To wonder why coming out is a big deal

[Princessmanuka]

Now that Kendall Jenner is preparing to come out (as gay), AIBU to wonder why this is made out to be something huge?
Surely this is 2017 and who really cares?

I'm with aliPartout and in reference to the office gossip I've lost count of the times I've heard gossip whist being with the smokers outside about office romances etc. Crikey after the office Christmas party with I couldn't attend my phone was red hot! 😂

I'm with aliPartout and in reference to the office gossip I've lost count of the times I've heard gossip whist being with the smokers outside about office romances etc. Crikey after the office Christmas party with I couldn't attend my phone was red hot!

But this gossip is about x dating x, not about their sexual orientation. You never hear people gossiping, "did you hear that Jane's partner is a MAN???"

Sorry I posted too soon! In reference to coming out, I can understand why it's so hard, I know that even in this day and age not everyone is so accepting, my brother in law is gay and from what I've heard it took him many years to tell his whole family, but in reference to mortgagee applications etc they only ask about husbands details because the majority of the time there will be a husband, its that simple, it's not to be offensive, before I was married I didn't get offended if people presumed I was, when I had my son I wasn't offended if they asked where my husband was. Single parents must get offended everyday, what about widows? Generally people presume things which are the norm, they don't mean to upset anyone but it just makes things easier. I presume people I offer a cup of tea too drink milk and are not vegan, sometimes I'm wrong.

Pluto30
Unlike you, I don't always depend on the internet for info.

That's true betty85 but I'm sure if Barry dated Marge and one was 50 and one was 20 it'll be talked about. It's just talked about because that's the way gossip works, when there are equal amounts of heterosexuals, guys etc it will be the norm and no one will bat an eyelid, but we are not quite there yet.

Buster

when there are equal amounts of heterosexuals, guys gays etc it will be the norm and no one will bat an eyelid, but we are not quite there yet.

I assume 'guys' was a typo.

We probably never will be "there" as homosexuality is abnormal. I'm using this in the statistical sense, not offensively. Heterosexuality is the most common orientation.

scottishdiem

the assumption is that someone is straight and that is the norm that is protected. As ailPartout has shown.

Of course we assume the norm. Not sure what you mean by 'protected'. I've been very careful to distinguish 'assuming the norm' from 'bigoted homophobe'.

Bette

But this gossip is about x dating x, not about their sexual orientation.

People comment / gossip about the unusual. "Did you see her pink hair". "What did you think of his dancing" etc. That doesn't make it offensive or 'phobic.

I love that there are still people in this world who have no idea who the kardashians are! I wish I was one of them

Gay not guys. Sorry!

Have you seen some of the coming out threads on here lately? The most recent one was a mum who had to have a bit of a cry, because she was so upset about her DD being gay, but decided to accept her anyway but she and her DH were talking about whether they should ask her to hide it from her half sibs because they thought they were too young to hear about some thing 'abnormal'.

People care. People definitely still care in 2017 and it's a scary thing to come out and not know what reception you're going to get. Not to mention the affect it could have on your job (football, police, etc are fields where it isn't really accepted) and the like. Certainly, public figures will also be risking a huge amount - can you name me an openly gay Hollywood leading man? Not TV, not comedy sidekick or character actor? The guy who saves the world and gets the girl.

It would be lovely if we were past all that but I think you're very wrong if you think we are.

Me too mscongeniality 😂

I agree brave, if my son came out as gay the worry I would have is homophobia from others, I wouldn't care about the fact he was gay itself just the problems he could encounter such as small minded thugs on nights out, I don't know much about the work aspect I must admit but the scare story's you read about are my worry. His uncle has a great job and a great life and my son has known he was gay from the moment he could understand. He knows his partner is who he loves and is very accepting. I find it a bonus that my son has a man like his uncle to look up to and to not fear if he finds himself to be in the position. It's reassuring and comforting.

One of my closest friends came out to be in my early 20s. I think i just said 'OK' because it was no big deal to me. Completely missing the point that it was a massive deal to her.

