To be annoyed with parents allowing their "just walking " toddlers to wander aimlessly

[Ab1000]

When I'm on my lunch break I'm always in a rush to get stuff done. It's so annoying when parents allow their kids to toddle around and get in everyone's way. I have two children so I do know what it's like but mine were either on reins or had a hand firmly held.

Think about it from another point of view...If you had a childminder or nanny and you saw her walking along a pavement and your toddler roaming free, ie not at all safe, would you be happy? If childminders want to take children out on trips they have to do risk assessments, and proving all the children in their care are safe is very important, so why do some parents think it's ok to do the complete opposite?!

Ok I think I've got this straight.

Toddlers should not be:
-in shops

• on stairs
• on the school run
• on the pavement.

They are free to go anywhere else apart from
-7.30 am - 9.00

• 11.30 am - 12.00
• 4.30 - 6.00 pm.

Any deviation from these rules will result in everyone in the vicinity, all of whom are rushing to visit dying relatives whose faces have exploded and are lying in bed going "aarrrrhh", being late for work and then being made homeless so that they sleep outside Debenhams and get pissed on while being a heroin addicted prostitute whose children get taken into care and then embark on a life of petty crime and being a drain on the welfare state.

So think on before you let your toddler stop to pick up that leaf, you PFB entitled bitch.

Mamabeak. Perhaps I phrased it wrongly I complete understand about isolation and loneliness in the elderly especially in rural areas. but the whole point of this thread is that we should all have an awareness of others and not just ourselves. If you want to chat in the aisle in the supermarket stand to one side not in everyone's way and the same with toddling kids. I have no problem with kids walking just not when they are uncontrolled and wandering around where they are going to get hurt or bumped into. This thread is certainly controversial but those who say toddlers have every right to wander are surely as self important as those they criticise.

@hazeyjane (Are you Alice from the band HazeyJane?) I once had the experience, on the bus, of having to fold my (large, off road puschar) and take my son out, but the driver refused to help either by folding the pushchair or by holding my barely walking, but also very large bumshuffling bolter of a 2 1/4 year old and got very irritated at the time it took for me to unload the shopping in the basket of the pushchair). I had shopping in the pushchair basket (having gone by bus and on foot several miles to get to the Mums and Toddler group then the allergen free stuff that my son would eat from the one nearby local stockist ).
I appreciate the elderly lady with her mother, in a wheelchair, was disabled "my mother would love to be able to walk" but so too is/was my son (Spectrum, ADHD, coordination, hypotonia, hypermobility though not yet diagnosed with any of these at that point), and I did not want to have to explain that no my son was not over 3, could not actually walk, and could not be trusted - even if it were hygienic - to sit on the bus floor immobile.

The woman with the elderly mother was also berating the length of time I was taking (plus the other passengers) as the bus could not move till I got it all sorted.
I prob. should have just got off the bus but rare buses that travelled the rest of the route without changes, and I had to be home by a certain time for my son's routine. Rinse lather repeat when we had to get off the bus - with the driver almost throwing the shopping off the bus after me, once I got out.

I ended up leaving the shopping, plus buggy at the bus stop, walking to a neighbour carrying my child, and she and he waited at my house till I then went to fetch the buggy and food.

Don't know why I am sharing...neither my son and I (on my one day off I could do this shopping run) nor the woman with the elderly mother had more of a right to that wheelchair/buggy space on the bus - yes my son was in a puschair and a child but also a non-walking child with additional needs.

As an adult, would you stop in front of a lot of people behind you to pick up a leaf, like a toddler on free roam might, or would you stand to one side and let them pass before blocking the pavement? If you would wait, why allow your child to hold people up? It's also about teaching your little one to be polite etc. If you were holding their hand and they wanted to pick something up, you would pull them gently to one side and encourage them to wait for people to pass surely?

Like many posters on here I am also amazed how many parents are saying "he won't hold my hand", or " he won't go in the buggy", or "he won't wear reins"?!!! Make them!!!!! They may have a screaming fit, but you have to show who is in charge surely?!
I know it is amazing how many parents actually ask their toddlers rather than tell them.

Sometimes you see parents in the shop asking toddlers what they want for the tea and being annoyed when they suggest crisps and sweets.

