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AIBU?

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Original poster

More a wwyd, household finances?

99 replies

sailorcherries · 10/01/2017 18:01

My OH and I aren't married and have rented together since 2015 and finally bought a property and moved in in August 2016.

Currently we each have our own accounts and a joint account. We each transfer roughly the same amount each month (I earn a little more so transfer a little more, roughly £60ish). This is enough to cover the bills and leave a little extra in the account in savings. We then use the rest of our money on our own expenses (car, petrol, phone etc) and savings.

He is soon starting a new job, with higher potential earnings. Would it be wrong to ask him to increase his input in to the joint account to ensure we have joint savings and can afford days out/holidays etc from there and not personal money/savings? My career is a steady wage that will increase over the next 5 years (6 point scale and I'm currently on the 1st rung). I input the same amount each month and as my wage increases I plan on increasing the amount accordingly. I'm not asking him to put thousands in but say and extra £100 or so if he has it free, giving us £2000- £2500 sitting for birthdays/holidays/christmases etc.

How do you and your OH split finances if you don't mind me asking? I know my parents only have 1 account and each of their wages go in there with all bills coming out. However, they never had separate financial lives before committing.

OP posts:
luckylucky24 · 10/01/2017 18:05

I would suggest you each put in a percentage of your wage rather than an amount. Much fairer imo.

smilingsarahb · 10/01/2017 18:12

We added our salaries together and then worked out what % of the total income we earned. Then we worked out all our joint costs and each put in an amount that was the correct %. It worked very well before kids...as our incomes were similar. now I do feel like he has a little more to himself than I do. I reduced hours and changed jobs to do more with the children and even though his contribution to the joint account dwarfs mine...The bit to himself dwarves mine too.

Themoonhatesthestars · 10/01/2017 18:14

You need to find something that works for the both of you. We used to put a percentage of our wage into the joint account. So we would both put in 80% and since he was a higher earner he was putting in a higher value and keeping a higher value than I was but it worked for us. It seemed fair that even though I earned less we were both contributing the same and meant we didn't have to justify anything we felt like spending our money on. However neither of us used money as a control so would happily pay for extra things as needed.

IndigoSister · 10/01/2017 18:16

I'd put all the wages into a joint account, pay the majority of things from there including petrol, travel, etc then transfer an equal amount into each of your personal accounts for personal spending (clothes, hair, coffee, going out, etc)

Original poster
sailorcherries · 10/01/2017 18:19

smilingsarahb I might be being dense here but do you mean if your joint wages were £4000 (I wish!) and you contributed £2500 (62.5%) and him £1500 (37.5%) and expenses were £2000 then you'd put in £1250 and him £750?

I think a percentage of our wages might be fairer.

OP posts:
ailPartout · 10/01/2017 18:20

How do you and your OH split finances if you don't mind me asking? I know my parents only have 1 account and each of their wages go in there with all bills coming out. However, they never had separate financial lives before committing.

A percentage sounds fair.

DH and I have one current and one savings account between us. We each get £100 cash pcm to 'fritter'. Everything else is family money.

Scholes34 · 10/01/2017 18:24

Yep - all into one account. Take what we need when we need it.

smilingsarahb · 10/01/2017 18:27

Sailor cherries. ..yes exactly that...It didn't seem bonkers when we set it up although I can see it's not the most obvious system.

SheldonCRules · 10/01/2017 18:29

I think 50/50 is fairer when only living together and not married. I'd not be building up joint savings with a partner unless both were contributing the same amount and the bank account had protection in place.

BikeRunSki · 10/01/2017 18:32

We used to do the percentage of wages. Then DH took out s massive loan to enable him to buy out a partner at work. He pays this off with his significantly increased salary. The rest is based on percentages.

LoupGarou · 10/01/2017 18:34

Everything of ours goes into one account and all bills etc come out of the same account, all money is seen as household money, not mine or DH's.

BikeRunSki · 10/01/2017 18:46

All money being household money would never work for us.

DH will happily spend £100 on a pair of bike pedals, which makes me (even asa cyclist) Hmm. Equally, I'm not sure he understands why I need so many books and shoes Neither of us would want to ask the other's permission to spend on themselves.

ailPartout · 10/01/2017 18:54

DH will happily spend £100 on a pair of bike pedals

Tell him to stop skimping!

