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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

More a wwyd, household finances?

99 replies

sailorcherries · 10/01/2017 18:01

My OH and I aren't married and have rented together since 2015 and finally bought a property and moved in in August 2016.

Currently we each have our own accounts and a joint account. We each transfer roughly the same amount each month (I earn a little more so transfer a little more, roughly £60ish). This is enough to cover the bills and leave a little extra in the account in savings. We then use the rest of our money on our own expenses (car, petrol, phone etc) and savings.

He is soon starting a new job, with higher potential earnings. Would it be wrong to ask him to increase his input in to the joint account to ensure we have joint savings and can afford days out/holidays etc from there and not personal money/savings? My career is a steady wage that will increase over the next 5 years (6 point scale and I'm currently on the 1st rung). I input the same amount each month and as my wage increases I plan on increasing the amount accordingly. I'm not asking him to put thousands in but say and extra £100 or so if he has it free, giving us £2000- £2500 sitting for birthdays/holidays/christmases etc.

How do you and your OH split finances if you don't mind me asking? I know my parents only have 1 account and each of their wages go in there with all bills coming out. However, they never had separate financial lives before committing.

OP posts:

ChuckDaffodils · 27/02/2017 13:11

We put the same percentage of our take home wages in - currently 65% goes into the joint account and we pay for the house, bills, house spends, holidays out of it. It leaves us both with the same percentage of own money which we invest or spend as we wish.

Writerwannabe83 · 27/02/2017 13:12

Both mine and DH's pay goes into our joint account and then we take out £400 each and put it in our personal accounts. Absolutely everything gets paid for out of the joint account and we each spend our personal £400 however we want.

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 27/02/2017 13:19

Any system that ends up with him having a lot more disposable income than you is a bad one.
Personally I favour the all in one pot method, at least when you have children (after all if you can mingle your genes to create new people, surely you can mingle your cash to create a fair family?), but that doesn't work for all.
But if you go on maternity leave and end up with no money while he has hundreds or thousands a month to do with as he pleases, its a recipe for disaster.

BirdInTheRoom · 27/02/2017 13:22

We have one pot that everything comes out of. Neither of us need to ask permission to buy anything but we do discuss and agree large on purchases together. We didn't start out like that pre marriage and kids, but that how it has ended up and it works really well for us.

It seems really unfair to me that when there is disparity between earnings in a partnership that one partner can be significantly better off than the other - especially where one person is earning less so that they can look after children.

NoSquirrels · 27/02/2017 13:23

lookatme My partner and i earn the same so what i want to ask is - for those couples who have a weekly allowance, what would you do if the other partner smoked?

The majority of his allowance would be spent on cigarettes and not much left where as mine as a non smoker would have lots left. i don't see this as fair on him but at the same time i don't see why i shouldn't have the same disposable allowance.

His choice, isn't it? He chooses to light up & burn his spending allowance. If he doesn't like being skint, then he can give up or cut down smoking. Completely fair on him.

madcapcat · 27/02/2017 13:34

Look at me: my dh is a smoker. I have a horse. Mine is more expensive :-)

PolarBearGoingSomewhere · 27/02/2017 13:40

We have always just had the one account since we decided to move in together (just for 2 or 3 months before we lived together, we'd been together a year then). However I do understand that won't work for everyone so perhaps a percentage as PP suggests - for example he earns 70% of the household income so pays 70% of the costs. It should be done by net income imo though. That would still give you each a good disposable income.

Neither of us have ever asked the other for permission to spend from the household money but we have broadly similar approaches to money. We tend to discuss bigger ticket purchases like holidays or household appliances anyway as they affect us both. Personal items such as clothes (special dresses for a wedding or branded shoes) would tend to be a gift.

Ringsender2 · 27/02/2017 13:41

we're very similar to SilentBatperson. Our system has evolved organically and with each house move. I think we might manage to save a bit more if we were more organised with a joint account the savings accumulate in, however.

Klaphat · 27/02/2017 13:43

My partner and i earn the same so what i want to ask is - for those couples who have a weekly allowance, what would you do if the other partner smoked?

DH pays for his cigarettes out of his own personal allowance. I don't want him to smoke, he doesn't need to smoke, so I won't consider contributing jointly to that particular expense. The rest of the time he blows his personal spending money on random phone game purchases, so it's not like he's missing out on saving up for something awesome by losing his money to cigs.

Chloe84 · 27/02/2017 13:52

I'm thrifty so save a lot more than DH even though he earns more. We put % of salaries into joint current and joint savings accounts (for joint mortgage etc).

My personal savings is family money as well (as is DH's) but I still want it in my own account. It gives me a feeling of security

bumbleymummy · 27/02/2017 15:39

We have a joint account and all bills/monthly expenses come out of it. We transfer an equal amount into our own accounts each months and use that to pay for hobbies, clothes, birthday/Christmas presents for each other and anything else we want to fritter money away on. :)

MGFM · 27/02/2017 15:45

Silent - ours is same set up as you.

