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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the nurses shouldn't have spoken in a different language in front of me?

485 replies

ColouringTheBrain · 04/01/2017 18:56

If I start by saying I think our NHS staff do a great job Smile I'm not looking to be flamed, I genuinely want to know if I'm BU.

I had to go to the hospital today, the nurse that initially dealt with me was kind and gentle, also in the room was a colleague of hers ( another nurse). The nurse took my bloods, then went to get another machine, it was then that the two nurses started talking to each other in a different language ( I'm not trying to be vague, I just haven't got a clue what language it was). It made me feel really uncomfortable as it was directly in front of me, whether they were talking about me, or what's on TV, or other members of staff I feel is irrelevant, I felt like they shouldn't be doing it in front of a patient. Obviously I didn't say anything, I wasn't feeling the best anyway, but I also felt slightly intimidated I suppose.

AIBU, or should I just accept it as part of the care?

OP posts:
scottishdiem · 05/01/2017 22:44

zoemaguire Nope. Not uncomfortable. I have my phone and the internet and books. Happens to me a lot see. I dont speak one of the languages of my DPs country and many a night out and family celebration on DPs side I have been clueless as to what a lot of is said. I usually play with the kids (who generally dont speak that language if they have been born and raised in this country) or sit and read. I am sometimes asked a question and I give an answer and we talk around that for a while and then it moves on. Even when DP and I got married there was a part of the ceremony that made no sense to me or the bulk of the people there as it was done in that language and the majority of the guests didn't speak it but it was important to some.

I am used to this. My grandparents and other family members tended to speak Gaelic at home when we visited when I was young. They'd ask me questions in English and we'd converse but then things went back to gaelic.

However, the very premise of your question is odd. This was an off-the-cuff remark that was not designed to exclude. It was not the entire evening out or the entire stay in hospital. I am sure that the nurses spoke to her in English as well as the doctors overseeing her care. It was not hours spent staring into the middle distance whilst care happened to the OP.

CaraAspen · 05/01/2017 22:46

Is there really anything more to discuss? How often do some of you have to be told that those nurses were rude and unprofessional and probably in breach of the hospital code of conduct?

venusinscorpio · 05/01/2017 22:52

You have no idea what the remarks made over the head of the OP were, and whether they were deliberately designed to exclude. The point is, though, is that they did exclude her when she should have had her care centred.

And your comments about "alarming" xenophobia on this thread and brexit are totally ridiculous.

noeffingidea · 06/01/2017 01:06

scottishdiem it doesn't really matter what you think. The fact is, it fell below an acceptable level of care and professionalism. The OP didn't need to feel intimidated - but she quite possibly did feel excluded and ignored. Incidentally a lot of businesses (shops, eg) have the same policy - english only in front of customers. Why do you think that is?

StripeyMonkey1 · 06/01/2017 01:13

Maybe the nurses in question should have had the necessary conversation elsewhere? It's hard to judge.

The real issue is whether they were speaking about the OP in front of her or not. If they were, then this was rude (and perhaps your instinct that this was this case OP, was right). If they were having a social chat then that is entirely different.

venusinscorpio · 06/01/2017 09:15

They shouldn't have been having a social chit chat among themselves while they were tending to her as a patient. As pp have said, she isn't a piece of furniture.

OopsDearyMe · 06/01/2017 10:28

No way its incredibly rude to do this, drives me nuts almost as much as when non English speakers talk to their kids at school in their native language.

RebelRogue · 06/01/2017 15:38

Oops what's wrong with parents speaking to their children in whatever language?

BratFarrarsPony · 06/01/2017 15:41

" almost as much as when non English speakers talk to their kids at school in their native language."

what's wrong with that? Hmm completely different situation!
why should someone communicate in (maybe) poor english to their child if they have something to say? Just to keep you happy?
Weird.

mambono5 · 06/01/2017 17:21

as much as when non English speakers talk to their kids at school in their native language

Confused

Are you that nosey that you can't stand not being able to eavesdrop at school?

raindripsonruses · 06/01/2017 18:14

Totally different scenario-the playground at drop off and a hospital bed where you are vulnerable, surrounded by unknowns.

