MN spoke, I didnt send the expected Xmas Money and now I'm a..... (NC Yay or Nay)

[Backt0Black]

TOFFEE NOSED COW WHO SHOULDN'T FORGET WHERE SHE CAME FROM!!!!

Following on from my thread pre Christmas which a lot of you were lovely enough to comment on and return to seek updates.. (posted from DH's account hence diff name)

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2802763-To-stop-sending-money-to-ungrateful-brats?pg=12

So - very possibly massively identifying but really past giving a toss now.

Update is ...was having 30 week scan yesterday and in the waiting room was subjected to a barrage of messages on my being this snotty nosed cow who needs to remember where she came from....AND..... DH 'needn't worry as I will soon send him back to where he came from' (he is mixed race... uncertain if DB was celever enough to make that joke??) WOW. I was reprimanded by DH for laughing too loudly at 'd' bros tantrum

So apparently this particular 'd'Bro is finished with me after 'all he has done for me' let me run you through the list.

• manipulated me into giving him cash on several occasions claiming it was 'for nappies' 'for school trips' .... it was for drugs
  
• took 7k from me to settle a drug debt from some really nasty types
  
• brought these types to my door looking for him when I lived alone (oh yes, I have lovely memories of 'where I came from')
  
• on release from jail lived in my house, in the master bedroom! with ensuite, walk in wardrobe and balcony like Lord of the bloody manor RENT FREE
  
• ate food I bought FOR FREE
  
• wore the clothes I bought him FOR FREE
  
• brought his GF round 'to clean' (I never asked??) while I was out. More like shag her all over the house..... found her underwear everywhere.. behind MY headboard, down the side of sofa etc! (surely just do it in your room or at her house?)
  

-said girlfriend started leaving toiletries in main bathroom like Lady of the Manor(DB's ensuite not good enough?) oh and fag ends in the loo where she'd clearly been smoking in the bath (lovely)
-brought drug-friends (sorry for this term to anyone actually seriously trying to tackle a substance issue) to where we live. this was the ONLY condition of his being allowed to stay. That he use the time to sort himself out and not bring that life to my door!

• either he / drug friends stole or aided in the theft of my company car!!!!! claims no involvement, amazing coincidence, given no through road, one way in / out, around half a mile of a public road in a tiny community of 5 properties. Hardly opportunist.
  
• let the dogs out for a wee while doing all of the above. AH - I SEE IT NOW, I'M IN THE WRONG AND SHOULD REALLY TAKE A LOOK AT MYSELF.
  

So - my question MN'ers..... can I now just go completely NC? Clearly DB had major life issues and needs help, but I feel like I've come to the end of the line, and really have little left to give. ... and I wonder while I'm around will he never sort himself, always thinking he can fall back on me?

He has also very recently block deleted all facebook activity for the last 12 months (didnt know that was a thing!) so clearly theres something in the offing and he doesnt want police to see.

Well - that was a readathon, but I hate a dangler / dripper!

[BernardsarenotalwaysSaints]

It feels like such a unique situation that's it's quite nice knowing there are others out there Back.

It's my SIL, we've never given her a penny but she's stolen god knows how much off us. We've been nc for 4.5 years now & life is so much easier. We hear when she's inside from FIL & I generally hear when she's slagging us off on fb but we don't much care. As I said we're in touch with dn which is all that matters.

[Capricorn76]

I had to go NC with one of my brothers a few years ago. I think I've seen him twice in 5 years. He made my life hell growing up and after growing up in an abusive household and having my childhood spoiled by him I refuse to allow him to spoil my adulthood.

My parents, who spent decades excusing and enabling his behaviour but who have now also pretty much kicked him out and washed their hands of him (apart from giving him money every week!), know to not complain about his ways to me as they did nothing to help me as they were more concerned about appearing to be a stable family.

You'll get 'but he's family' guilt trippers try to make you doubt your decision but you need to do it. Like my own DB he will never change.

[steppemum]

MrsBlennerhasset - di you name yourself after a teacher you had in a school near Liverpool ????

[ohfourfoxache]

OMFG Black

I know I'm late to the party but definitely, without any hesitation, NC and fight like fuck if he ever tries to get back in. Stupid, selfish, manipulative fucker

Del-Boy is soooooo cute!

[HunterHearstHelmsley]

How did it all come about? Did he call you?

[SparkleMotions]

OP I'm stealing 'cuntpuffin' 😂

Congrats on your little one :)

Sounds like you're much better off without DB in your life!

[justilou]

OMG - we have the same brother!!! We moved to the other side of the planet and "forgot" to forward contact details. Highly recommended. X

[Backt0Black]

Hi All you NC'ers (well done!... seriously, seems to take a lot of shit to get to the NC stage! x) and advisers and (rightly) bemused readers.

Quick thing - I cant take the credit for 'Cuntpuffin' it was a PP - bloody brilliant though and I've used it twice this week

Well.... for all those that felt he would escalate once I went NC, there is an have an UPDATE. Some may find it a sensitive topic, or a trigger and may not wish to read on.

• Text message from DB a few days ago - did I want to buy an item of furniture. Ignored as just bullshit to open lines of communication for next attempt to extract £.
  
