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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend I am living with has taken £20 from me

25 replies

Isyss · 06/01/2017 18:13

I am living with her for a few months, I have my own flat but I cannot go there and I do not want to get into why nor is it necessary. Moving out and renting will cost me to much.
She is just doing me a favor.
I pay all her bills (minus sky) and buy all the food.

I had lent her £400 which she gave to me a few days ago. I left this on the side in the living room as I was rushing around and didnt think anything of it.
It is only me and her here..

We planned yesterday to go to my aunty house for dinner, I got caught up at my flat sorting out something and it was 5pm, driving to her to pick her up (4 miles-25minutes but HIGH traffic area in London) would of been to long so I said if she can get a cab to my flat and we go from here. She agreed.

When leaving my aunty she did mention she only had £10 in her account due to not being paid.
I again left for the night and returned an hour ago. When I counted the money I had left there was £380 left.
I know she took it but she hasnt mentioned it. I am annoyed because I do not know why she believes I should of paid for her cab, I did not have to drive her in the first place
she actually said she was going to make her way down there after work but decided not to and I said I might not be able to come get her.

What do I say to her? aibu?

OP posts:

DearMrDilkington · 06/01/2017 18:15

You know yanbu.

Just ask her if she took £20 and tell her to ask in future as you'll be happy/not happy to lend her money if she needs it.

memyselfandaye · 06/01/2017 18:17

If you are paying all the bills and buying all the food I would move into a Premier Inn or a B&B.

HecateAntaia · 06/01/2017 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Isyss · 06/01/2017 19:00

Its a long term thing until like spring would cost me to much in a hotel plus I have a cat

OP posts:

Original poster

Isyss · 06/01/2017 19:00

but thank you I am going to mention it just bluntly

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 06/01/2017 19:05

Just mention it!

allchattedout · 06/01/2017 19:09

but thank you I am going to mention it just bluntly

Um, for the sake of you and your cat, I would mention it tactfully rather than bluntly. Just ask her nicely whether she borrowed £20 from the money on the side. Also, don't leave so much cash lying around, even if you are rushing around.

Finally, my bills come to around £140 per month. If I was renting out my spare room, I would be able to charge around £400 plus half the bills. Therefore, even though you are paying bills and food, you are quite lucky to be able to live there long-term. I wouldn't mess it up if I were you.

SparklyLeprechaun · 06/01/2017 19:17

Well, you've only returned an hour ago, give her a chance to tell you maybe? Have you even seen her tonight? For all you know, she could have picked up a note to get milk and she's going to replace it once she got to a cashpoint. Just ask her nicely. If she denies it, then you've got a problem!

Daisyfrumps · 06/01/2017 19:45

Could it be a mis-count? By either party?

memyselfandaye · 06/01/2017 19:51

Fuck tact, if your friend has stolen money from you then I would'nt be pussy footing around her.

If it was in your purse in your handbag then I think the responses would be different, but there is no difference imo.

It was'nt borrowed, it was stolen, and I don't think you're "lucky" to live there, your friend has fallen on her feet, she has someone to pay all her bills, buy her food, lend her hundreds of pounds at the drop of a hat and a cashpoint to help herself to.

NeeNahh · 06/01/2017 20:02

I'd be quite annoyed if someone was living rent free in my home and they begrudged me 20 quid if I was in a bind.

As others have said it could be a miscount or she might be intending to return it when she comes back.

allchattedout · 06/01/2017 20:10

Fuck tact, if your friend has stolen money from you then I would'nt be pussy footing around her. If it was in your purse in your handbag then I think the responses would be different, but there is no difference imo. It was'nt borrowed, it was stolen, and I don't think you're "lucky" to live there, your friend has fallen on her feet, she has someone to pay all her bills, buy her food, lend her hundreds of pounds at the drop of a hat and a cashpoint to help herself to

Don't overreact. The money was lying on the side- nobody has gone into anyone's purse. The friend only had £10 left in her account and was told at the last minute to get a cab to the OP's aunt's house. They haven't spoken about it yet.

FWIW, the friend could turn around and tell the OP and her cat to fuck off and find someone else to freeload from for the next three months or so. Someone paying my bills would not make me think I had 'landed on my feet' at all. It's in the OP's interests to be tactful rather than going in there all guns blazing.

I would also be a bit pissed off if someone originally said they would give me a lift and I arranged myself according to that and they then told me to get a cab but that's a separate matter.

Trifleorbust · 06/01/2017 20:11

Obviously she shouldn't be taking cash from a pile without asking, but you need to approach this with a degree of tact/pragmatism or you and your cat will probably be shifting for yourselves on the streets of London - she is doing you a massive favour here and you could be poisoning your own well by raising the matter of £20.

Eevee77 · 06/01/2017 20:12

Did you count it when you received it? Perhaps just say you've counted the money and there's only £380 so she must have miscounted and can she get the extra £20 to you asap

Original poster

Isyss · 06/01/2017 20:38

i did count it there was defo the right amount there. I'm not gonna be rude about it but it is annoying, I had a whole car journey with her back for her to say she borrowed it. Also when I have asked her for cash previously when I know she had it in the house, she told me no but I asked rather than look in her normal place where she keeps it and pay it later. Think its a bit rude to just take it.

OP posts:

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 06/01/2017 20:40

Are you sure it couldn't have fallen down the back of somewhere?

allchattedout · 06/01/2017 20:43

Well just say to her 'oh, I counted the money and there's only £380 here. Have you got the other £20?'. Also- you had time to count it but no time to put it in your purse?

Hellmouth · 06/01/2017 20:50

I would let it go tbh. I think you've got a really good deal, you're lucky she hasn't asked you to pay rent for your room.

Isetan · 07/01/2017 02:43

Given your circumstances and if the worse were to happen and she kicked you out, finding a new place for you and your cat would be an expensive ball ache. For me personally, pragmatism would win and I'd write the 20 quid off but a) never leave money lying around (including my purse) and b) not forget her dishonesty.

Money and friendships don't mix and this is why.

BillSykesDog · 07/01/2017 03:03

Sooo, you have got a very good deal living with a friend under market rate as a favour. Said friend is struggling and has needed to borrow money from you and told you she only had £10 in her account.

A) Have you perhaps thought if your friend is struggling so much it might be a nice gesture to pay closer to the market rate at least? You being there is stopping her renting it out so worsening the situation

B) If you had let your friend down for a lift and she told you she only had £10 and you'd left £400 lying around why didn't you OFFER to let her at least borrow the £20?

She might be handling it badly, but this might be a hint she's not very happy...

EachandEveryone · 07/01/2017 03:18

Exactly the £400 quid shouldn't have been lying around and she told you she had no money. I'd let it go. You are very lucky to be living in London so cheaply

Trifleorbust · 07/01/2017 08:15

It's a bit that the reason she only had £10 in her account is that she was paying you back several hundred pounds... when she could be charging you that in rent but isn't. I wonder if she took it because she is skint and a bit fed up of you scamping off her.

ChuckSnowballs · 07/01/2017 08:25

Instead of doing what you are doing, why not pay half the rent, half the bills and half the food whilst you are there?

icelollycraving · 07/01/2017 08:25

If she is that skint, maybe you should start paying rent? She is going you a huge favour. I wouldn't quibble over £20. You told her to get a cab, she told you she was skint. Did you wonder where the money was going to come from?

MiddleClassProblem · 07/01/2017 08:36

I would at least give her a chance to come back and say "I'm sorry, I had to borrow £20 to get to xyz"

It's £20 not a huge amount of the cash. You have a good deal going on. Particularly for London!

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