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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My god!?

19 replies

mum2Bomg · 02/01/2017 02:38

DH and I have a four week old DD. She is beautiful and the best thing I have ever done - no mistaking.

Tonight we went for a drink with DD early and I had put my big girl pants on and decided now would be the right time for us to have sex. Got a nice outfit and had it delivered and then had a couple of wines (for the nerves) and tried it on. It went well and I felt loved and appreciated.

Then comes the night feed for DD...he wakes up in a mood (as he does every night when he's woken) and I put the bottle together incorrectly so it leaks. He tells me that I'm failing because I'm 'on the wine' and he can't trust me to look after our daughter.

Being a goady fucker I then ask if he has arranged alternative childcare for when he goes back to work - the day after tomorrow. I want to kick him out forever but instead I'm awake now and doing washing and sterilising bottles. Fml.

OP posts:
Original poster
mum2Bomg · 02/01/2017 02:45

Bottle feeding before anyone asks...just want a hug...

OP posts:
QuestionableMouse · 02/01/2017 02:48

Sounds rubbish .I'm sorry.

Congrats on the baby though!

Original poster
mum2Bomg · 02/01/2017 02:50

Thanks, she's amazing and I'm sat up staring at her perfect face now- it's her Dad who is the problem though! As people often say on here, I have a DH problem!

OP posts:
seven201 · 02/01/2017 02:53

Urgh, twat.

Italiangreyhound · 02/01/2017 02:53

Bloody hell mum2Bomg that is a very shit response from him. Hope he is going to mend his ways.

QuestionableMouse · 02/01/2017 02:55

The first few months are tough and Christmas/new year don't help. Doesn't mean you have to let him get away with being an idiot, just cut him some slack tonight and then have a calm chat at some point tomorrow. Mummy has done all of the hard work for nine months, time for daddy to muck in too.

Original poster
mum2Bomg · 02/01/2017 02:56

Thank you. Feeling so alone right now and I'm not overly confident about when he goes back to work and being alone with DD as I have had so much support over Christmas.

OP posts:
Original poster
mum2Bomg · 02/01/2017 02:58

He's mucking in and helping but soooo moody that it makes me want to camp out on the sofa with DD over night although he wants us all to sleep in the same room.

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 02/01/2017 02:59

Just so you know if you commit murder the jury would be full of your peers

Original poster
mum2Bomg · 02/01/2017 03:01

I was thinking about punching him in the throat while he's asleep but I think mumsnet frowns upon that kind of response so I'm having another cup of tea instead.

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Original poster
mum2Bomg · 02/01/2017 03:01

I even had sex with the sod!

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Original poster
mum2Bomg · 02/01/2017 03:02

AND shaved my mega-bush!

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DailyFaily · 02/01/2017 03:02

Yeah, no one likes being woken up but that's what happens when you have a baby and your DH needs to stop being grumpy and start being supportive. Horrible of him to knock your confidence as a parent for something some inconsequential. If he was genuinely concerned then one would expect him to take over childcare immediately which he clearly hasn't. Sounds like you're a lovely mother (and a thoughtful wife for that matter) - no point in talking about this with him in the middle of the night but make sure to let him know you don't appreciate his attitude. Congrats on the arrival of your DD, enjoy her and don't let anything take away from that.

QuestionableMouse · 02/01/2017 03:04

You'll be fine alone with the baby.

Don't punch him in the throat, make him do the next few poopy nappies. Much better revenge.

You need to remind him she's his child and he doesn't get to be a moody get while he's looking after her.

Original poster
mum2Bomg · 02/01/2017 03:06

I'm reading tour last sentence over and over as that's the most important one - thank you DailyFaily

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mathanxiety · 02/01/2017 03:22

he wakes up in a mood (as he does every night when he's woken)

soooo moody that it makes me want to camp out on the sofa with DD over night although he wants us all to sleep in the same room.

You shouldn't have to deal with this on top of a four week old baby. He is making you cater to him instead of him bending over backwards to support you.

He is setting you up to fail and trying to domineer.

Give him the benefit of the doubt as a first move here, and tell him he has to go and get his anxiety sorted out, that you are not going to allow that to take over your relationship. Tell him this is not negotiable.

If he refuses, blames you for whatever moods he is in, and wants you to be the one who gets fixed, then you will know he only wants to set you up to fail, with his insistence on all sleeping in the same room and then giving himself permission to be a pain in the arse when he is woken by the baby.

Then you will have a decision to make.

Good luck. I fear you really do have a H problem here. You can't fix what is wrong with him if that is the case.

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 02/01/2017 03:24

People say dickish things with all the stuff that goes with a new baby. My most recent one is 12 weeks old - I pretty much had the same row with DH when he went back to work.
Hats off to you for managing sex after 4 weeks, anyway! It's taken us a bit longer. Have a chat with the husband tomorrow, and hopefully this will not become a habit of his - you're at one of the most difficult times now, but it gets easier quite shortly.

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 02/01/2017 03:29

Oh yeah, missed that bit. Listen to Math.

We did one night on and one night off. The person who was 'on' stayed with the baby and the other slept in another room. He can't expect not to be disturbed if you're sleeping in the same room. We've only just managed a couple of nights like that at 12 weeks. Best to wait until the baby sleeps through or longer otherwise everyone gets driven mad.

MaggotStew · 02/01/2017 03:33

Any reason why he couldn't have made up the bottle, seeing as he's so much more capable?

Congrats on your gorgeous new arrival! Flowers

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