Can I Just Fucking Vent

[EtTuTuttiFrutti]

i've got cancer.
Breast Cancer.

It's shit.

But can I just fucking vent... about the people that regale me about ...

Their relatives that died ... and the absolute agony that they went through getting to their death

The people that have survived and how fucking Brilliant they were.

The fucking people that hug me and don't respect my space... just because I've got cancer. Fuck off .

A work colleague really pisses me off on a regular basis by always bringing up how SHE always eats healthy and looks after herself because SHE DOESNT WANT TO GET CANCER.

twat.

a twat who does not understand statistics. healthy eating reduces the risk but is not an individual guarantee.

People can be so rude and insensitive can't they?!
Have a good rant.
Wishing you every luck x

So sorry to hear this, OP

How awful for you to cope with this diagnosis and in addition to find that everyone around you have turned into insensitive loons

Just read your post whilst waiting for my annual review with my breast surgeon so thought it would be apt if I posted.
I know exactly how you feel; everyones dogs aunty next door neighbour has a story either how eating only raspberries cured them or how they died a horrible death - because that's reassuring. Then you have the people that assume that you want to be best friends with their random acquaintance who also has cancer etc. The people that post on fb about fighting/battling cancer as if you only.put a bit more effort in the whole thing would just bugger off!
During my active treatment (I had a stage three tripe neg medullary invasive breast cancer - treated with chemo, radiotherapy and surgery) all I wanted people to say was here's some wine and do you fancy going to the pub! You don't need all the stories and anecdotes; you need good friends and family who'll laugh about it with you and commiserate if needed.
And venting is very cathartic
But cancer is a pile of poo, and, you should tell anyone who doesn't support you dealing with it in the way you want to (I just found the darkest humour in all of it - and the unusual perks such as it surprise how quickly you get serred at a packed bar when you flash your chemo slap head!) to sod off. Good luck with your treatment

She doesn't want to get cancer

Speaking as someone who could be mistaken as a holier than thou gym goer that's a load of shit. No one wants to get cancer.

However, getting cancer is a bit like cycling on a dark road. You could be fully clothed in hi vis and lit up like a Christmas tree but still get knocked over. Coversely, someone in the dullest, fluffiest onesie could wander at random in the middle of the road and not get knocked down.

Some people have no idea about statistics.

People just don't think.

My daughter died in tragic circumstances and amongst other mind-blowingly crass comments I had a friend tell me she knew how I felt because one of her favourite dogs died. I just had to walk away.

People just don't think.
They do think, they just try to empathise and come out with the wrong thing. It's a minefield. If you say "that's shit" to someone who's just told you they've got cancer then maybe 9 times out of 10 that will be the right thing to say. But there will always be one for who it's totally the wrong thing. And even after you've said that, then what do you say? If you change the subject to normal stuff because you think they want to focus on a measure of normality you risk being accused of being insensitive and ignoring what they're going through. There is no universal right way of handling it.

Yes of course Mumsnet is a great place to vent!

Yes you can vent...anytime!

When people do not know what to say...the strangest shit comes out of their mouths sometimes!

When my DF passed away from cancer I was told (by more than one person) about their family member who survived cancer because they had such a strong will to live. FFS like my DF didn't

Vent away because it's absolutely shit and no sugar coating will disguise that.

Have a virtual scream whenever you need it.

Coincidentally I have been diagnosed over Christmas/New Year. I am 44 [may be genetic - just had my bloods taken for BRCA1/2 gene) and it is utter shit/bollocks/[insert a similar word]. I have only told my immediate family & boss (still need to face him next week).

I fucking hate it!

Fuck!

to OP and everyone else.

and to you, balkanscot, and buggering fuck off to cancer.

Tutti

Cancer is a cunt.

My lovely beautiful gorgeous funny wouldn't hurt a fly sister has cancer. She was diagnosed in September and is having treatment now.

She says the worst thing about cancer is not the fact that it's fucking cunting cancer, it's everyones reactions to it. We have had some pretty frank discussions about it all late at night on the phone.

I have been as strong as I can for her. I have listened to her cry rant and rage. I have done my absolute best to say the right thing or say nothing. I know platitudes are shite and contrite but people do try their best.

I have sat and thought about what I would want to hear. I have thought about what she needs to hear. About what she wants to hear. About what she wants me to say.

I don't think that people mean to be trite. I have tried my best not to say the wrong thing but it has been so hard to judge. After this I think I will do better in the future. But unless someone really close to you or you yourself has had or got cancer it's not something most people dwell on.

I have known people who died from cancer. My stepfather and my mil but though they were both people I loved they weren't my sister.

I am sorry for your diagnosis. Cancer really is a cunt. I very much hope your treatment goes well.

Cancer is an absolute cunt.

My mum had breast cancer when I was 15. After she'd had a mastectomy and all her treatment I was out somewhere with her and someone she vaguely knew said, in front of me, "Oh! Sorry to look surprised but I heard about your illness and I assumed you weren't still with us."

WTF?!

I also remember the people who kept asking if she'd tried "natural remedies", like you can just shrink a tumour with some dandelion tea and a mustard compress.

It is ok to slap their fingers and shout "NO TOUCHY!"

Vent away.

It's ok to be angry, to ask "why me?", to be detached and unemotional (because the minute you let the emotion in you know you'll fall apart), in fact anything is ok right now because it's all about you.

I hope you don't also have the people who you think are your friend but who you never hear from once you tell them you have cancer. (Or they send you a postcard saying they won't talk to you while you're ill )

Very best wishes, its gruelling and hard work

Fucking bastarding wanking shitfuck cuntbucket twatting ballsing bollocksing prick of a disease.

You vent away.

sorry I don't have more to add other than

and good wishes.