Adults are in charge of toddlers, not the other way round.

@mumzypops Not holding a hand I get (but then you hold their wrist, if you need to and if your child is touch aversive, you limit this to when you really need to and everyone will just have to weather the screaming).

Reins and sitting in the pushchair I am absolutely with you on the fact they have to manage it. My son wore reins/harness in high chair and the buggy harness from when he wore them, and the transition to a bumshuffling/walking harness was a smooth progresssion - he had an extension length of about 50 cm and longer when he bumshuffled to save my back, and when he did learn to walk, because if he was any closer he would get caught up in my feet.

I am not sure how people feel they can keep a toddler or preschool child reliably safe, in the dark, for example, along a busy A road at, say 5.30 after work, with neither reins nor pushchair (or carrier), however short the journey on foot; far less expect a toddler to walk a even a mile either way (in daylight or not) let alone with any predictability or at any reasonable pace, on a regular basis without a pushchair though pushchair and child on reins are not always an ideal combination.

Hate this was in a coffee shop while out on the motorbike with dp there was a couple with a toddler just letting him run about getting in peoples way while they cooed and took photos ignoring him grabbing other peoples things and just being a pain. I have children but knew that jot everyone thought my little ones where as cute as i did and also that its not safe for them to run about coffee places.

There's a time and a place etc.
Like pp I've never been v sympathetic towards parents saying their toddler "won't go in the buggy" or "won't hold my hand". If you can't make a toddler obey a few rules you're going to have mega problems by the time they're 5 yo!

To be fair though the worst experience ive had was in a restaurant where a group of parents were ignoring their children (5+) climbing along the tops of all the booths while they sat drinking wine. When one of the waitresses asked them to keep them under control they just shrugged and said thats what kids do. It was only when my then 4yo loudly proclamed that "those children are naughty" that they told them to stop

@MrsJayy At that point, as with the screaming, lying in a doorway, whatever the child's level of ability or degree of needs, I would put the child in the buggy, or a carrier (if not to heavy). Or pick them up. While (beyond the anecdote of the bus I recounted) I once just abandoned the heaviest/cheapest of bags of shopping, to do this (close to home - a friend went to fetch them immediately after I got home and phoned), I have also physically moved child a short distance to a quieter cul de sac or once the library grounds, or sat on wall/gate, even just inside a garden - the Minister's - waiting out the tantrum and yes, once that did take over 90 minutes to make that ten minute walk back home (we reverted to the pushchair being on hand again).

Nevertheless one presumes that in a high chair or booster chair, car seat or pushchair these same children have at some point worn a harness and in the case of a car seat still will be harnessed?

I find it irritating when people allow toddlers to walk incredibly slowly down public staircases. I know they need to learn but a busy railway station or shopping centre on Saturday afternoon isn't the place.

Please just pick them up and let us all get past.

@PersianCatLady - when I was young (I am a very old mum), my mother and especially grannie whom I lived with for much of the time, DID take me where they wanted to go, and do what they wanted to do a lot of the time, but also did kid things too (well my grannie did).

Nowadays (while they did not ever pan out well for my son, when we could get to them), you get jungle gyms/soft play areas in eating places, or with cafes integrated. If it is inside you want, got to a soft play area if there is one nearby...mums chat and supervise, children run around...

Orangebird69 You encircle their wrist with your hand, if they will not hold your hand, or you put them in reins/harness/wrist strap, jimmying the fastening clip closed with a large nappy safety pin if needs be, and if you need them to move but they won't, and they are too large for you to (or you are too encumbered to) carry at least to sit and wait it out in a quiet corner/garden/gate, holding them if needs be, they you take a pushchair and pop them in the pushchair.

For those of you who's kids won't use reins you can buy backpacks with a lead attached, most kids like the big boy/girl aspect. What gets my goat is parents who find what's on their phone more interesting than what their kids are doing.Wish Ihad a jammer

@Ifoundthebread I am amazed: even at 3 when my son was at last walking with some competence, and running, he still could not manage more than say an hour's dog walking or somewhere around a mile and a bit each way. And not at any kind of speed that would have made undertaking anything not immediately close at hand (less than 1/4 mile) practical far less getting him to nursery in the morning and myself by public transport to work on the days I worked. Even at 5, it would take 55m to 1hr to walk the 1.8 miles home from school... (at that point I took him to school on a bicycle trailer then walked to collect him on non-work days, or on work days I got a taxi to take him to school/myself to work).

