Being left out or am I being paronid

[Raggydolly3]

First time posting on mumsnet. Just need some advice on something weird that has happened.
I met a girl through a toddler group and got friendly with her, had play dates and went out for the odd meal together.
This girl did not have many friends and seemed a bit isolated so I introduced her to one of my best friends, who also had a child the same age. We all met up a few times and it seemed to go ok.
Recently I have noticed that neither of them is contracting me as much, and the girl who was one of my best friends has been really short with me as if I have done something wrong. I have confronted her but she said I was imagining it.
Today it was all over Facebook that the two of them had met up with the kids but I was not invited. On the comments below they were thanking each other for a good day and it turns out they have planned a spa day together.
I asked why I had not been included in Spa day and got back a message saying we thought your were working (it's a Saturday and I hardly ever work on a Saturday)
There have also been some posts of Facebook from them both with quotes about true friendship and getting rid of "toxic friends".
I have asked them both if there is a problem and they have denied it. I have a horrible feeling the new "friend" has been slagging me off to my old "friend" and my old "friend" has believed whatever she has said.
The only other thing I can think off is about a month ago I was meant to be meeting them, had a huge seizure and could not go (I am epileptic). My old "friend" was fine as she knows about my seizures but the new "friend" sent me a text saying I should not let the seizures rule my life and I should come out anyway, and I am disappointing her son.
If I am being slagged off i can't believe my friend of over 20 years would believe this other girl over me. Not sure what to do from here

[Empress13]

It's so easy for people to say ditch the old friend blah blah but OP is feeling genuinely hurt and is losing one of her closest friends due to some bitch interfering. It's not that easy just to not see her best friend again FGS.

OP let your DH have a word see what is said although to be honest I don't think he will speak ill of his wife and most men are clueless to what is going on anyway. I know for a fact my OH would say oh grow up the lot of you it's like children in a playground. I would try to have another quiet word on your own with her - invite her round for a coffee or better still meet her on neutral ground in a cafe etc and see what she says. If she is still in denial saying there is nothing wrong etc then I'm afraid there's nothing more you can do but at least you have given her the benefit of the doubt. In which case you will have to move on and find another friend who won't treat you like this.

[lottieandmia]

Of course OP is hurt. I would be too. But deleting these people from Facebook allows her to stop them from rubbing her nose in the abuse they are dishing out. The original friend can't be much of a friend at all if she lets the OP be treated this way by someone she barely knows in comparison.

[DontTouchTheMoustache]

Me and a friend were wendy'd at work a few years ago. Group of 3 of us befriended a 4th person. We all got on great then suddenly they started doing exactly this kind of thing and it was horrible, we were really upset. Some more.people joined our friendship group and they just distanced themselves even more. Eventually the wendy started behaving like a total psycho to our friend and she realised what she was really like but our friendship has never really gone back to how it was. I think the wendy types tend to only be able to cope with really intense one on one friendships which is why they do it.

[ChasedByBees]

I thought Wendy was used as an OP once described a similar situation and said, 'let's call her Wendy...' and the situation struck a chord with many people.

Here's another thread to show you you're not alone OP.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2119207-to-ask-you-to-share-your-experiences-of-a-Wendy

I think your old friend has been incredibly disloyal and it would be worth trying to have a chat and telling her other people have noticed the atmosphere. If that doesn't work, let her go.

[CaraAspen]

Move on from this situation. Your old friend is not a true friend or she would not have been pulled in by this other woman. They are behaving like primary kids. Let them. You're an adult. Actually, some distance among the line your old friend might just discover the truth about friends and friendship. Then karma might hit her.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

No you're not being paranoid. Youve been frozen out. Of course you weren't invited out with them. It was the perfect opportunity for them to have a good bitch about you. Delete, fuck them off and move on. I had "friends" like yours. Never inviting me out. talking about it in front of me saying. What a great time they'd had, and that They couldn't get hold of me. Strange I was miraculously contactable when they wanted something. .
As for that bitch. Dont let seizures rule your life. You disappointed my son. Well I'm sorry for her, but Her son is not the uppermost person on your mind.

[lottieandmia]

I'm glad I have Aspergers and don't have many friends. I avoid socialising most of the time and when I read threads like this I think I'm probably fortunate!

