristic of being 60, goodness, we have to work until we are 66 now so need to be able to hear what is going on at work.
The extent of ageism on Mumsnet drives me crazy, I am 60, I have a dependant child until later this year and, for what it is worth, still buy my jeans at Top Shop. Before you post just think how it would look if you used the words "black" or "gay" instead of "Old" . Age is a protected characteristic and as provided in The Care Act 2014 assumptions should not be made about people on the basis of age. I would normally be sympathetic to the problem raised on this thread but the age of the person next door is simply irrelevant, as is owning cats. The discriminatory language used is leaving me with the feeling that the OP is lucky not to have neighbours who play loud music late at night or party a lot.

I do sympathise as I am quite noise sensitive and sleep with earphones and a white noise app. I think it is worth another chat. Is there any way of rearranging rooms at all? I know the frustration and it's not as simple as "move." I'd have to move a bloody long way from where I live and work to afford a detached property. I live in a mid terrace with lovely neighbours. The houses are built terribly though. I hear one sides TV and the other side's elephant steps on the stairs but they must hear us. Am a little disappointed that you say soundproofing hasn't helped as I was considering it myself . Good luck with your chat and hope you find some sort of livable solution.

exconstance - My point was really: why should hearing loss be stigmatised in a way that loss of sight isn't? Why are people reluctant to seek help for their hearing, when they are more willing to seek help for sight-related issues?

We all know that, for many (note: many, not all) people, there is a correlation between ageing and deterioration of both sight and hearing. It's just scientific fact. This is not to say that ALL cases of impaired sight or hearing are related to age, merely that around 1/3 people over 65 and 1/2 over 75 experience age-related hearing issues.

As someone who has been hearing impaired from the age of 7, I find the refusal of many people who ARE clearly experiencing age-related hearing loss to seek help very odd. Particularly when those people often wear glasses without a problem. I feel it contributes to some kind of stigma against deafness. If I were in my 60s, and someone told me I had my TV up really loud, I'd go get a hearing test.

I know the frustration and it's not as simple as "move." I'd have to move a bloody long way from where I live and work to afford a detached property.

TBH just about any post-war purpose-built- house or flat would be ten times better. But that only helps if moving at all is an option of course.

White noise for baby so they don't notice the pots and pans?

Also I think the reason it works fairly well for me is that I realise I'm noise sensitive as my husband isn't . Also my neighbours realise the walls are crap so generally by a certain hour we don't hear loads. If I was being kept awake at 3am I would have to say something so the chat has to happen unfortunately.

I'd ask again - sooner rather than later. I'd also go in the spirit of 'what can we do together to help this' and ask to have a look at her telly. Maybe there are speakers that could be mounted away from the wall or on shock absorbent stands? Maybe you can help with that? Maybe the telly is touching the wall? If you can have a dialogue you could see if she does have hearing problems

As a PP said maybe you could volunteer wireless headphones?

I feel for you it's shit though

shove I wonder if it's less of a stigma and more of an adaptation thing: whereas it's pretty hard to get around the fact of losing eyesight, it is quite easy to turn things up and not really notice how bad it's becoming, especially when it's quite gradual.

Obviously there is an element of stigma as hearing aids are less common than glasses (and contact-lens equivalents, i.e. "invisible" aids, are not as widely available I think?), but I think some people slip quite a long way before realising the extent of the problem.

Manu my property is post war built.I think it's quite random as to which houses have good and poor soundproofing. My mum's house is 1900 and mine 1980s, we both can hear next door . I think also sound /noise is quite subjective. What may be irritating for me doesn't register with anyone else in the house. In the case of the OP I think when it's 3am noise a chat is ok. Ive accepted I can hear pins drop in the night and that's my problem really.

Having recently moved to a terraced cottage I'm very much aware of how mine and neighbours noise impact on each other. For me, I stay aware that the noise travels much easier than it did in my previous semi. Small babies crying is part of life ( particularly if they are woken) However I firmly believe you have a right to peace within your home. I would be telling the neighbour very clearly that her actions are disturbing you and affecting your quality of life. I also don't sleep very well, neither do neighbours each side of me. We don't let this effect someone else. There is absolutely no reason to have a radio on so loud that it effects someone in a different house, there is no reason why putting dishes into a sink should effect anyone else. It sounds as if your neighbour is just doing what she wants to do when she wants to do it with no consideration that she doesnt live in a detached property in the country. If you decide to confront her, I'd make it really really clear, no beating about the bush. Should her actions continue to impact on you daily I'd contact the council about noise.

quim - I think that's probably true for some people! However, I know of two older people who are obviously finding it hard to hear, who have been questioned about this by younger relations (me and others) and who have flat refused to go and get tested and get a hearing aid. Both wear glasses. So I think there is something around hearing loss being seen as more of an age-related problem than sight loss as well? I am not saying that this is true of all older people, though, by any means - I know several who had adapted quickly, with grace.

If you own your own house do not get the environmental health department involved as suggested by a posted above! You will have to report any problems with neighbours when trying to sell and that will prove a massive PITA. Speak to her first, going to the council should be an absolute last resort!

Very true shove, I guess because it's terribly common for sight to begin to deteriorate as early as teenagehood, but very uncommon for the same to happen with hearing.

By contrast I have a friend who for as long as I've known her (since late teens / early twenties) has had significant hearing problems in at least one ear. She's quite open about it (often says "sorry, say that again, you're on my bad ear side") but to the best of my knowledge hasn't done anything about it

Imamouseduh - I posted about env health because OP had already said she isn't in a position to move house.

quim - that sounds like the problem I have! In my case, it's deafness caused by mumps, which killed off the cells that receive the aural signals. Unfortunately, the doctors say that a hearing aid can't help because there is no way of 'boosting' the signal. I can have an aid on the other side where some of the cells still work pretty well, but this doesn't stop me being unable to hear on the 'deaf' one, IYSWIM. It means that someone to my right can say something to me and I can be completely unaware of it, which is very socially awkward as they sometimes assume I am some hoity-toity cow, and not just deaf as a post. It also means that if someone is yelling my name in public I have to spin around and around on the spot to try to locate them visually, because I don't have the first idea where sound is coming from.

Fortunately, most people who know me understand and are very lovely about bellowing when they are on the wrong side . But I do have to do a lot of slightly embarrassing explaining to people I'm meeting for the first time, including having to ask people to sit on a different side! People are usually surprised but very accommodating. The fact that I basically have to do this constantly makes me (probably unfairly) annoyed with relatives who refuse to acknowledge the problem or get help! I do feel that it, in some way, makes it even harder every time I have to deal with it.

To the poster who made the comment about age and cats I want trying to be offensive or un PC. I should have clarified the cat thing because she shouts at them in the night when she is up and about and one of them howls. A lot! Like a baby actually. But worse!! I've just buzzed her and she isn't in so I've left her a note asking would she mind to give me a knock later when she is back to have a chat about an issue we have raised before

A cat howling at night is classic hyperthyroid btw - recommend her a vet trip if she hasn't already done so :)

Really? That's actually interesting I will definitely mention that to her might help the poor cat a it sounds a bit miserable thanks👍 and just for a bit of humour do you think her TV and radio have the same problem?! Lol!! Thanks everyone for input so far and varied comments I'll let you know how it goes!!!!