WOW!! Everyone has examples of when this happened when that happened. I have, i also have them but with adults doing this, crazy diagonal walkers, random people stopping in front of me, doing complete 180 degree turns. Not to mention the 100s of times i have had people who havent got a clue whats going on around them coz they are on their phones. MOST of the "street wars" I have been encountered have been with fully grown people. Im struggling to think of 3 occasions where my day has been delayed by anyone elses toddler other than my own.
To start saying you shouldnt do this, allow that is just plain wrong, no not wrong stupid. However your not saying everyone who could potentially delay you, just the toddlers..............??

If you cant afford 1 minute being dealyed in your busy lunch break..............can you not take your lunch to work....... Just a thought :)

Mumzy if my child started crying and I'd just paid for my food, there's no way I would be taking him out just to make people like you comfortable. Babies are babies and they will cry and make noises wherever they go. Anyone incapable of understanding that is a twat. Why are there so many miserable entitled people about is beyond me! 😠

Someone's always going to be pissed off either way. Whilst I don't agree with toddlers running around in restaurants, coffee shops etc, people are going to be equally as annoyed if they have to listen to a screaming toddler who doesn't want to be in a pushchair.

I always remember once I was in a caf (not a coffee shop), my DS1 was in a highchair and had just started eating his dinner, when DS2 who was 3 months started screaming the place down. He'd had heart surgery two months prior, & this was the first outing I'd had with both of them since returning from hospital, and spending weeks in the house.

I attempted to feed DS via his NG tube which meant I had to put him in the buggy, as I couldn't do a gravity feed whilst holding him. All the while I was aspirating his tube, checking the PH and holding the milk up, he screamed blue murder. After about 5 minutes he still wouldn't stop crying, I tried everything.

People were staring, whispering, shaking their heads at me, pointing etc. Flustered and close to tears, I put DS1 in the buggy even though he hadn't finished eating, had one sip of my drink, rushed out and burst into tears.

Whilst I was getting both of the DC ready to go I overheard someone say, 'I wish she'd get that baby to shut up' (like I wasn't trying) and the person sitting opposite them replied 'you shouldn't have kids if you can't look after them'.

After that, I spent months in the house and refused to go out. It really knocked my confidence (I was already suffering from PND) and has put me off going out unless I really need to.

I always took my baby out of restaurants when they cried if they couldnt be soothed its not fair on other diners who have paid and dont want to listen to that crap. Its even worse when its an older kid throwing a tantrum.

@PersianCatLady - when I was young (I am a very old mum), my mother and especially grannie whom I lived with for much of the time, DID take me where they wanted to go, and do what they wanted to do a lot of the time, but also did kid things too (well my grannie did)
Fair enough I suppose different people have different experiences.

Jesus, the notion of subjecting an entire restaurant to the sound of your baby screaming because it's what babies do is breathtakingly stupid selfish

Shashasma, so you would sit there eating your lunch, letting your child scream, whilst everyone else in the restaurant stares at you? How rude. Wouldn't it be easier to remove them and then return to eat your lunch when they have calmed down? Your lunch may he cold, but hey, hard luck, that's what being a parent is all about. We've all had to go through it. Yes if course Babies cry, but not everyone has to sit and listen to it, just rude not to remove your child. Let's see if you feel the same when someone does it to you in say five years time!

Think it's a shame this thread just seems to highlight the lack of respect to others across the board. If you can take a minute to walk around/passed another be it a toddler/elderly person or do more than shrug when you bang into a child with your supermarket trolley what kind of person are you?!
A toddler has no sense of time, their just experiencing the world for the 1st time around them why would you want to treat them with intolerance?
Yes parents have a duty to make sure their kids are safe and not going to cause an accident but as pp said no need to be a dick about it

Bluebellsparklypants. It has highlighted intolerance from both sides. It has highlighted that there are a lot of parents out there who think there dd/ds rights come above everyone else. It cuts both ways !