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Original poster

Am I being unreasonably shallow?

80 replies

user1483809827 · 09/01/2017 12:45

I met a guy on tinder. We had our first date last Friday night and our second date yesterday.

I like him. His personality is great. There is sexual attraction there (although I haven't had sex in so long it's no surprise). He has a great body. He has a daughter and we're both on the same wavelength in that our dd's will always come first.

But.. I don't like his teeth. They're clean, it's not a case of poor oral hygiene but they're a bit crooked and it sort of ruins his smile.

Am I being really shallow? Apart from that he ticks a lot of boxes.

OP posts:
HardofCleaning · 09/01/2017 13:05

I think the bitchy comments you're getting is a bit much (and I say that as someone with wonky, rubbish teeth). Everyone's shallow - no one's going to go out with someone they're not attracted to. You haven't made any commitment to this guy after two dates so if you want to dump him for a trivial reason you don't have to feel guilty about it.

I would say that if you are going to make every physical flaw a breaking point in a relationship you are much more likely never to find a decent partner. As long as you find someone attractive enough the minor physical stuff probably isn't going to be a big deal in the long run. In any case you're both going to get fatter, wrinklier and more grey so it's better to be prepared for some imperfections if you want a LTR.

PollytheDolly · 09/01/2017 13:08

Have no fear of perfection, you will never reach it - Salvador Dali

amusedbush · 09/01/2017 13:08

I'm a bit Hmm about the comments you're getting, OP. I have a weird thing about teeth and couldn't kiss someone with bad teeth. I am very lucky that I have naturally straight teeth and I am far from a vision of perfection but it's just one thing I can't see past.

If it bothers you, it bothers you.

Ofalltheginjoints · 09/01/2017 13:10

I'd give it another date user if you feel that actually it's down to you being scared and looking for issues rather then it being an issue itself.
If when you reflect on it it really is a dealbreak then that's something only you can know but no one is perfect.

I did OLD and got rejected a few times when people found out about my crutches (despite them being in at least one of the photos I used) it was too much for people to consider taking on a disabled person, which was fair enough but being nicer about it then the replies of "oh no I couldn't ever be seen with a disabled person" as that wasn't great, thankfully DP was happy to ignore the crutches (and I love that even now he mostly forgets about them, despite his families initial reservations) what I'm trying to say if you do decide his teeth are an issue for him be kind when you end things as it isn't really something that he can change and actually may not want to, try not to ruin his self confidence and I wouldn't even mention them tbh

wanderings · 09/01/2017 13:12

I remember seeing in a teen magazine in 1997:

"I love my boyfriend, but let's face it, he's not exactly Leonardo DiCaprio. Should I stay with him?

The magazine's reply was: "Watch out, maybe he wishes you were Kate Winslet!"

mistermagpie · 09/01/2017 13:12

There is a difference between 'bad teeth' and 'crooked teeth' though in my opinion. Bad teeth sounds like they would be not looked after or rotten or something. I have crooked teeth but they are white and i have not a single filling (at 36) so I wouldn't say i have 'bad teeth'.

Butttons · 09/01/2017 13:12

wow - I can't believe some of the comments you're getting OP!

It's only been 2 dates, you're perfectly entitled to think "hmm, bad teeth", it's not as if you've had THAT much time to get to know him.

Am I being shallow as well if I say I'd feel a bit weirded out kissing someone with manky teeth?

Bluesrunthegame · 09/01/2017 13:12

Is it at all possible you are using this poor man's teeth as an excuse because you are nervous about getting back into dating etc? My exp had crooked teeth, clean, flossed etc. but crooked, and it didn't bother me in the slightest. We were colleagues and friends before we got together. I have since met men whose teeth have put me off and they were straighter than exp's! But I think it was either because something else was bothering me and I latched onto this or because I just wasn't ready to get back into dating. Give yourself time to get to know this man, if you concentrate on becoming friends and nothing more, his teeth might fade into the background.

NavyandWhite · 09/01/2017 13:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

timeforabrewnow · 09/01/2017 13:13

If the teeth are all out Bugs Bunny style or like that bloke from the Pogues, you would have a point.

But 'slightly crooked'? Yes, you sound very shallow and I'm not surprised at the harsh comments.

NavyandWhite · 09/01/2017 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 09/01/2017 13:15

Just don't string him along and then dump him after three moths when you realise you can't get past the teeth.

NavyandWhite · 09/01/2017 13:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blacksox · 09/01/2017 13:18

I don't think you are unreasonable.

Good teeth are really important to many people. It's no different to being put off by a receding hairline or a lack of height.

Shallow? Yes, but pretty natural too.

Quartz2208 · 09/01/2017 13:19

It sounds like you are scared of commitment and are focusing on the one negative you have to talk yourself out of it. Either because of a commitment issue or you are scared you will like him and get hurt or to rock together boat on your life at the moment.

VulvaInLaw · 09/01/2017 13:19

He probably won't be smiling much with you anyway. Confused

SaucyJack · 09/01/2017 13:20

You just don't like him enough. That's fine.

If you did then wonky teeth, baldness, beer bellies, convictions for drug dealing, yadda yadda yadda wouldn't put you off.

Just be nice don't tell him it's the teeth.

c3pu · 09/01/2017 13:21

Jesus I didn't expect all the harsh comments.

You're new here, aren't you?

Gin
Viviennemary · 09/01/2017 13:22

He might not like shallow folk who base everything on appearance.

Butttons · 09/01/2017 13:23

Navy I'd quite go for manly teeth Grin

NavyandWhite · 09/01/2017 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mistermagpie · 09/01/2017 13:23

SaucyJack has a point - the amount of lovely-sounding women on here putting up with all manner of horror-show husbands and partners because they 'love him', is testement to the fact that if you like somebody enough you will overlook all sorts (even crooked teeth).

NavyandWhite · 09/01/2017 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DownWithThatSort0fThing · 09/01/2017 13:24

Can we stand back and imagine what this thread would be if it was a man saying the same about a womans stretch marks??

He sounds a nice guy. Who should be with someone who adores him, quirks and all

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 09/01/2017 13:25

You can't help what you find unattractive.
You don't like something that much, you move on.