Atenco · 06/01/2017 18:26

as much as when non English speakers talk to their kids at school in their native language

Shocking behaviour, next thing you know they have bilingual children while your children will have to take classes and never hope to have their fluency.

Dontwantanicknamethanks · 06/01/2017 21:26

Yes I think you're being u. And maybe even a bit racist. If they were looking at you and then laughing then yes, it would be rude but if they did their jobs fine, then I see no problem. In an ideal world, it wouldn't happen, but then again, in an ideal world we would have a fully resourced NHS with highly paid staff. But we don't, sadly and never will. So a couple of nurses having a quick conversation conveniently in their own language is nothing, really.

Dontwantanicknamethanks · 06/01/2017 21:35

Um, and as for oopsdearyme being driven wild with rage when she hears patents speaking to their kids in their native language - you have GOT to be kidding, right? Your attitude is wrong on so many levels!!! Do you know how hard it is to learn another language? And you think to be given that gift by your parents is a bad thing? Or not accept that some kids are of a different culture? And this difference means speaking in a different language? Omg. Bet you voted leave....

mimishimmi · 06/01/2017 21:58

Depends. If they were laughing a lot and kept looking over at you, I would have felt very uncomfortable as well. If they just sounded like they were discussing something unrelated, I probably would not have minded.

venusinscorpio · 06/01/2017 22:42

For the millionth time, they shouldn't have been excluding the OP. She is entitled to expect to be treated with care and dignity. They can have their little chat elsewhere. It's not "racist" to object to this poor patient care. It's great that you wouldn't have a problem with it, but it's not all about you, is it? Try some empathy?

CaraAspen · 06/01/2017 23:54

Well said, Venus.

TheTrollinator · 07/01/2017 00:22

For the millionth time, they shouldn't have been excluding the OP

How ever many times you say it I still don't think she was being 'excluded' presumably they were just chatting to each other. It would be different if they were talking about the OP or if they weren't polite and friendly the rest of the time.

venusinscorpio · 07/01/2017 00:37

She was being excluded as they are supposed to concentrate on her care. That is what they are there for. She's not a pot plant or a piece of furniture, she's a human being. Many HCPs have said on the thread that this dismissive treatment is not acceptable.

TheTrollinator · 07/01/2017 00:45

She was being excluded as they are supposed to concentrate on her care. That is what they are there for. She's not a pot plant or a piece of furniture, she's a human being. Many HCPs have said on the thread that this dismissive treatment is not acceptable.

I know this is what you think but I disagree. I think they can be kind and considerate of her needs and have a wee chat in their own first language. It would be different if they were unfriendly or ignoring her. Would it really be different if they chatted to each other in English.

venusinscorpio · 07/01/2017 00:54

Or they could save their wee chat in whatever language for a more appropriate time rather than have it over the head of a nervous, vulnerable-feeling and worried patient?

Stopyourhavering · 07/01/2017 01:00

This happens a lot in hospital where I worked . Welsh spoken by many nurses and although lived here for many years I'm not a native speaker....as a patient would frequently have nurses conversing in Welsh...didn't have a clue if they were talking about me or what was in TV last night.....just had to accept it

BBCNewsRave · 07/01/2017 01:39

Stop Firstly, you were in Wales. So fine for them to be speaking Welsh, in general.

Secondly - nattering away over a patient, even if they can understand you, is rude and as many PPs have said considered unacceptable.

FriendofBill · 07/01/2017 07:45

It may be what you think troll (nice name Hmm) but HCP are trained not to do this.
They are trained to give person centred care.
They do this because it is evidenced that there will be improved outcomes for the patient, and the HCP.

I don't know why people are insisting that it's absolutely fine for HCP treating someone's body can speak over them, and possibly about them, in another language.

Why do you think the NHS buys interpreters?

TheTrollinator · 07/01/2017 09:08

Mmm not sure why my name deserves a Hmm but whatever..

I think it's a matter of degree and I can see that if they had come to help the OP and had completely ignored her and spoken over her the whole time that that would be rude but I still don't think a wee chat in their own language is a problem. Would posters also object if they had had a chat about something which the OP couldn't have been included such as them chatting about some friends of theirs iyswim Would posters consider that would have amounted to the OP being excluded from the conversation too.