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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to send thank you cards age 4?

53 replies

Lelly78 · 02/01/2017 21:10

My son just had a small 4th birthday party (5 guests) and opened and thanked guests for their presents there and then.

AIBU not to send thank you cards as well? Some people have done it this year so it seems to be a thing to send them but generally parties have been bigger and they weren't opened there and then?

OP posts:

RubyFlint · 02/01/2017 22:41

I must admit I appreciate a written thank you. I'd be happy with a text/picture tho.

Teddy1970 · 02/01/2017 22:42

I do thank you cards, at Christmas my 4 year old received a lovely book from my SILs PIL! It was very thoughtful of them to think of her like that, so I shall be writing the bulk of the text in the card and my daughter can write her name now, so she'll sign it off..

haveacupoftea · 02/01/2017 22:44

Depends. If its family i wouldnt even expect a thanks when I hand it over, let alone a card.

Footinmouthasusual · 02/01/2017 22:52

Oh agree I can't be arsed but saving the environment makes me happy too and less of a lazy cow.

QueenOfTheSardines · 02/01/2017 22:53

Do what you think best.

From reading MN I learned that everyone has different ways of doing stuff and whatever you do it will probably be wrong according to someone. So just do what you feel comfortable with.

I would not give one single toss at not receiving a thank-you note from a 4yo. Or from a 40yo TBH. If someone says thanks when it's handed over then that's good enough for me. If I got something through the post then I'd ring / text / facebook / put pen to paper or something but that's never happened yet

QueenOfTheSardines · 02/01/2017 22:56

For the people who give / receive thank you notes, can I ask, how many men send you thank you notes for gifts?

No-one in my family does this or DH's or either of our circle of friends so it's not something I'm familiar with - in circles / parts of the country where this is a "must" do the men send them as well?

scrivette · 02/01/2017 23:03

My 5 year old always does thank you notes, as do I.

I like the group photo idea.

SpiritedLondon · 02/01/2017 23:49

sardines nope never in my history have a known a man send or instigate a thank you card. I also don't know many men who send Christmas cards, remember birthdays or plan parties etc .. for what it's worth it is a " pink " job in my circle. " Blue" jobs that I want no part of include bins and lawn cutting etc but I'm not claiming this as a universal rule!

TonyMacaroni · 02/01/2017 23:51

I thought the form was to send them if you hadn't thanked the person face to face.

99% of the parties we go to we don't get a thank you card.

SpiritedLondon · 02/01/2017 23:55

If I don't get DD to draw something I quite like sending Touchnote postcards if I've got a suitable photo..... but not in all instances as I said.

peaceloveandbiscuits · 02/01/2017 23:58

"I'd feel like I was doing it for the sake of it, to "show" we've got good manners."

What is the point of having good manners if you don't show them? If you don't, no one knows you've got them

I always write thank you cards.

TonyMacaroni · 03/01/2017 00:04

I don't get thank you cards from men or women. I have never had one from an adult, occasionally get them in the post from relatives children who haven't thanked me face to face.

I'm sure some people enjoy/like to receive them but I certainly wouldn't say it was ill mannered of you not to.

DailyFail1 · 03/01/2017 00:07

If your son sent thank you in person, why does he need to send cards too? It's all OTT.

dementedma · 03/01/2017 07:43

In terms of men sending thank you cards/letters, I always recieve hand written letters after events etc from people in the military, from senior officers down. They do have lovely manners!

Bananabread123 · 03/01/2017 08:18

Last year DD saved me the question by separating all the cards from the presents while I had my back turned,

That's a bit of a cop out I think.... Better to write 'thank you for my daughter's present' than not at all surely. Reasonable people will realise that keeping track of multiple Christmas presents, especially when there are multiple children, isn't easy unless you run Christmas Day morning like a military operation.... I try to keep track of presents, but often don't fully succeed, and my children write a generic thank you.

Bananabread123 · 03/01/2017 08:21

I'm sure some people enjoy/like to receive them but I certainly wouldn't say it was ill mannered of you not to.

I tend to agree... it's nice to receive a card, but honestly, I have too much going on in my life to fret over not having received a card from someone.

SquatBetty · 03/01/2017 09:47

Absolute waste of time sending thank you cards to people you've already thanked in person. I can still remember the drearyness of being made to sit at the dining room table as a child and write out thank you cards - I did suggest I phoned and thanked the giver myself but was never allowed too

MsGameandWatch · 03/01/2017 09:50

I've never sent a thank you card and never received one. I don't know anyone in RL who does it.

idontlikealdi · 03/01/2017 09:51

Always do thank you cards and so do dts, age 6. It's polite.

Katy07 · 03/01/2017 09:53

Thank you cards. It teaches your children good manners.

Hygellig · 03/01/2017 09:55

I only send thank you notes (well, a text or email usually) if the gift giver wasn't there when the child opened the gift.

My son had about 7 children at his last birthday party, and I texted the parents afterwards to say thank you for coming and for the gifts. Maybe next year I'll make him write thank you notes himself, if I can face it. The year before that he had a whole class party and I sent some generic thank you cards into school. But I think of all the whole-class parties he's had, most haven't done thank you cards afterwards.

If he opens a present in front of someone then I consider the thank you said at the time to be enough. However, our niece and nephew always send thank you cards even though we give them their presents in person. If their mum is adamant they have to send a thank you note, I'd be quite happy for them to email or text given the high price of stamps.

SilentBatperson · 03/01/2017 10:14

Of course not, not when you've thanked the givers face to face and opened the present in front of them. It would be a silly waste of paper. Personally I'd hate to receive a thank you card from a 4 year old. Either the child at least partially did it, in which case I'd much rather they were playing, or the parent/carer wrote it in which case it's a waste of time anyway. So don't worry about offending anyone by not sending, plenty of recipients wouldn't thank you for one either! The world doesn't need more wifework anyway.

squoosh · 03/01/2017 10:26

Thank You cards really are a very British preoccupation.

If thanks are given at the time I really do not see the point of sending a second thanks via Royal Mail! Obviously if the giver isn't present thanks should be given via card, phone call etc. but otherwise, nah.

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 03/01/2017 10:29

I've never sent a thank you card and I've never met anyone else who has sent a thank you card. You either thank them on the spot or you phone them up and thank them afterwards.

A thank you isn't worth less because it hasn't been put in a card.

Original poster

Lelly78 · 03/01/2017 17:17

Good point peace :)

Thank you for the opinions, i sent a text. I couldn't stop myself

OP posts:

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