To think being an "apple" is the worst of all the shapes

[Temporaryname137]

Like lots of people, I've started the NY with the intention of losing weight. The health/fitness benefits go without saying.

BUT even if I shrank to nothing, like mrs pepperpot, I would still have enormous massive horrible boobs and gunt perched on top of skinny legs and no bum. It's less healthy to be this shape and it's virtually impossible to dress, because trousers are all saggy around the arse and hips whilst cutting into the waist, and by the time you've got a top that is big enough to cover the tits and gut, you look three sizes bigger than you really are (or "like a block" as my helpful DP once said when telling me that one oversized top was too oversized!).

If you are a pear, with a nice slinky waist, you can either celebrate your big bum or disguise it with something that makes you look all nipped in at the waist and slim. If you are a rectangle, or an hourglass, you're alright anyway. But being an apple? Awful!

[greedygorb]

I'm an apple. But I also am shortish and also large framed, so I have a wide back, enormous hips and calves a professional cyclist would be proud of. I think I'm built to be howking spuds out of a bog in a gale. I look shit even when I'm at my thinnest and I've never found a dress that suits. Shifts are fine everywhere but the bosom area but the big tits make me look matronly. Go me! I have come to terms with it- but sometimes I weep quietly when I see the tiny framed women.

[loobyloo1234]

I'm an un-toned hourglass. Trying to find jeans to fit is like trying to find a needle in 10 haystacks. I feel your pain

My hips are so big, they're wider than my shoulders. But yet I have a small waist. It really sucks

[ToastDemon]

As a pear, I think longingly of your effortlessly slim, cellulite-free legs.
And I can't get trousers to fit either - it's all straining over the hips and gaping at the waist.

[Andylion]

Also, rectangle, for me, means waist is too small or hips are too big, when buying jeans, (which are my usual work "uniform").

[scampimom]

Apples have bigger boobs, shurly? All the definitions I can find online say that.

[Temporaryname137]

I didn't have particularly big boobs until I gained a LOT of weight at university. Now whatever my weight, the horrible enormous saggy bastards just don't go anywhere. I'm not asking for miracles, I don't expect to go bra-less or to wear a bikini, but it would be nice to have something that won't fit over my head and doesn't have 4 hooks at the back. sigh.

the floaty tops and skinny trousers really don't make you look any slimmer. because of the giant boobs and gunt, you just look as if you are all that size.

agreed with the hourglass jealousy. my friend is like a walking Barbie doll, she's 6 foot and all slim leg, curvy bum, big boobs and tiny waist - and she can gain and lose a lot before you'd even notice it. bah.

[Andylion]

I think I'm built to be howking spuds out of a bog in a gale.

You sound like me. I've always described my arms as being those of a potato/beet farmer because I got them from my grandmother whose background was Irish/Pennsylvania Dutch, (German).

[Temporaryname137]

oh god this made me laugh:

"I think I'm built to be howking spuds out of a bog in a gale."

curse my irish ancestors, I've definitely missed my calling too!

DP and the women in his family have big arses and legs, so poor DD is probably doomed to one or the other. So long as she doesn't get my top half and his bottom half...

[Notveryhappyvalley]

Another apple here - I'm a 40C bra so fat around the chest but no actual boobs to speak of and a 50 inch waist so enormous fat belly. People started asking me if I was pregnant when I hit a size 12. Now I'm a 20 they seem to have stopped, mainly because I'd have to be having sextuplets to account for my massive tum!

I lost a stone last year and my face looked thinner and my rings got looser but my size 20 jeans were just as tight! I got a bit demoralised then and put it all on again. I'm going to try again this year but am resigned to the fact that my fat belly and associated health risks are here to stay.

[PickledCauliflower]

I should get a job as a newsreader. I have no problems dressing my top half - my face definitely does not match my arse!

I have awful cellulite on my bum and thighs. I can't get trousers to fit properly - too tight in the leg or too loose around the waist. I know they say pear is a healthier way to carry fat, but I can't stand it.
I spent half of my life on the cross trainer as it gives my legs a bit of definition (hours of work for just a bit mind).

I dream of having slender pins!

[Branleuse]

who says trousers ae made for pear shapes? Wonder why every pair i try either doesnt fit over my thighs, or gapes at the waist then.

Basically its hard work dressing a figure with curves, fall wherever those curves may as noone is the same

[Notveryhappyvalley]

At least if you've got the big boobs your floaty tops hang off your boobs and skim your stomach. My friend is that shape and her boobs distract from everything else. Any floaty tops that'll go round my middle gape and flap about at the chest and have acres of spare material where the boobs are meant to go. If they fit round the chest they are stretched taught over my stomach - not a good look!

[CuckooCuckooClock]

At least you apples can buy shape wear for special occasions.
My cankles ruin any nice dress, despite having a small waist. I'd swap my pear shape in a heartbeat.

[formerbabe]

I'm an apple. My figure is nice when I'm very slim so never. Any weight goes straight on my belly. I have slim legs. If trousers fit me on the waist, they are slightly too baggy on the legs. If they fit my legs properly then I can't do them up.

If I look at myself straight on in the mirror, I look fairly slim but turn to the side and I look huge as all my weight is on the front of my stomach..

[PickledCauliflower]

Can anyone recommend flattering jeans for fat arse / thighs but a smallish waist?
I used to buy a range in Oasis called "Scarlett" but they have changed the fit again.

[formerbabe]

I'm a rectangle. Can I have a fruity name too?

The only fruit I can think of with a vaguely rectangular shape is a pineapple chunk! Will that do?!

[MysticTwat]

There is some clothing tips on here, (even if some of the models are definitely not apple shaped!) I think it's supposed to be best to either have and empire waist line or below the belly one on dresses and tops.
I tried to stick to that when my weight is on the up. I also try to keep tops long and floaty to cover the saggy trousers round the bum. Then a tailored coat/Cardigan/blazer on top.


picvpic.com/fashion101/

[augustbody]

I can't believe no one picked up on the OPs use of the word 'gunt'!

I have a some friends who are apple shapes - if I am being honest they do have quite strange shaped bodies BUT they all have the most cracking legs ever, and as a bog standard pear shape with fucking enormous hips, thighs and cankles, i am well jealous of their shapely pins!

I think its swings and roundabouts, no one is ever happy with their own body are they?

[KatharinaRosalie]

I have strong legs and especially calves. I so disagree that all trousers are made for me.
My apple-shaped friend can just walk into any shop and choose from 2000 pairs of skinny, slim, tregging/jegging/whetever-egging trousers they sell. While I look like I have 2 sausages for legs in any kind of slim fit, and my calves usually get stuck in tapered/cigarrette trousers as well. So I have to hunt after this one single pair of straight leg trousers that they hide somewhere, that will actually fit my legs.

[ElspethFlashman]

A very serious question here:

Has any apple ever found a maxi dress that didn't make them look pregnant?

I love them so much - but they don't love me.

[MysticTwat]

Sorry that link doesn't work properly!

[scampimom]

No, all maxi dresses make me look like an earth mother type.

It does beg the question - who ARE clothes made for? Seems to be all-sizes-fit-none!

[Apachepony]

I'm an apple with cankles 😟. I'm cursed.

[Temporaryname137]

august - I thought most people might think it was a typo!