That's where our (DH and I) arrangement comes in. That £100 is for frittering / bike stuff for me / climbing stuff for him with no questions asked. Bigger purchases are usually friendly negotiations. As we're both adults, we both understand what constitutes reasonable spending.

Fuel, phone bills, holidays etc all come out of the family account.

I genuinely don't understand people negotiating percentages of salaries when together. I earnt nothing for 6 years. DH earnt significantly less than me when we married. Similar earnings now although he works a 4 day week. It seems like some form of mistrust to keep things apart.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 10/01/2017 18:56

Thanks for the replies everyone, definitely food for thought

OP posts:
LoupGarou · 10/01/2017 18:57

DH and I don't ask permission from each other to spend money on ourselves.

SilentBatperson · 10/01/2017 19:19

There are three schools of thought. All in one joint pot, contribute equal shares or contribute shares proportionate to earnings. Pluses and minuses to both, depending on circumstances, children, financial commitments etc.

When DH and I first met, I was working and he wasn't so I paid for more stuff. When we moved in together we earned similarly and we contributed 50/50 for bills and household expenses. For things like holidays, treats and indeed paying for the wedding, it was more who had more to spare at that point. We weren't as organised as you seem to be! I would say the 50/50 approach works best when you are similar earners and/or don't have DC to look after.

Since having DC, I have generally earned less as I do fewer hours (though my hourly rate has been higher or same as his for a while now!) and we just sort of pay as we go. Neither of us would be ok with me having to pay the same because I made job and earning decisions based on childcare (actually so did he, but less). Responsibility for bills depends on who sorted it when we last moved house, iyswim. Both made sure we had at least two direct debits in our name for credit and ID purposes. We both have our own accounts but it's effectively communal, either of us could have the contents of the other's account if we wanted and I'm in charge of finances. We both spend on small things for ourselves without discussion, anything more than about £50 would probably be mentioned, but neither of us has expensive tastes or hobbies. We've never really formalised it, it's just how things have shaken down.

Babyhiccups · 10/01/2017 19:25

I think it's fair for both parties to have equal 'frittering' money. I'm on mat leave at the mo but when working again, all wages will go into the joint, surplus will go into the savings and we'll both get £200 a month for personal spends.

However, we do earn similar money so it doesn't feel unfair. Just how much more than you does he earn? Is there anything in particular you're saving for?

harrietm87 · 10/01/2017 19:25

We've got a joint account and pay a set amount in each per month to cover mortgage, bills, groceries and and anything left goes on fun stuff. I pay 60% of the total monthly amount and DH 40% to reflect the difference in our earnings. It works for now but when we have kids I think we'll put more joint money.

Rixera · 10/01/2017 19:27

Bikerunski- he doesn't understand why you need so many books?! LTB.

BikeRunSki · 10/01/2017 19:27

Lol ail Grin mine were only £80....

BikeRunSki · 10/01/2017 19:28

Rixera you can barely move on our house for bikes (both of ours) and books (largely mine).

Original poster
sailorcherries · 10/01/2017 19:32

Just now we earn a similar amount but his new job is in sales and he could, potentially, earn double what I do in a given month but won't earn any less.

So in a good month he could contribute the same amount as me and then have over £1200 sitting for himself, after paying his car, while I have about £200- £300. I'm also going on mat leave soon so obviously wouldn't be able to contribute the same amount as my car etc will take up perhaps 3/4 of SMP and there will be no other money.

OP posts:
sadandanxious · 10/01/2017 19:36

When we first moved in together we each contributed 50:50. Then after a year we re-evaluated and DP suggested we each contribute an amount that meant we had roughly equal savings left. So as it's worked out he contributes significantly more than me but only has £100 more than me to save or spend as he pleases. We put in £200 pcm more than the bills so we can spend it on meals out, day trips etc. Anything extra then like holidays we tend to split 50:50. Everyone is different and I know our setup wouldn't work for everyone but it works for us.

I don't think you'd be unfair to ask him to contribute more when he's earning more.

Allthewaves · 10/01/2017 19:37

When we both earned we agreed
x amount would be spending money for us each to keep,
x amount for all bills,
any left over went into joint savings

Allthewaves · 10/01/2017 19:40

We still do same now i'm pt really but dh puts more in the bills and savings account as i don't have as much left over once iv taken out my spending money from my wages.

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