To feel a bit crap because

[AMillionMilesFromThere]

I've come for my first antenatal booking in appointment, just sat in the waiting area and can see loads of partners have come too.. don't think dh has ever been with me for any of my antenatal appointments (3rd pregnancy), because he's always busy with work and is ever practical .

I'm not sat crying over it - I just felt abit ... I dunno. Don't even know why I'm posting really ! Aibu to feel abit crap though?

Partners are legally entitled to take time off for antenatal appointments. Why isn't he bothering? I'm 20w and my husband has been to all of them. He'd be upset if I said he couldn't come. He wants to be part of the whole experience.

Way to go OP. You have gone from asking for a bit of support as you were feeling down that you had to go to your appointment alone. To insulting anyone who does have their controlling and out of work partner with them.

Nice.

DH came with me to all of my appointments, whenever I had blood taken (which always caused me to freak out and cry) he would drone on about he was also scared of needles. It made me want to stab him with a needle🙄

Not RTFT but tbh I think the midwives prefer it if it's just the woman there.

My very supportive DH never came to any midwife appointments. Waste of time IMO. He did come to scans though except extra ones I needed.

You're allowed to feel crap though, hormones init.

Oh give over butter , I was responding to precious posters and wasn't entirely serious either regarding the tracky bottoms fwiw

panda he's self employed so it doesn't really make sense to miss work for things that aren't completely necessary. Which I totally get. I just had a moment and now I'm absolutely fine

Previous not precious great typo though even if I say so myself

Just scans for my very supportive DH. Full time job didn't allow him to attend all the midwife appointments! And the be honest what would be the point in him coming along and watching the midwife dip test my wee?!

That's a grand bit of projecting there, butter.

My dp only went to scans no midwife appointments or doctors appointments. Don't worry lots of men can't get the time off work. I never felt bad not having him there. As long as he's there when it matters like the scans and supportive at the birth.

Noooo. I brought him with me to my first ob/gyn appointment (we were living overseas), and all ultrasounds, but beyond that, no. It's not like he'd be hearing anything new. It's mostly pretty dull stuff (except for the time the GP couldn't find the heartbeat at about 28 weeks, and had to call another GP in, who found it first go).

My midwife wouldn't like it either, she has to ask each patient about domestic abuse at every appointment which would be difficult if their partner was there.

I have had 4 kids and DH never came with me to routine appointments, just the scans. I never saw any point really and it would have meant him taking a day off work which could have been used for a family holiday .

My OH only ever came to scans. Booking appointments are soooo dull, I would feel horrible putting another human being through it who didn't have to be there. It's bad enough the midwife and I both have to suffer!

I think scans are very different because there might be definitive news about how the baby is doing. Whereas at MW appointments the worst that is going to happen is something requiring further investigation. If something like that happened I would ask my OH to come to the follow up with me, but it wouldn't upset me not to have him there for the original appointment.

Nope mine never came with me to any appointment either

I went to the Drs last week. I was surprised at how many couples were in there. I wonder what age that becomes a thing, if indeed it is an age thing.

I guess I would like him to be there if I thought it was going to be something important, but most of the couples that were seen before me didn't go into the Dr together, one of them just waited in the waiting room

My partner only came to scans. There's no point him being there for every little appointnent.

DH never came to MW appointments with me. came to both the 20wk scans and was there for the births (and was ace). TBH, I was always a bit about partners at every single appointment, seems a bit hover-y and controlling somehow...

My DH has very flexible working and so has been to most appointments but not all as he wants to be as involved as he can. Different people have different situations and preferences so I don't see the need to judge whether a partner is there or not.

My DP (armed forces) was deployed for almost my entire pregnancy so didn't come to any appointment or scan for DC2, in fact he got straight off the plane and met me at the hospital for my induction! He was in the country while I was pregnant with DC1 and made it to the scans but nothing else. His absence at the scans was sad but I didn't care at all about the routine checks. In an alternate universe where he'd been home for every appointment I still wouldn't have asked him to come, it just seemed unnecessary. If he'd have wanted to he could have though.

I think this is very much a 'to each their own' thing. Whatever makes you happiest. I've never seen a partner at an antenatal clinic so it might strike me as different, but nothing more.

How is it 'controlling'? I can underatnd that a controllingpartner may insist on attending the appointments or something, but you can't possibly discern this from seeing them in the waiting room (even if they are wearing trackies... )

Meh, whatever OP. I'm with mistermagpie and butter on this. You swung from feeling a bit crap because your DH didn't come to just being judgy at others whose partners did. Like we all don't get enough judgment as it is on every friggin choice you make as a mum or mum to be.

If it makes sense for your family and your partner can come, great. If it doesn't, that's perfectly fine too. Some of our partners are entitled to leave for antenatal appointments, some of them are only 10-15 mins from the hospital and it's frankly just insulting to assume we're "precious" or they're on the dole because they show up. I don't judge other women who're there on their own, I just assume they prefer it that way or their partner can't get time off or whatever.
But thanks for judging others who might be in different circumstances or have a different view of things.

Whatever back mis I was merely agreeing with other posters and taking possible other scenarios into consideration which I hadn't previously done so which could POSSIBLY include controlling partners or partners on the dole. The word 'precious' was a typo for the word previous fgs!

AMillionMilesFromThere some women don't drive and need their husbands to drive them to the appointments, so the children come along too. You seem very bitter that your husband didn't come with you. Some husbands think it's important to come with their wife, some don't. No need to make rude comments about the men that do come along.

I don't understand how a partner coming is controlling? It's their baby, of course they should be there if possible.

These partners could be there for a number of reasons. Yes that could include a controlling partner but it could also include a partner who is genuinely interested in the process or wanting to hear his babies heartbeat.
So much judgement of others just because they decide to do different from you.

Fwiw my partner does come to all appointments because he is interested and we usually book them on his day off. I don't drag him there, we are not joined at the hip, he is not controlling or unemployed and does own tracksuit bottoms
There is no right or wrong providing the pregabant women feels supported

Blimey. As nice as it would be to have my DH there, some of us don't have that luxury. My partner isn't entitled to time off as he's a contractor and works in the City. No work no pay. I go on my own - he comes to scans but all of my other appointments (and this time round I have a lot due to various medical issues) I'm on my own. There's nothing wrong with feeling a bit meh when you see others with their partners and I have felt the same at times, just for a bit, but being practical I know I can just tell him when he gets home, or give him a call.
It doesn't mean he's any less supportive, but again I don't get the luxury of picking and choosing my appointments. Between my midwife, consultant, consultant midwife, phlebotomist and sonographer my weeks are currently full of appointments so he would never be at work.
He'd love to be there, but with another on the way we can't afford for him to do so if I want him to have a week off when the baby comes.