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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think he will eventually leave

22 replies

balls2DWall · 05/01/2017 10:25

AIBU to think my ds age 7 will eventually leave my bed and sleep on his own when he is ready? i have a big bed. dp has his own room (sleep apnoea machine/severe snoring) so ds has always slept with me. i like the company and doesnt disturb my sleep to a degree. he has his own room (used at sleep overs etc) but i dont force him in it. i know he needs to sleep on his own but wondering will he eventually just want to do it or do i need to push him out now.

OP posts:
Dudette29 · 05/01/2017 10:35

Watching with interest. Not much advice, sorry, but I do have a 2yr old who has co slept with me for the last 18 months. Have tried to get her to sleep in her own room but it's just not happening! My hairdressers daughter was still sleeping with her at 7. From what she said it took a good few weeks of bribing / being up all night before she slept in her room. I think if it works got you both, and you're happy then why change? Might not hurt though to have a conversation about growing up and needing our own space etc to see if that encourages him to go in his own room?

DaftJelly · 05/01/2017 10:39

Our ds2 is five and sleeps in either our bed or his 12yo sister's. very very rarely he will sleep in husband own bed. He says he just doesn't like to be on his own.

It's not a problem for us so we're letting it run it's natural course.

WhiskyAndTwiglets · 05/01/2017 10:39

How about he starts off in his own bed and then if he migrates to you in the night, then it's cool?
That's what my 8 year old does and I am just allowing it as and when she joins me with the expectation that eventually it'll cease.
I guess she comes in 2/3 nights a week right now. And that's fine.

Original poster
balls2DWall · 05/01/2017 10:41

thanks for your replies. thats it though ... is there a natural course to run? or do i need to force it so to speak

OP posts:
Original poster
balls2DWall · 05/01/2017 10:42

whiskyandtoglets we have done that he just ends up in mine by the time im in bed myself or id find him there when i myself go to bed

OP posts:
onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 05/01/2017 10:51

He'll grow out of it - he will naturally and gradually want his own space at night. You could force it - I did - but that was 10 years ago and I know thoughts on cosleeping have changed in that period.

notarehearsal · 05/01/2017 10:59

Mine took 'turns' to sleep in my bed from birth to around 10 for DS and 13 DD. Completely well balanced, happy, popular children who had hundreds of sleepovers and who obviously slept with their friends during those times. There was no issue, they would have happily slept on their own and did so if I felt unwell etc. We just never made it into an issue, I guess it was easier as I did not have a partner

FrogsSpawnofSanta · 05/01/2017 11:00

My 7 year old ds is the same. I have tried enforcing it but he just gets upset. I am glad to hear he isn't the only one like this. I probably need to relax about it more, I have been having visions of him never being able to sleep alone. If he starts out in his own bed and comes through during the night then it will do for now.

Original poster
balls2DWall · 05/01/2017 11:12

feel better listening to others. thank you! he surely will want his own space soon. i hope lol

OP posts:
TheCakes · 05/01/2017 11:16

Co-sleeping with older kids is way more common than you realise. It's just that people don't talk about it.
My DS was in my bed till he was four. He moved to his own bed when he came out of night nappies, but even now, if he's poorly I'll let him sleep in with me.
I have friends with children 8/9 who still make a regular bid for mum's bed.
He'll want his own space soon enough.

trinity0097 · 05/01/2017 11:17

Install your husband back in bed, the noise from a cpap machine is minimal if he has a decent one, and he shouldn't really be snoring if he is using the machine.

I sleep perfectly well with hubby next to me on his.

Then if hubby is back in bed then no space for your son and problem solved!

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 05/01/2017 11:22

My son was like this - I thought he would grow out of it but he hadn't by the time he was about to turn 13 so I forced the issue.

Original poster
balls2DWall · 05/01/2017 11:23

no he doesnt snore with the machine but im a light sleeper so even the breathing on the machine keeps me awake.

