Husband refusing to help when unwell

[Pominoz1]

yesterday I had a really bad fall on a wet bathroom floor, paramedics arrived, gas and air given, offered a ride to hospital which I declined, GP visited with some nice strong drugs. Husband was called and he came home from work at about lunchtime.

Today he got up early, got dressed and told me he was going to work.
He didn't give me the chance to get out of bed to even see if I could walk about unaided before he decided.

This happens every time I have ever needed any help.

He has a good job which allows for sick leave, careers leave and annual leave.
He NEVER goes to the hospital if he's had an accident, never takes time off sick.
AIBU in expecting his help ?
I called him a fuc bastard, told him I didn't want anything from him and Sod off back to work ... He took our son to school and came back to work from home. So he did the right thing but unwillingly and that hurts more than my back

Given that you didn't need to go to hospital, I think I'd have just taken it as given that you could 'walk unaided'. And you had painkillers; it's not his fault if you didn't take them for whatever reason.

It would have been nice for your husband to ask how you were but I wouldn't have expected him to take time off.

I'd also add that if someone had posted on here to say their husband called them a 'fucking bitch' because they went to work instead of nursing him after a fall for which he hadn't needed hospital treatment, people would be pointing out how abusive he was.

leaving a woman who isn't even well enough to speak

Er ... she was well enough to speak. She says she managed to call her husband a fucking bastard, for a start.

I had spinal surgery at the end of last year. DP took the week off work from when I got home to ensure I was looked after. I couldn't do anything except go to the toilet and that took an age!

I have regular times when my back is agonising painful to the point that I cannot walk at all. But my DC are older and capable of getting themselves up and out of the house and coming home again.

But if my youngest was younger then dp would have to rearrange work hours to take her to and from school.

Of course YANBU to expect kindness and compassion from your husband. He should have check you were alright. YABU for swearing at him and expecting him to stay at home unless you have small children who need physical care in which case, YANBU for that either. Otherwise, I really don't think he needed a day off work today,

Given that you didn't need to go to hospital, I think I'd have just taken it as given that you could 'walk unaided'.

Why? My mum had severe sciatica once, couldn't get out of bed. She didn't go to hospital, but still needed help in the house. My dad helped out, and I missed a few sessions in college to help out when he couldn't.

i have severe sciatica, i still don't expect my DH to take a day off work, i just take pain relief on top of my sciatica medication (amitriptyline) and get on with it.

i have a pair of crutches for the days when i struggle... i still get the kids to school!

Maybe he's sick of living with a drama llama and there have been so many of these times he just cracks on with it.

dolly

I was the woman who couldn't speak

To be honest if you aren't taking the medication prescribed and planning on working tomorrow I would leave you to get on with it.

I disagree that he should have asked if she needed help. She's an adult who can speak, if she needs something he should be able to rely on her telling him. She's not a child who needs to be prompted.

People tend to do for others what they'd expect others to do for them. That makes the more independent/self-sufficient person look neglectful to the other.

I read many threads on here where a woman feels unloved because her partner is not proactive in caring for her. My instinctive reaction is these women are expecting to be treated like children, but on reflection it would be fairer to say they just have a different standard for what they expect. I would add that a standard that involves expecting and giving more care isn't intrinsically better or worse than one that involves less, it's just different.

*I disagree that he should have asked if she needed help. She's an adult who can speak'

Christ. I'd have thought it was the normal thing to do to enquire after a spouse who was feeling ill or who'd had a fall! Some of you must have utterly grim relationships.

mummy thank you for clearing that up, ib my opinion yes, if there was no other than to leave you alone in that state, he should have left his job, because that's unfair to you and your child. SS care packages exist. DLA exists to pay for childcare. Anything but that.

I'm just saying berating the OP for feeling a bit sorry for herself after a fall because you have a chronic illness is shit and unfair. And I say that as a chronic pain/fatigue sufferer. Its not a competition. I agree not taking the meds was a mad idea, but that doesn't mean he should just leave without a backward glance.

This happens every time I have ever needed any help

And you decided to make him the father of your child and to stay with him?

drama over, business as usual on mn.

Its a week since my accident, I have read over all the comments from you lovely lot :) Ignoring the haters and loving the sympathetic ones who 'get' it. I am sore but moving around and determined to get my core muscles into some sort of shape in the future should this happen again.
I was lucky with the service offered that day, the paramedics called the GP to say I needed strong pain relief. I can't take Codeine so GP gave me rectal ibuprofen, this had no affect on my abilities to drive, think clearly etc. Did give me the shi** after two days though !!
I still believe he should of offered to see how I was before he left for work, or escaped ... depending on your thinking.

A lot of things for me to think about and make some decisions