[LeninaCrowne]

you have various options:

1 - quietly stop contacting old and new "friend" and find a new toddler group
2 - meet up with old friend in a few weeks and calmly ask her if there is a problem
3 - post passive aggressive comments on Facebook on the true toxic friendship posts, then block both of them

[Raggydolly3]

My DH has been In touch with her DH. He does know if new friend has been slagging me off for sure but he suspects she has he has noticed old friend has been leaving me out.
Old friend has had issues at work for ages, she hates her job and apparently new friend has been saying I don't deserve my good job as I have seizures and she does not know how I manage to hold a job like that down. (It's not that well payed a job but I love what I do and realise how lucky I am to have found this seizures or no seizures)
Old friends DH has told his wife she is being manipulated but has been told to butt out.
I am just going is disengage. I have lots of other friends but this was my oldest friend so am gutted that she would be taken in like this.
Luckly my son will not be attending the same school as their boys so I won't have to worry about that.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Disgusting. How dare she. My dd has reflex Anoxic Seizures. They're not related to epilepsy. It's where there is a lack of blood to the brain and the heart slows or stops and then automatically restarts - so she turns white/blue lipped. She's poorly the following day and if she has a full blow one, sleeps for a few hours afterwards. To think anyone could be so unkind is awful. You are just as entitled to your job as the next person and I expect you work bloody hard too!

I'm glad you've got other friends. As I said upthread, when it happened to me, I was only left with one. I've only lived in my area for 9 years so no really long standing friends here.

[Raggydolly3]

It's the first job that I have not felt discriminated against because of the seizures. They have been fab and made reasonable adjustments.
I couldn't work for a time as I could not hold down a job as I was having 10 seizures a day but I did some qualifications and some voluntary work to make dam sure I would be able to get a job if the time came that I could work.
I think old friend thinks I just sat on my arse for three years and did nothing then walked in my job. I actually work with disabiled people in an advice service advising on disability benefits, helping disabled people into employment and working with victims of disability hate crime.
I think my personal experience of disability helped me get the job plus the extra qualifications and experience but i don't think friends gets that.

[ClarissaDarling]

Just withdraw- sounds like Wendy will thrive on any drama if you challenge or try to bring it up with either/both. Well done on new job.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

You sound lovely . I have chronic fatigue syndrome (ME). Only one friend really really gets it. She's the one, who looked after dd and me when I was really bad so she understands. I have had a friend making comments like I don't work so I have time to do x y or z. I do have a job. My health is my job. I have a child and a husband.

[Andylion]

new friend has been saying I don't deserve my good job as I have seizures

What a nasty person.

[Raggydolly3]

Thanks. The place I work for really supported me when I could not work so I was so made up when I got the job, it feels I am giving something back

[TheBadgersMadeMeDoIt]

This whole situation almost certainly stems from jealousy. Old friend was probably harbouring some envy about your very respectable and rewarding job. New friend picked up on that and started feeding it, to drive a wedge between you.

They deserve each other. Let them wallow together in resentment until they rot. You are better than both of them. I don't blame you for mourning the loss of your old friendship but in time I think you'll find you haven't really lost anything.

[lottieandmia]

I agree with TheBadgers. This woman sounds really nasty and jealous.

[EustaceClarenceScrubb]

new friend has been saying I don't deserve my good job as I have seizures

What a nasty person.

^^ This
It is people like her that make me despair for my my DC's future living with epilepsy. As if having seizures wasn't shit enough, dealing with other people's mean comments is almost as bad. Really cross on your behalf, they both sound horrible OP, leave them too it!

[EustaceClarenceScrubb]

Forgot to say- well done for getting your job!

[Raggydolly3]

Luckily I think my DH and her DH are both level headed adults who will carry on their friendship regardless which is of course what I want. They are not best friends but good friends and part of the same pool team. I know the old friends DH likes me and has obviously has stuck up for me, he really does not like the new friend.
Anyway I have defriended from Facebook and have decided to make a clean break, if she comes crawling back then i think I will tell her to do one. I won't beg for a friendship at my age, been there and done that as a native teenager, never again

[Raggydolly3]

I may be getting my own back here though
I have been offered use of a holiday cottage for free in a very nice part of France for a week in July. DH has some important work stuff that week so can't come.
I found this out at the beginning of December and had arranged with friends DH to take friend with me, and between the two DHs they would manage the kids. It was going to be a surprise for my friends birthday (special birthday) and I was going to pay for the flights.
I have messaged my friends DH tonight to say I don't think this will now be possible and he has messaged back straight away that he does not blame me at all and he is sorry for his wives behaviour. He said she is very unhappy in her job but won't do anything about it and new friend has latched on to this.
I have asked my other good friend to join me and she has jumped at it as she is single with no kids.

[AmeliaJack]

Good for you. I hope he tells his wife.

[LeninaCrowne]

I'm pleased to hear about your job situation - well done!

Enjoy your trip to France .