• Noticed all facebook activity has been deleted for last 12 months (as prev mentioned upthread) .....so was expecting an 'event'
  
• Call from the police this AM. DB has stolen a car and has ran away to an undisclosed location to 'end it all'
  

I've heard the suicide line so many times now, it's always followed up with a request for £.....or on the back of something he has done (and this puts me in mind of deleting the entire year of FB posts so the police cant review) in the style of 'it doesn't matter what you've done, we'll support you, just come home and don't end it all'

Fed up and still resolutely NC.

[TheDevilMadeMeDoIt]

Stay NC, stay strong.

You know it's emotional blackmail, don't allow yourself to be reeled in.

It wouldn't be your fault if he did something to end it all, it's just another way of running away from his problems the same as getting you to bail him out when he owed thousands. If he doesn't do anything (which he probably won't) let him deal with the consequences of stealing the car etc.

You can only help someone who wants to be helped, you can't 'help' someone who just wants you to do it all for them.

[SidAndNancy]

Not really relevant but why are you posting from your husbands account and not your own?

[Backt0Black]

SidandNancy .... why does it matter to you, and why the ?.

The explanation is right there, upthread and its a little sad I had to worry about suspicion to worry about explaining in the first place, more so that I'm having to repeat the explanation. No matter, I will repeat, I'd originally posted the thread from his tablet. He had his tablet with him at work when I posted the update. I'm posting from my laptop. Its not a big thing for us all to use each others devices surely.

[Backt0Black]

Thanks theDevil

You're right, the help would not welcomed

I agree its very unlikely he will do anything. He's threatened it so many times. Sadly I've known a couple of people that chose to end their lives. They did so very quietly, privately..... and not after a public 'joyride' with the whole world on notice of intent.

[Soubriquet]

People who threaten suicide when not getting their own way are pathetic

My MIL tried that after I suffered my first miscarriage because she wasn't priority anymore

So she wrote out a big letter saying goodbye and swallowed some pills

Not enough to kill her but enough to make her sleep so dh would find her on the chair and panic.

Because she's done this before he just called an ambulance and left her to it.

She refused all medical care and then threw a fit that dh didn't care if she lived or died.

Funnily enough she hasn't done it since. She knows dh won't fall for it anymore

One of the long reasons why we are NC with her

[Backt0Black]

Crazy isn't it Soubriquet??

Waving round suicide as the ultimate 'get out of jail' or 'trump' card, sorry to say but your MIL sounds a bit narcissistic. After an MC surely the mature emotional response is support and if preferred by the sufferer polite distance to allow recovery and time to grieve?? NOT wah wahhwahhhhhh, footstamping, spotlight grabbing and drama making. Sorry you went through that.

For DB - he knows I'm 8 month pregnant, have a heart issue and just don't need his hassle and self created dramas and wannabe 'thug life'. ....but as I've gone NC he clearly needs big action now and I can just go sod myself

[CookieDoughKid]

Blimey. Good riddance OP! He is not your responsibility! you owe him nothing.

Just get on with your life you don't need blood draining energy sucks like him!!

[Backt0Black]

cookie ...on the one hand thanks, and I will heed your advice ..... on the other hand..... gahhh! I the bump could really fancy some cookiedough now

[CookieDoughKid]

Here is a biscuit . Let me feeed youuuu

[ohfourfoxache]

Christ Back, how bloody selfish and nasty of him to do this

He knows you're preggers, yet he still makes everything about him

Stay NC my dear, you don't need this shit

[ohfourfoxache]

Meant to ask, what did the police say? Did you tell them you're not in contact?

[Milklollies]

If he does commit suicide then I'd say all for the better. Who knows what he would do to your unborn child. He really is a harm to your baby if you stay in contact with him. Good riddance! I was on your original thread.

[Backt0Black]

cookie too late - I went nuclear on some leftover Christmas nibbles

fourfox not a lot, I think they were hoping I could tell them where he was or that he has been in touch, hoping they would be able to close the book on the stolen car sooner. I just explained that I was very sorry for the car that had been taken and that its owner had my sympathies (apparently a friend of his), offered a few suggestions of other relatives he may show up at (sorry if anyone out there thinks this makes me a snitch - but I really think it is best he is stopped while its just car theft, he has form for armed robbery, which is an altogether longer sentence) Explained I I was NC and currently heavily pregnant and didn't want the hassle or any future contact with him as I couldn't financially afford to be in touch any more and didn't want the lifestyle he leads around upcoming DS....oh and that the suicide cry had been heard many a time so they should divert resources into people that really need it.

milklollies I can understand that, and have heard it quite a few times, can't bring myself to say it in case by some edge-case the worst did happen- but fucks sake he is total fuck up and a leech and a danger to himself and his family and has burnt through so many chances and new starts its unreal. He's far better out of my unborn and his young kids lives. Totally incapable of putting anyone's needs ahead of his own desire to 'party with his boys' and make a fast buck to look like a big man with his drug cronies.

[ohfourfoxache]

He sounds like an absolute fucking wanker

Feel really sorry for his poor kids. Can't imagine they ever saw any of your gifts

[Backt0Black]

oh he is..... but then posts shit like this on his facebook, like he's some wronged, misunderstood, fucked over hero. What a tit. The only one not to trust is him!!!!

[P1nkP0ppy]

Pathetic specimen isn't he?
You're infinitely better off without him in your life. He's an abusive, waste of space leech.

[Milklollies]

Good luck OP and I hope your LO turns out to be a super genious who might one day find the cure for HIV.