It meant that some of her family would stop speaking to her and her mum would be too upset to ever meet her girlfriend. That lots of little things in life (like the ones mentioned upthread) would be more difficult. That she'd never be 'normal'. It didnt change anything for me but it was huge for her & my 'ok' dismissed that.

I am bi but my family and friends don't know. I don't see the point as I'm in a relationship with a man. At one point I was single and Tried online dating and specified that I was bi. The amount of disgusting abuse I received from men was so shocking to me and I never did that again.
I don't think I'll ever be able to tell people irl.
Homophobia is still rife in 2017. It is a big deal.

Apparently surveys show that 8 % of fans claim they will stop supporting a football team which has openly gay players. That puts pressure on from the start. And as it's not beyond the realms of possibility that some of those 8% might find some pretty nasty ways of demonstrating their homophobia, I think I can see why some football players may well think it's a big deal.

I think a lot of it, sadly depends on where you are in the country.

Unlike you, I don't always depend on the internet for info.

Then tell me, of wise one, what your source of information is for posting this statement about someone you presumably do not know?

A lot depends on what your family is like. I know a gay man in his 60s who still hasn't told his mother. And she hasn't twigged, either, even though he's lived with the same partner for several decades. And he said to me that, although it's got much easier in general over the years, when he meets someone new he still checks out their responses to various comments and questions before he lets on.

I can see why it's still a big deal for some people.

One of my children came out as bi to us a few years ago

They have told grandparents in 2016 but not aunts and uncles...that will just evolve

I have commented on the fact that they are bi (but prefer same sex) during conversations with my close friends

To a fucking man they have told me that its ok, the child is just confused and they will grow out of it

Its fucking insulting!!! Makes me want to lamp them (which i told the last one who said it)

And my friends are lovely and generally intelligent people

So although no one has been mean to my child or about them in our presence people still have very weird attitudes to bi/gay people

It's incredibly sad that in 2017 there are still people who think homosexuals are "confused" and that they can "grow out of it"

I can go one better

Mil and a friend said that if i kept talking about the child being gay/bi and referred to their future partners as possibly being same sex and saying your girlfriend or boyfriend that it was MAKING the child gay/bi

And i dont give a shit if child is gay or bi....i just want them to have someone who loves them as much as i do

Although thats probably impossible

Coming out is difficult because you don't know what reaction you'll get. Most people are fine, some people aren't. When I came out to my friends I was fine, but my family were obviously disappointed and I was frozen out for a while.

And Ail, please don't use the word 'abnormal' because it is offensive when used about people and there's absolutely no need when you can just say 'rarer', 'less common' and various other terms that don't have the same connotations. The fact you know it'll offend people and take pains to explain why you mean it completely innocently really just makes it sound like you're trying to get a rise out of people. There are fewer people with red hair compared to other colours; only someone really odd or someone trying to be offensive would say that gingers are abnormal.

Assumptions make a large part of our society.

My son came out as gay and he told me he was really worried about telling me! I don't and never have given a fuck! Yet that fear was there, and it still is - most of the family don't know because of the homophobic crap they've come out with. That makes me sad, that my own child is afraid to be himself I front of them. He hasn't got a boyfriend yet, so when that happens I guess it will be time to tell them. They always ask him if he's got a girlfriend yet, not guessing why the answer will always be no.

I don't care that's he gay, but I'm scared of the crap he may get for being himself. It's sad that these days we still have to worry about it.

I'm glad things are getting better - and people are more open. DS and I were watching Pointless and the male couple were gay and discussing their marriage. DS realised this and said 'they're gay' - which is not something he would say about a straight couple. I didn't make a big thing about it but just told him that some people are gay and that's fine -

I'm also careful not to make assumptions about his future and discussing 'girlfriends or wives' in the future - he might be gay so wouldn't have a girlfriend or he might not want to get married - or even have a relationship.

Children pick up a lot of heteronormative assumptions and hidden messages from school, their parents, friends, the media etc

I hate that DSD is facing negative comments and bullying because she's gay, but I don't want her to change. I want the arseholes who are making her feel bad to change their stinking attitudes and stop being bigots.