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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to send thank you cards age 4?

53 replies

Lelly78 · 02/01/2017 21:10

My son just had a small 4th birthday party (5 guests) and opened and thanked guests for their presents there and then.

AIBU not to send thank you cards as well? Some people have done it this year so it seems to be a thing to send them but generally parties have been bigger and they weren't opened there and then?

OP posts:

Pineapplemilkshake · 02/01/2017 21:21

I would only send if the presents were not opened in the presence of the giver, regardless of age

downwardfacingdog · 02/01/2017 21:23

Yanbu

Ibloodyhatethomasthetankengine · 02/01/2017 21:28

I'm 35 and I still send thank you cards, as does pretty much everyone I know. It's just good manners, even though it's a bit of a pain, so my kids always do it.

You can make it fun for them - just get a pack of plain cards from the pound shop, and just let him paint the shit out of them. Once dry, Get a pen and write 'Thank you!' on the front.

Voila.

Teacherontherun · 02/01/2017 21:31

Send them. Its only five cards! I get my kids to draw a picture /write a thank you note and then scan it.

WyfOfBathe · 02/01/2017 21:33

I've never done thank you cards for gifts opened in front of the giver.

SoftSheen · 02/01/2017 21:36

It's generally considered polite to write a note as well.

A four year old could help make some cards which you could then write, with your son writing his name if he is able to.

Original poster

Lelly78 · 02/01/2017 21:40

I knew this would end up being 50 / 50! He'd do them, no real problem, I guess I just don't see the point and I'd feel like I was doing it for the sake of it, to "show" we've got good manners. Similarly I think maybe I should send a text and be done with it (and I probably will) but it seems?! Not sure why I am reluctant really, maybe it feels like overkill?

OP posts:

Original poster

Lelly78 · 02/01/2017 21:41

Maybe because my family have never done cards for each other, we've said thank you and shown genuine appreciation and excitement...

OP posts:

Footinmouthasusual · 02/01/2017 21:42

No If he said thanks to the giver that's fine.

Life to short.

Birdsgottafly · 02/01/2017 21:50

I think that we are becoming more environmentally aware, so hopefully cards will die out.

Anyone who is thanked personally, shouldn't need another Thank You.

itstimeforchange · 02/01/2017 21:52

I think if the giver was present when the gifts were opened then it's not necessary, although would be really nice to do so. If the giver was not present then absolutely 100% you need to thank in some way, but whether that needs to be a card is dubious. Phone calls, nicely worded texts or popping round to their house are some other options.

I like the idea of painting blank cards and then writing thank you. Need to get my kids to do this... (they are 6, 4 and 4 and I find it so difficult to get them to write/draw on all their cards - there are often quite a few and they get way too involved in each one so it takes forrrrever... but paintings they love to do quickly and move on!)

Namechangenurseryconcerns · 02/01/2017 21:53

No need for cards if your son has thanked them in person. Maybe a group text to say thanks again for coming and the lovely presents

Believeitornot · 02/01/2017 22:05

I send texts to individuals and thank them for the specific present (e.g. Ds liked playing with the "y")

I've never received a thank you card from a party nor sent one

Crumbs1 · 02/01/2017 22:06

Thank you cards every time.

Figure17a · 02/01/2017 22:09

I agree with op. You thank the giver in person when opening gift or later if they weren't there when it was opened. Not both.

Same always applies, regardless of age

musingsofawannabemumpreneur · 02/01/2017 22:10

I'm a vote for thank you cards too. I'm sorry to say but I am a bit judgey when not receiving a thank you card

That probably comes from my mother!

My thought is that someone has spent their time, effort and money on selecting a present for you, and so sending a card in return is a way of giving some tangible appreciation.

When my little one was around 4, I used to get him to write one "thank you" poster, take a photo of him holding it up, and I'd write a short thank you on the reverse of the photos myself and send them out.

Footinmouthasusual · 02/01/2017 22:13

I prefer to save the environment than worry about a random person judging me when they have already been thanked.

Complete waste of time and money.

Figure17a · 02/01/2017 22:13

Oh dear musings. I'd be rolling my eyes at the performance parenting if I rec'd one of those

StylishDuck · 02/01/2017 22:15

I wouldn't expect to receive a thank you note from someone who's opened the present I gave them in my presence. If I wasn't in their presence a text would suffice. It's nice to get thank you cards but tbh it's not like I keep them. They go on the mantelpiece for a couple of days then into the bin. Save the environment and send a text

musingsofawannabemumpreneur · 02/01/2017 22:19

Figure... you'd be rolling your eyes?! What's performance parenting?

Haha... wow it's interesting to see how differently people see things! To me it was just a nice personal way to involve my LO in saying thank you at an age he couldn't write...

dementedma · 02/01/2017 22:22

Slightly different t but mine have just finished writing their Christmas thank you cards. Dcs are 26, 23 and 14 and they still do this and hope they always will. Older relatives particularly appreciate the gesture.
I sent both of my nephews £20 in their birthday cards last year and never got a thank you. Both have birthdays in January and both will be getting just cards this year.

Footinmouthasusual · 02/01/2017 22:22

musings I think figure was joking. I would be impressed you did that to be fair it's nice. I couldn't be arsed mind you but it's nice.

Original poster

Lelly78 · 02/01/2017 22:31

I actually considered printing the group photo and sending it as a card but thought that would be raising the competative parenting stakes unnecessarily ...

OP posts:

SpiritedLondon · 02/01/2017 22:34

Come on....people don't send thank you cards because they forget or can't be bothered not for environmental reasons. I don't necessarily send thank you cards to my friends who buy presents for my DD because between us we dont expect them and we're not offended. There are relatives in my family that I would always try and send a note to and if necessary require my DD to make a card. Generally I do see a general deteroriation in manners with this regards and quite often presents are never even acknowledged verbally or otherwise ( this is possibly the third year that I've given my teenage niece and nephew money for Christmas which wasn't even acknowledged). I think an occasional handmade card as a thank you goes a long way in instilling in children the importance of good manners. If someone thought that a handmade card or picture from a 4 year old was "performance parenting" I would consider mealy mouthed and generally indicative of their low standards.

SheepyFun · 02/01/2017 22:37

Last year DD saved me the question by separating all the cards from the presents while I had my back turned, so I had no idea who'd given what! For a birthday party, I confess I don't bother; I do make sure relatives who give gifts are thanked somehow, though that includes by text. She's just turned 4, so I guess it's time to start including her in the 'process' of saying thank you.

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