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Original poster

Wedding question - is it bad form to ask what colour the bridesmaids are wearing??

55 replies

JoyfulAndTriumphant · 04/01/2017 21:45

Going to a wedding next month and looking at dresses online.

Quite skint and also pregnant, I have a beautiful (expensive) flattering maxi dress in my wardrobe that I've only worn once before and I would love to wear it again.

However, I always think a maxi dress is a bit of a gamble if you don't know what colour the bridesmaids are wearing. Don't want to look like a wannabe bridesmaid and all...

Is it bad form to text the bride and ask the question?? I don't know her all that well, but she's very easy going and lovely. Just genuinely don't know if it's bad etiquette.

OP posts:
BeanAnTi · 04/01/2017 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Justmuddlingalong · 04/01/2017 21:47

The colour of the invitation often corresponds with the bridesmaid dress colour.

Original poster
JoyfulAndTriumphant · 04/01/2017 21:48

Very plain invitation, I wouldn't like to rely on it as gospel.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 04/01/2017 21:49

I would go with the dress you have. A beautiful, flattering dress sounds perfect.

NicknameUsed · 04/01/2017 21:50

"The colour of the invitation often corresponds with the bridesmaid dress colour."

That's a new one to me. I have never heard of that before.

SuperSange · 04/01/2017 21:50

I've done just that before, and the bride really appreciated the thought/gesture.

milpool · 04/01/2017 21:50

Just does it?! Never heard that before Confused

I think it's sensible to ask. Nobody would be offended I'm sure!

Alwaysrushingaround · 04/01/2017 21:50

I've done this before and the bride wasn't offended! Definitely ask - it will be one less thing to worry about!

Pineapplemilkshake · 04/01/2017 21:50

I maybe wouldn't ask directly but would say something like "I was thinking of wearing my (teal) dress, just checking with you in case I clash with the bridesmaids?"

But I'm sure most brides wouldn't mind being asked either, in getting married soon and wouldn't be offended if anyone asked!

ClaraLane · 04/01/2017 21:51

I would send her a message and ask what colour they're wearing because you don't want to clash. I'm sure she won't mind telling you.

YelloDraw · 04/01/2017 21:52

"The colour of the invitation often corresponds with the bridesmaid dress colour

Only if you are an American Pinterest queen or you tube vlogger

Not in the real world

kel12345 · 04/01/2017 21:52

I wouldn't have been offended if someone asked me that question when I was getting married.
Agree with the poster who suggested asking more indirectly though.

kel12345 · 04/01/2017 21:53

Also I've never heard of that about the invitations. Ours matched the colour theme of the whole day- red and white.

Justmuddlingalong · 04/01/2017 21:53

Yes. Most of the invitations I've ever had, have had a nod to the wedding colours. Ribbon, envelope or enclosed RSVP card usually coordinates with the bridesmaid's dresses, groom's tie etc.

MrsK8541 · 04/01/2017 21:56

I think I'd find it quite thoughtful of one of my guests to ask! Though my bridesmaid colours were kept under wraps. YANBU to ask her. Enjoy the wedding!

GrannyGoggles · 04/01/2017 21:57

Overthinking. Wear your flattering dress. Don't bother the bride. Enjoy the wedding. No body other than you will care what you wear.

BoBo90 · 04/01/2017 21:58

I'd rather a guest asked me the colour scheme than turned up looking like a bridesmaid 🙂

Original poster
JoyfulAndTriumphant · 04/01/2017 22:00

Thanks everyone!! I'll message her I think. I don't think she'll mind. Keep everything crossed that it's not blue/green!

Granny I once wore a dress to a wedding that was the same colour (but nothing like the style) of the bridesmaids dresses. I wasn't bothered until some acquantance of DH came up and said "nice dress...were you upset not to be asked to be a bridesmaid or something??" Twat. His wife about died of embarrassment.

OP posts:
leccybill · 04/01/2017 22:00

I've asked before. Bride didn't mind at all.

Have had quite a few invitations from small, budget weddings upto extravaganzas where the invitation was in theme colours which matched the bridesmaid dresses.

DramaAlpaca · 04/01/2017 22:02

My delightful SIL wouldn't tell me what colour her bridesmaids were wearing.

Then she got upset when I, by a complete fluke, turned up in the same colour. Fortunately a completely different style.

I felt bad, but I'd had absolutely no idea because she refused to tell me & my DM wasn't told either. There was also no clue on the invitation.

WhatInTheWorldIsGoingOn · 04/01/2017 22:02

I thought it was normal for the invite to match the colour scheme? I can't think of a single wedding I've been to where it hasn't.

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 04/01/2017 22:04

I wouldn't have minded being asked, but I know some brides who were very secretive about colours etc, so would go with pineapples suggestion - ask if the colour of your dress is ok, rather than asking the colour of the bridesmaids, so I'd she wants a surprise it still will be

guiltynetter · 04/01/2017 22:04

i don't understand why you wouldn't tell anybody what colour your bridesmaids are wearing. keeping it under wraps? what for? am i missing something?

milpool · 04/01/2017 22:06

What tbh I can't say I'd have noticed if the invitation and colour scheme matched or not Grin

We didn't have a colour scheme to match to really... but then I also wouldn't have cared if someone turned up in a dress the same colour as my bridesmaids. Each to their own I guess.

BusterTheBulldog · 04/01/2017 22:06

Our invites bore no relation to the colour scheme. They were multi coloured so hopefully no one was worried by them! Grin

I have asked whichever half of the couple I know best in the past, or said 'I am thinking of wearing a navy, knee length shift dress, is it too similar to anyone'? And it's been fine.