OP posts:
Zarachristmas · 05/01/2017 11:27

I'm sure he will grow out of it.

I'd make sure he at least starts off in his own bed.

PlumsGalore · 05/01/2017 11:40

of course he will grow out of it, but I don't recall mine growing out of it until about 11 Grin

chipsandgin · 05/01/2017 11:43

My now 13 year old was in with me a long time but at around age 6 we 're-decorated' his room (he chose a new paint colour and poster), bought him a really cool light that throws light stars onto the ceiling and did a sticker chart - so one for every complete night in his bed with a reward for 7 nights, not consecutive, also if he was scared or felt ill etc I wasn't cross, just 'oh dear that's a shame, no sticker, hopefully tomorrow'. He was in his own bed every night within a couple of weeks.

My now 7 year old is still in with me most of the time and my 13 year old said recently 'I can't believe he's not in his room all the time'! Which just goes to show, not only do they grow out of it but they don't remember it either! Nothing to worry about and not uncommon (and I always cling on to the fact that it is totally the norm in Japan - so there is a country out there for whom anything else would be odd!)

TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 05/01/2017 11:46

One friends 7 year old sleeps with him every night, my friend works long hours so they enjoy this bit of closeness (7 yo has his own room etc, just his choice).

Another friends 11 year old was still sleeping with her Mum every night, now not so much. Her mum thinks she is 'growing out of it' I happen to know she's playing on her phone at night which she can't do in her mums room 😬 (She's perfectly safe playing on it, it's only her sleep being disturbed!).

Both kids are happy to sleep on their own if they need to and go on sleep overs, camps etc happily.

It's only a problem if it bothers you.

TheLivingAsheth · 05/01/2017 11:47

My DS would come into our bed every night (shared with DH), and it really affected my sleep as he is a sideways sleeper and wriggly and sniffy. When he was five we did a sticker chart with incremental rewards after five days not coming in, ten, 20, 50 etc (gaps getting bigger). I don't know that he would have done it alone. He never comes in now. If it is not bothering you you could leave it, but I do know someone whose teenager still comes in more often than not.

Cat2014 · 05/01/2017 11:49

My ds still sleeps with me, he's 8. I'm relaxed about it and confident he will want his own space soon enough.

dollydaydream114 · 05/01/2017 11:49

Have you talked to him about it? Does he sleep in your bed because he's scared or worried about sleeping on his own, or does he just sleep in your bed out of habit because he thinks it's just what everyone does? Or does even he do it because he thinks you like it?

I think my only concern would just be if for any reason you had to spend a few nights away from him - eg a hospital stay or something like that - it could potentially be more worrying and disruptive for him than for a child who was already used to sleeping alone.

I'm sure you're right that he'll want his own space soon anyway. For now, perhaps just to make sure that his co-sleeping is just a preference rather than a need? Basically I think he needs to able to sleep in his own bed without any problems if necessary, in case occasions arise when he has to. Fine if he prefers to sleep in your bed, but not so fine if that is the only way he can sleep without distress. As others have said, perhaps just start by saying he has to start off in his own bed but if he wakes up in the night he can come into yours if he wants to.

AmserGwin · 05/01/2017 13:06

My 6 year old still sleeps in my bed most nights. I carry him to his own bed when I get in, and then he is usually back in there by the morning. Sometimes I don't bother moving him, I'm sure he will grow out of it. It doesn't worry me and he sleeps in his own bed at his dads

thismumismad · 05/01/2017 13:14

wrt the resmed machine if that is what your dp is using, my dp uses a resmed and I'm a light sleeper unless very very tired, I found that after a few days, I was sleeping through the noise quite happily and now find that if he does not stay then I don't sleep as well as I used to. My dp has bought a felt sleeve to go on the hose. This has reduced the noise and it took a few nights for me to settle again, to get used to the new noise. This hose cover also prevents you getting the horrible cold air blast from the mask. I hope this helps

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