To feel a bit crap because

[AMillionMilesFromThere]

I've come for my first antenatal booking in appointment, just sat in the waiting area and can see loads of partners have come too.. don't think dh has ever been with me for any of my antenatal appointments (3rd pregnancy), because he's always busy with work and is ever practical .

I'm not sat crying over it - I just felt abit ... I dunno. Don't even know why I'm posting really ! Aibu to feel abit crap though?

My DH came with me to some appointments, he wasn't, and never has been on the dole he works shifts including weekends so if my appointments were at a time he could make it, he would come. I imagine many of the others are the same.

That said, don't feel sad OP. He isn't really missing anything as you know! Most important thing is him being there when baby comes along.

My husband came to scans and the last appointment where we discussed birth plan stuff but only because he had a day off anyway. I went in for monitoring on my own. I think it's probably pretty usual for people that work 'normal' hours.

My dh came to all the scans....at least three each for two pregnancies and that was it. He couldn't just use all his leave for the various ante natal appointments, that would be silly, I'd rather he used it when the babies were here, which he did.

I don't think Dh came to any of mine apart from scans. And also right at the end when I had to see a consultant about some issues. It wouldn't have occurred to me that he would come for a run of the mill antenatal appointment, any more than he would come to the dentist with me.

My community midwife clinic is 10-12 on a Tuesday. That's it. I work an hours commute away, it's really not helpful! Husband comes to scans with me but there's no point us both missing work for a routine appointment.

And he wouldn't have needed to take leave or anything - he works very flexibly, mostly from home. It just honestly would not have occurred to either of us.

Dh only came to my scans. It honestly didn't cross my mind to ask him to come along really!

Dh didn't come to any of my booking in or consultant appointments we have 3 kids. Only ever came to the scans. Never bothered me in fact the majority of women were there on their own and the men that did come just got in the way because there was never enough room and midwives were always telling them to get up ad let the pregnant ladies sit down

Like most of the others here, my DP only came to the scans, especially by the 2nd & 3rd times... I liked him to come to those but preferred him not being there for the others. Didn't need him hanging around while I peed in a cup and had my blood pressure checked! Would've been different if there had been any complications, though.

As a former midwife I can say that most appointments with the woman alone are more effecient and useful to both woman and midwife. Of course men are entitled to be there and research shows that attendance at an appointments promotes bonding between father and baby but women do speak more openly when alone on the whole.

Perhaps the most common solution is for men to come to the scans and any decision making appointments when possible. Sometimes dad is more excited than mum so it is, indeed, horses for courses.

My DP has only ever been to the first two appointments (one of which was only because the midwife offered to come around to ours on a Saturday before she went on hols) but he has been to all of the scans instead. My pregnancy is low risk so there was no need for him to book time off work just to see them test a urine sample, check blood pressure etc. We are just about to move house and he's taking AL instead of paternity leave (makes more financial sense) so we'd rather him use holidays for that as opposed to boring appointment's.

DH didn't come to my anti natal classes or general appointments due to work. My sis came to my anti natal classes with DS1 and I went on my own with DS2. DH came to the scans and hospital tour though. I think it's very normal for a lot of women to go to most appointments alone

DH hardly came to anything, one scan for each baby and a handful of MW appointments.
The only times I really wanted him there was when I had a consultant appointment and they couldn't find the heartbeat, when I had a scan after a bleed and for the births.
I was high risk in all pregnancies so had loads of scans and appointments, with DC3 monitoring three times a week. I'd see the same people week in week out at the consultant appointments I was always baffled at how many partners managed to get so much time off work.

I've always been alone to booking in appointments. My DH has come to all scans this pregnancy apart from one of the growth scans, but two of them were while he was off work anyway. I've been to other appointments alone, however my last consultant appointment is this Friday and I've asked him to come for some moral support! They don't really do anything at booking in, as long as he comes to scans I think that's fine x

My DH came to my booking in app as I'd had a scan right before it (9 weeks) so he was there anyway. He's not been to any of the routine midwife apps but I had an emergency check up at maternity assessment and he came to that, which was really useful as he asked questions that wouldn't have occurred to me in my worry, and also remembered the answers!

H only came for scans (the usual 2 not the extra ones ) and I had a complex pregnancy with ds2. I remember the midwives being with him cause he didn't clutter up the ward when I had a suture to preserve pregnancy and that I sent him home when I was in second stage labour. I know my h and with his medical anxiety he is more hindrance than use. But that said I understand where you are coming from op.

My DH came to all my appointments but we have had 6 mc so are understandably a bit more cautious paranoid and needed to hold each other's hand a lot!

DH came to both of the scans and to one midwife appointment. He only came to that one as he happened to have the day off, he was at work for all of the rest.
Don't feel bad :) x

It's my first pregnancy and my OH is only coming to scans - everything takes so long at my hospital it's bad enough that one of us has to waste half a day.

It actually annoys me at the number of blokes in the waiting room - they're usually say down and heavily pregnant women are stood up with no chairs being offered!!

I found this odd too. So many partners come to the booking appointment, blood tests, midwife checkups.. I'm usually one of the only ones sat on my own. We are very close but just don't see the need for him to come, even the nurses say to the bloke when he stands up- "you don't need to come in, I'm only taking her blood!" It's in the same waiting room as gynae appointments and most people have a partner or family member with them too.
DP comes to all scans though.

It's not really 'odd' though is it? It's just some people's personal preference, it's not like going to the dentist to me because it's his baby as well. Some people get nervous about medical things like blood tests, so might want support for that, or some dads might just want to feel more involved in the pregnancy (when, let's face it, there isn't much they can do otherwise). As I said, my DH came to pretty much all my appointments but it was more convenient for us that way, he isn't 'on the dole', I didn't 'drag' him, nor are we 'joined at the hip'. Believe it or not he was actually interested to hear the heartbeat etc.

I can't be done with doing things together that are not necessary (or fun). Whether that's food shopping, dentists or antenatal appointments. The only time I don't mind is if it's just more convenient. A partner taking time off work seems like total madness to me.

Unless, of course, if there are concerns re the pregnancy/baby & you want the support or your partner wants to be there.

Sorry but you are being massively unreasonable. Many, many couples aren't in the position where both people can take time off for every single appointment.

We adopted but DP is in the forces and there was no way DP could get to every appointment they had. If your husband is working, good, you probably won't be able to afford the missed work when you're on maternity leave.

Wow just got back and checked the thread to see loads or responses !

Yes I agree with the controlling aspect now that's it been mentioned. Plus another thing I don't get is the whole family coming ?! So a pregnant woman, her partner and young children! Why didn't the partner just stay at home and look after the children and the woman go alone ?!

I didn't see any suit and tie partners to be very honest, but I did see a few tracksuit bottomed ones

Back home now after a very long booking in/bloods morning and glad that dh didn't come with me; it took ages and he would have been bored shitless as I was 15 minutes in