NapQueen · 27/02/2017 15:51

If he has a flexible income due to bonuses etc then maybe there could be an arrangement where he pays in a set percentage for bills then any bonus he gets goes into a family savings account for holidays and stuff?

Marmitelover55 · 27/02/2017 16:42

We just have the one joint account. No scrutinising occurs but we keep an eye on the balance to make sure it's going in the right direction. DH earns more than me but that has never been an issue.

FuzzyFalafelz · 27/02/2017 16:45

All the cash goes together in one account. We put some into savings and also have equal amounts to spend on ourselves. Both have £100 spends.

SomethingBorrowed · 27/02/2017 16:50

Pre-DC, both working:
x% of salary goes into a joint account used for rent, bills, food.
the rest we are each free to spend (clothes, night outs, gifts)

Since having DC (either when only DH works, or when both of us work):
salary directly paid onto a joint account, which is used for everything.
My shopping sprees balances out DH's night outs, we rarely question what the other one spends, but we also ask/tell the other one if we are planning a big purchase.

SomethingBorrowed · 27/02/2017 16:56

Interesting question re cigarettes.
I initially wanted to say they should come out of the personal allowance as they are a treat, not a necessity. But then what about treats you get from the supermarket: alcohol, fancy chocolate, etc.
If the smoker doesn't drink and the other person drinks but doesn't smoke (or eats fancy chocs daily, or anything else at £5 per day), then either both are personal expenses or both are household expenses.

OverthinkingSpartacus · 27/02/2017 17:11

If he chooses to spend his allowance on cigarettes then that's up to him. It's totally fair. If he wants other things but finds he can't afford them because he's spent his disposable money in cigarettes, the fairest thing is for him to quit smoking. It's unfair if he ends up with more disposable income and you less just because he chooses to smoke.

If you have a joint pot I'd insist that you get to put away the same amount he spends on cigarettes in an account for yourself, not joint savings, but for you. If you already have a personal spends budget and you're putting what you haven't spent from yours into a joint savings I'd stop doing that also. You could save it seperatly and treat yourself to a big purchase. If he's chosen to send the same amount fags then that's his problem to be honest.

I say that as a smoker myself. No way should dh get less personal spends because I'm spending the bulk of mine on fags for myself. If I can't afford new clothes and fags, I'd go without one or the other, I'd feel selfish choosing the fags and then thinking dh should give me some of his disposable income to make it up.

alltouchedout · 27/02/2017 17:15

We've just done one single pot ever since we moved in together, before we had even talked about getting married. All income, regardless of source, is ours equally, all outgoings are our equal responsibility. We don't have savings atm but when we do, they are joint. Same for debts. Doesn't matter whose name it attached, it's family money.

OverthinkingSpartacus · 27/02/2017 17:21

* Interesting question re cigarettes.*
I initially wanted to say they should come out of the personal allowance as they are a treat, not a necessity. But then what about treats you get from the supermarket: alcohol, fancy chocolate, etc.
If the smoker doesn't drink and the other person drinks but doesn't smoke (or eats fancy chocs daily, or anything else at £5 per day), then either both are personal expenses or both are household expenses.

I smoke but don't normally drink.
Cigarettes come out of my personal spends.
The odd bottle of wine for dh will come out of food shop money because the odd bottle of wine every now and then isn't comparable to the constant cost of smoking. The equivalent would be the drinking partner spending a similar amount everyday on alcohol as the other spends every day on cigs. In which case either both come out of joint family pot, or none do.

I'd I said to dh my cigs are going to be added onto family food bill as he gets the odd bottle of wine he'd laugh.

Dh buys an expensive whiskey maybe once or twice a year, he pays for that out of his disposable income as costs more than the actual food shop itself, so more comparable to my cost of smoking if that makes sense.

SomethingBorrowed · 27/02/2017 17:32

OverthinkingSpartacus
I agree with your examples...

In our house DH drinks quite a lot (beer, wine, but also 1 bottle of whiskey every week or so). I don't drink at all. But I smoke. I did a rough estimate just now, and his alcohol costs more than my cigarettes - but almost the same. So it is fair to pay for both using household money.

However, as alcohol is often included in the food shop whereas cigarettes aren't, there is a natural tendency to consider cigarettes a personal expense vs alcohol being a household expense, which is not always fair.
Again, same with cigarettes vs any expensive item you buy at the supermarket.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 27/02/2017 18:50

We did 50/50 before marriage, seemed the best way as the costs were joint.

After marriage, we switched to one account when we bought the house as finances were entwined that way.

oblada · 27/02/2017 19:00

Here everything goes into one pot then I put the required amount into bills/direct debit account and some goes direct into savings as well. The rest is family money to spend as need be. No scrutinising but would discuss bigger purchases. We earn the same atm but it would be the same even if one earned a lot more, it's all team work :) with kids in the mix I don't get how this could ever work differently but even before this is what we did.

lookatmenow · 28/02/2017 11:19

Spoke with the DH who smokes and he's happy that the cigs come out of his weekly allowance and not family money - he even said it might make him cut down/give up this could be a good thing

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