Can I Just Fucking Vent

[EtTuTuttiFrutti]

i've got cancer.
Breast Cancer.

It's shit.

But can I just fucking vent... about the people that regale me about ...

Their relatives that died ... and the absolute agony that they went through getting to their death

The people that have survived and how fucking Brilliant they were.

The fucking people that hug me and don't respect my space... just because I've got cancer. Fuck off .

That is shit, vent away

When I was very young a boy at school's mum had had breast cancer many years previously, and had had a mastectomy.
She had a silicone insert for her bra - long before we were all on the chicken fillets
Took it into chemist one day because it had a small leak.
He touched it and she properly told him off for feeling up her tits without so much as buying her a rum and coke

I'm sorry for the shit you're going through - both the cancer itself and other people's reactions.

Very very sorry OP. How long have you had your diagnosis and do you have a treatment plan etc? Vent away often people are stuck what to say or do but that's not your problem and hearing about auntie Mary or cousin Billy, friend from primary school doesn't really help you in anyway right now. You need all your energy and strength to deal with this and you and your family day to day and thinking about the future etc etc. I can totally sympathise as I have blood cancer. I am in remission at the moment but permantllt on watch and wait. A work colleague really pisses me off on a regular basis by always bringing up how SHE always eats healthy and looks after herself because SHE DOESNT WANT TO GET CANCER. This really pisses me off as know I am bigger than I should be, but this has got nothing at all to do with why I got cancer. I am ok about it on a daily basis and count myself lucky. But I feel like she is almost jealous of this in a weird way so she even turns this into being all about her as she is better than me as my cancer is self inflicted etc etc.

That's fucking shit. What a shitty start to the new year- I am so sorry.

Are you under 50? If so, there is apparently a 'secret' facebook group called young women's breast cancer network or something. Have read an interview with one of their ladies who was diagnosed at 32. They sound like an absolutely awesome bunch. There may be something similar for 50+ too. I think having someone who gets it and has been through it would be good.

www.pprune.org/jet-blast/291990-b-gger-i-ve-got-cancer.html

Reading the above may help, it has many stories - some good, some sad. The guy who started it in 2007 when he was diagnosed by his girlfriends father (who luckily was a doctor and liked him) s still going strong.

That is shit and so bloody unfair.
You vent all you like - we're not easily offended round here x

Daytodayglobalshit
That's a good question, about what to say.
My advice is to keep in touch, and actually follow through with coffee, help and lifts.
Talk about normal stuff and don't assume just because someone 'looks well' they actually feel well.
I am very good at make up, but feel more tired than ever before.
I've just finished treatment so all, the 'sexy stuff' has finished but I actually feel worse now than during, and will be on pretty strong medication for the next 10 years,.
That's daunting.

How wanky life can be.

Ack, love. That sucks.

What can we do?

For those who ask what to say or do everyone please remember everyone is different in how they deal with their feelings cope and this can change on different days and at different times etc etc. We all have off days just remember the person is still the same person they were before the diagnosis perhaps more emotional, perhaps more short tempered, quiet etc. Give them space, listen if they want to talk. I desperately didn't want pity. I had DH I could vent to and a couple of very close friends and needed and enjoyed lots of quiet time to think and cry on my own. But I just wanted others to treat me normally most of the time. To be honest I often wanted a break from thinking or talking about it. But obviously didn't want it to be like the elephant in the room. But OP and others might be feeling quite differently pick up on their lead.

Vent away. May I offer you one of these cards, if you like them? I have never been in your position so can't really judge, but they seem like a cut above the usual shitty Hallmark offerings:

emilymcdowell.com/blogs/all/105537926-empathy-cards-for-serious-illness

Totally sucks.

So sorry to read this.

Vent away.

OP
It's inevitable but in my experience you'll spend a lot of time reassuring everyone that you are fine.
It's tiresome.

I'm 54.
I have a family history of Breast Cancer. 5 paternal Aunts with Breast cancer.

I consulted my GP in 2009. I had Genetic Counselling. I didn;t have BRAC 1/2.

I'm the only one in my very extended family that wasn't on an annual mammogram.
My cancer was picked up on the 53 year mammogram.

I'm the

I

changing thank you that is very helpful

A work colleague with breast cancer did once confide in me that she wished people didn't feel the need to put their head on one side and say "how are you" in a speshal voice.

Oh shit. That seems really unfair.

When my sister had cancer she wanted people to just chat to her about the weather, their kids, what they did yesterday but everyone is different.

My sister's most annoying comment was to be told to stay positive. There's nothing positive about being told you have cancer and it's the height of arrogance for someone to tell you how to feel.

It's shit OP, I'm so sorry that you are facing this shit.

Yes, I found head tilts really fucking annoying. I remember DH's lovely aunt saying "this is really shit" and it was so refreshing.
Tutti, I've met you before on the cancer threads and it seems like you're having a really tough time of it. Do you have a Maggie's Centre or anything nearby? Mine had a creative writing group which I thought might have helped.
I also wrote a blog which was good because people could keep up to date without having to ask me all the time!

💐 continue venting to your hearts content.
Creme my Dh is eleven years clear of bladder cancer & all these years later I can still recall the sheer stupidity of some😠

Cancer is shit. You probably feel like shit fairly often. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

Vent, scream, cry, watch the real mafia housewives. Be kind to yourself (I know that's a bit trite, sorry). You're still you - you are not cancer.

I think they have only found the tip of the iceberg when it comes to genes which is a shame. There must be loads of other gene mutations besides BRCA.

Hopefully you have supportive friends and family. I think someone else mentioned it, but often people want to be able to do something practical and helpful for the person who is ill. So don't hesitate to accept offers of food and things- you can always freeze for when you are feeling shitty and can't cook.

Have you got a netflix subscription? Sounds trivial, but seeing as you have this shitty awful disease, you might as well indulge in some binge watching. I am sure people on here can give you some good recommendations.

Has someone already linked to the support-thread on here? Tamoxifen I think it's called. Should come up if you search.

Ooh that is shit.

A work colleague really pisses me off on a regular basis by always bringing up how SHE always eats healthy and looks after herself because SHE DOESNT WANT TO GET CANCER.

I'd like to come over there and kick her. Dickhead.

Fucking cancer should just fuck off.