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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonably shallow?

80 replies

user1483809827 · 09/01/2017 12:45

I met a guy on tinder. We had our first date last Friday night and our second date yesterday.

I like him. His personality is great. There is sexual attraction there (although I haven't had sex in so long it's no surprise). He has a great body. He has a daughter and we're both on the same wavelength in that our dd's will always come first.

But.. I don't like his teeth. They're clean, it's not a case of poor oral hygiene but they're a bit crooked and it sort of ruins his smile.

Am I being really shallow? Apart from that he ticks a lot of boxes.

OP posts:

Ohdearducks · 09/01/2017 13:25

Dump him, he deserves better.

DownWithThatSort0fThing · 09/01/2017 13:25

Fuck me, Dave Grohl. He is fucking LUSH

NavyandWhite · 09/01/2017 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amusedbush · 09/01/2017 13:27

mistermagpie

Okay, I'll accept the technical distinction but for me, wonky teeth = bad. It's just a personal preference.

But hey, I'm a bit fat with thin hair and a big chin so I keep it to myself

LaContessaDiPlump · 09/01/2017 13:27

I am now trying to picture manly teeth.....

amusedbush · 09/01/2017 13:29

LaContessaDiPlump

They must exist - what else would this be used for?

NormaSmuff · 09/01/2017 13:29

i notice people's bad teeth, but i would be anti them because of their teeth.

tell him op, tell him to smile without showing his teeth

NormaSmuff · 09/01/2017 13:30

aargh, i meant I wouldnt be anti them because of their teeth.

knorrig · 09/01/2017 13:34

You can't help it if you're not attracted to him because of that - also, I think now it's in your head you'll notice them all the more rather than it go away.

I went on a date with a guy with a really squeaky camp voice (hadn't spoken on the phone beforehand) and I just could't get past it - I felt mean and shallow but some things just put you off people!

ps...I have crooked teeth, wonky ears and other quirks and see if as air enough if people don't like me because of that!

paxillin · 09/01/2017 13:38

I don't know, what are your non-negotiables? Good dad, sexy, intelligent, no drugs, no history of violence, good hygiene, straight teeth? How far up the list are straight teeth? Don't compromise if they are No 3 on the list, but if they are at 25 and make him a no-no, you'll have a long search for a partner ahead of you.

TuftyBum · 09/01/2017 13:48

YANBU.

Maybe you are focussing on his teeth as you are afraid of commitment? You said he seems great but you have focussed on one small thing.

LaContessaDiPlump · 09/01/2017 13:50

amused

op yes, it is a minor thing to press 'Reject' over - therefore I'd give it a bit longer and see if you notice any other entries for that side of the ledger. If you don't, then maybe you can overlook them. I went out with someone once who was, I realised, a long list of things I was overlooking and very little that I was actually looking at IYSWIM.

Good luck!

EZA15 · 09/01/2017 13:54

user1478860582 · 09/01/2017 13:54

Don't beat yourself up OP, and don't let others on here do the same.

At this moment in time, he's not quite right for you. You can't help why this is so, it just is.

Remember also that if you're with someone you don't physically fancy you're committing to a life time of sex with the lights off or doggy style.

FurryLittleTwerp · 09/01/2017 13:56

"he has a great body" - perhaps he's wearing a corset - once you get past the slightly crooked but perfectly okay otherwise teeth & get him into bed, you might be knocked sideways by the size of his flabby beergut...

WasntThinking · 09/01/2017 13:59

Op, you clearly don't fancy him enough so move on without guilt. But please don't mention his teeth as a reason, it will go with him all of his life and he doesn't deserves that.

NeeNahh · 09/01/2017 14:04

I don't think it's unreasonable not to pursue a relationship with someone because they have a feature you don't find attractive. You're not obliged to date someone just because they are nice.

Emmageddon · 09/01/2017 14:07

Crooked but clean teeth are fine, but if it bothers you enough to start a thread on it, then don't go any further with the relationship. Let him find someone who appreciates him for what he is and doesn't start dropping hints about orthodentistry on date 3.

You are unlikely to find someone who is 100% perfect, either through OLD or in real life, but good luck anyway.

It sounds like you are using his crooked teeth as a way of getting out of a potential relationship, because if you really liked the man, it wouldn't matter.

Agerbilatemycardigan · 09/01/2017 14:09

I spent 9 years with a man who had less than perfect teeth. He was totally different from my 2 previous partners (both of whom had the sort of teeth you see in toothpaste commercials), but he was by far my best relationship, and we are still the best of friends. I think if you set the bar too high with regards to something like a person's teeth, then you may be limiting yourself and also missing out on a that special someone.

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder · 09/01/2017 14:13

Don't really get all the harsh comments. When you first meet someone of course their looks play a part. You have to fancy someone, otherwise it's really not going to go anywhere is it? And if nice teeth float your boat then obviously someone with crooked ones isn't going to do it for you. I suppose it is shallow but that's just the way it works. I'm amazed that other people can't see that. Do you all fancy absolutely everyone you see because it would be shallow not to?

However, I do think that if you really liked him the teeth wouldn't matter. So the fact that they are putting you off probably means that he hasn't wowed you with his personality. No problem, just tell him you don't feel the spark and move on.

DearMrDilkington · 09/01/2017 14:14

To be fair, how bad are his crooked teeth? Are they just a bit out of line or are they all over the place?

I have crooked teeth but thankfully aren't too bad after years of braces but they still aren't properly straight. I'm aware its not the most attractive thing, but I'm not fussed about it.

DoomGloomAndKaboom · 09/01/2017 14:31

You are all being way too harsh and not asking the right question:

is he a vampire?

if he is, then YANBU - eat lots of garlic, wear lots of crosses, don't go out when it's dark and carry a wooden stake with you wherever you go

Katy07 · 09/01/2017 14:38

Are you perhaps focusing on his teeth because you have other, less tangible, doubts about him? I doubt you'd allow this to get in the way if you wholeheartedly liked him in every other respect.
^^ This.
Though I did meet someone once who told me in all seriousness that she judged people on "shoes, teeth & tits" - at which point I tucked my feet under the chair, closed my mouth, crossed my arms and decided that there was no way I'd be meeting up with her again, even if I miraculously passed inspection She wasn't even that impressive herself (looks OR personality) ...

InfoFreako · 09/01/2017 14:38

I don't think it's unreasonable to not be attracted to someone because you don't like their teeth. No different to not being attracted to someone because of their height, weight, complexion, etc. We all discriminate!

I read this article on BBC site. www.bbc.co.uk/news/disability-38528816

He seems such a lovely guy and says he's never had a girfriend. I'm sure if he was a foot taller he'd have no problems - I'm no psychic but I guess the number 1 reason was because women didn't like his height!

Cheers.

pipsqueak25 · 09/01/2017 14:38

let this one go and move on, it is a bit shallow but if you can't see past this it isn't boding well is it ?

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