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AIBU?

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Original poster

To take this further

59 replies

Raggydolly3 · 10/01/2017 22:22

I work for a charity and we have a board of trustees. I really like my job, The CEO of the charity has always been a very changable- one minute fine and the next pulling you to peices but she is like that with everyone.
I had a miscarriage on Sunday but managed to get in to work Yesterday (Monday).
I told the CEO what had happened and that I was still bleeding quite a bit but would do my best to stay in. She replied it was prob best I was in to take my mind of it which was my way of thinking as well.
Today I was in work and got to about lunchtime when I started bleeding really heavily, I changed my pad a few times but I started bleeding though to the chair, I was also having really bad cramps by this point. I went to our deputy manager who told me to go straight home and not to worry. (CEO was not in)
Tonight had a text from the CEO asking why I went home so I explained about the bleeding and the fact it wa coming through the pads into the chair.
I have just had a text back saying "why would you be bleeding so heavy now if you had the miscarriage on Sunday and could you not have worn a thicker pad or two at once and changed them more often"
It's has really upset me and I don't know if I should report it to our board of trustees or should I just forget it, she does have a reputation for holding a grudge.

OP posts:
NoraDora · 10/01/2017 22:24

Report report report. She is a bitch with no compassion whatsoever.

Flowers
DJBaggySmalls · 10/01/2017 22:24

Yes, do report that, it was an awful, ignorant and possibly illegal comment to make to you. Flowers

You may want to contact ACAS first.

NotTodaySatan · 10/01/2017 22:25

What Nora said.

What a heartless moose.

NotTodaySatan · 10/01/2017 22:26

Flowers by the way Raggy x

Original poster
Raggydolly3 · 10/01/2017 22:27

I did not think of ACAS.
She is like a super women who never gets I'll or had anything wrong and expects the workforce to be the same

OP posts:
TheProblemOfSusan · 10/01/2017 22:27

How completely appalling. Yes, get Acas advice and take it further, that was a heartless and stupid thing to text you.

TheProblemOfSusan · 10/01/2017 22:28

I'm really sorry about your miscarriage, Raggy.

VintagePerfumista · 10/01/2017 22:28
Flowers

I suppose the fact that you went to work yesterday and was "ok" probably makes it seem odd in her mind that today you aren't.

I'd speak to her face to face and explain (again) before taking it further. Not by text, things get so misconstrued by messaging. Speak to her firmly in person. "I'd just like to clarify what I told you via message on Tuesday night. I'm sure if necessary I can get a doctor's note to the effect..."

If she's still a bitch and doesn't apologise, then yes, ramp it up.

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder · 10/01/2017 22:29

Fucking hell OP, report her. What an absolutely disgraceful way for her to conduct herself. Besides the fact that she must have a heart of stone, I think it's grossly unprofessional to be texting you after work especially when your manager sent you home and given that she knows what's happening.

I hope you are holding up OK. Take care of yourself Flowers

thewideeyedpea · 10/01/2017 22:29

Shocking behaviour, what a heartless cow. Most definitely report her.Flowers sorry you have been through such a shit time.

Thetruthfairy · 10/01/2017 22:30

I am so sorry for your loss xxx
How shocking. Report. What an appalling thing to say.

SleepFreeZone · 10/01/2017 22:31

I would get very very descriptive with her and make her fucking squirm. Bitch.

Thadius · 10/01/2017 22:31

Flowers Yes to reporting and also keep the texts as proof.

What a horrible woman.

foreverafter · 10/01/2017 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bonesy1 · 10/01/2017 22:34

So sad to hear this, I hope you are starting to feel a little better, as a CEO of a charity (and one who would have shown much more compassion), I would check staff handbook and confer with ACAS. I am pretty sure your handbook will say to go to Chair of Trustees but at least you are covered and following protocol.

ninenicknames · 10/01/2017 22:34

Fuck me!!!! Yes report for sure. What a cow.

So so sorry. I had a miscarriage (twins) not at the same time so had to go through it twice.

She is what makes my blood boil. Bitch

MammaTJ · 10/01/2017 22:34

FFS, you had a miscarriage 2 days ago, went in for your own purposes yesterday (to distract yourself) but needed to go home today. She needs telling. Yes, take it higher, as high as you need to go to make someone listen!

I have had three miscarriages and certainly did not go into work the next day after any of them! You pretty much are the most hard core miscarriage sufferer I have ever come across.

I think a couple of weeks, even after a very early miscarriage is reasonable and you do not say what week you were.Could be more time off needed as time of pregnancy progresses.

Now I have got off my high horse and finished ranting, I will say I am sorry for your loss. Be as kind to yourself as you would a friend in your position, give yourself time, xx

Iggii · 10/01/2017 22:43

My GP signed me off with rmcs, I had between one and two weeks each time.
Some people (encouraged by TV portrayals I think) think a miscarriage is a short "event" - an hour maybe and it's all over.
Take care of yourself. You went back too soon really, stay off for now (I would suggest)

ChunkyPunky · 10/01/2017 22:46

Fucking hell! Yes, report it to the board. I report into a board and they would go apeshit with such appalling behaviour. Good luck OP.

Chloe84 · 10/01/2017 22:53

Just trying to imagine my manager texting that to me. It's heinous.

Megatherium · 10/01/2017 22:55

Yes, report it. The deputy manager who saw you at the time clearly had no doubt that you needed to go home, so it wasn't up to the CEO to second-guess the deputy. Her suggestion that, two days after a miscarriage, you might be lying and skiving is absolutely disgraceful, and I very much doubt that it's the sort of attitude the charity wants to promote.

Bluntness100 · 10/01/2017 22:59

That's awful. But before you report, what is the max that will happen? She will get a warning right? Maybe some info on being sensitive. She won't get fired. So that means she will know you complained and she will know you formally complained about her. And you'll have to go in and work with her.

So where as , sure it's righteous to complain, the reality is, it's just going to cause you problems . Your call, but I'd let it lie. It's not just, it's the easy option for your future to say nothing , but there is no changing the outcome if you do complain.

I'm sorry for your miscarriage and I hope you're ok, 💐

StrandedStarfish · 10/01/2017 22:59

I am so sorry to hear of your troubles, Dolly. I work in this area. Was your miscarriage confirmed by scan? If not can I ask you to seek urgent treatment in case the secondary bleed you have had is something more serious related to the pregnancy. If the bleeding does continue to be heavy then see your GP

Lorelei76 · 10/01/2017 22:59

OMD!!!!

Is it not a report to HR rather than trustees though?

I'm sorry for your loss Flowers

BestZebbie · 10/01/2017 23:01

I'm not sure if you should engage or not, but if you do anything then perhaps text her the link to
www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
to actually answer her question - the real life story under natural miscarriage talks about multiple days, going back to work too early and bleeding/cramps, for example. There is also lots of info that you might like to read (if you haven't already!) and that she might also find eyeopening.

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