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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask my husband to leave

54 replies

Mrsonion123 · 01/01/2017 20:38

Am I being unreasonable I think I'm going insane!

My husband of 5 years has packed his things and is leaving in the morning

I feel absolutely sick stomach in knots

We can't agree on anything
He blames me for everything
He has told me he nearly joined a dating site because of the lack of affection
He said if he stays with me he will be dead in 5 years because he will drink himself to death

He has started lashing out at stuff around our house

He says I need to have consequences for my actions

He started smoking because of how stressed I am making him

I don't work he does and he said I need to get my dog put down because I can't afford to pay the insurance

He says I have no idea how much my actions affect him personally and it's my fault if we argue that he does nothing at work that day

Sorry this is just a rambling of stuff 😩😩😩

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 01/01/2017 20:40

What "actions" is he talking about?

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 01/01/2017 20:40

Definitely ask him to leave.

Whilst there are always two sides to every story, as a matter of fact, he sounds very unhappy and you probably both need space to resolve this (whether that is by divorce or not)

DontTouchTheMoustache · 01/01/2017 20:41

That's awful op Flowers do you have children? You must feel devastated but this man sounds mean and just horrible. In the long run it sounds like you will be happier without him but I understand you must be a complete mess right now. Have things been bad for a while? People tend to lash out when they know they are in the wrong, anger is an easier emotion to deal.with than guilt

DesignedForLife · 01/01/2017 20:41

Sorry you're in such a bad situation. Have you tried relationship counselling or is it beyond that? Sounds like you both need to work through some stuff Flowers

Guavaf1sh · 01/01/2017 20:42

Is he leaving in the morning because you already asked him to leave? Are you regretting the decision - is that the AIBU? If so I don't think you should

Original poster
Mrsonion123 · 01/01/2017 20:45

Yeah I already asked him to.

We have two kids one is nearly 5 other is nearly 2.

Actions like he spilt the bottle of Diet Coke on the bench and because I left the top off he tightened it so hard I couldn't get the lid off and he wouldn't open it for me because I leave the lids off things all the time. Ridiculous really

OP posts:
Heirhelp · 01/01/2017 20:47

It is all about him isn't it.

FatalKittehCharms · 01/01/2017 20:47

Why don't you work? Do you have kids or are you sick?

FatalKittehCharms · 01/01/2017 20:48

Xpost

Original poster
Mrsonion123 · 01/01/2017 20:50

Heirhelp always

Yes it's been going on for a while the last year has been very bad

He has been diagnosed type 1 diabetes and he's not dealt with that well at all either

Sorry I'm not trying to drop feed

OP posts:
ThisYearWillbeBetter · 01/01/2017 20:52

He sounds abusive. Google "gaslighting" and have a look at this thread in Relationships.

Good luck!

WorraLiberty · 01/01/2017 20:53

Neither of you sound happy, so no, YANBU to ask him to leave.

RebelRogue · 01/01/2017 20:54

Regardless of who's right or wrong,you both sound seriously unhappy. YANBU

Armadillostoes · 01/01/2017 21:03

YANBU-it sounds horrible. His attitude towards your dog alone is unforgiveable. He also seems to have no concept of shared finances, being a team or valuing your contribution to the partnership.

Don't let the diabetes become an excuse for his behaviour either. Problems with blood sugar can have a drastic effect on mood and behaviour at any given moment, and in other circumstances I would cut someone newly diagnosed with diabetes some slack in this regard. However, it doesn't excuse his long-term abusive behaviour in any way shape of form (and it doesn't give him carte blanche in the short term either).

I hope that 2017 is a brighter and better year for you. It sounds as though you have had a rough time lately.

Justaboy · 01/01/2017 21:11

I wonder reading that is he perhaps somewhat mentally ill?

sheldonesque · 01/01/2017 21:24

This man does not love you.

Your dog does and always will.

You got rid of the right one. Flowers

Atenco · 01/01/2017 21:34

Well nobody should in a relationship where they are not loved and respected and love and respect back. So whatever the rights and wrongs of it, it is time he went

But please do not say you are not working if you have two children under five.

1cansee4miles · 01/01/2017 21:35

Mrsonion I understand your fear, I've been in a similar situation. He could be suffering from depression. It would make him blame you for everything. If that is so then at the moment he will be beyond reason and you won't be able to change anything but if you give him space to think then the shock of you asking him to leave or indeed if he actually leaves it might make him take a step back. The current situation is not irretrievable.

ChicRock · 01/01/2017 21:37

He sounds like he's having some kind of breakdown.

RedastheRose · 01/01/2017 21:38

Yep I agree with other posters he is being EA and YANBU. Read up about emotionally abusive behaviour, he is blaming you for everything and that is neither fair nor reasonable. You are right not to let him continue to treat you like this, it is harmful for both you and for your children as they grow up to see their father treat their mother in this way. You will be sad but if you are to have any future together he needs to get counselling for his behaviour and if he isn't willing to get counselling then you know that you are not that important to him.

Ilovecaindingle · 01/01/2017 21:42

For the dog comment alone he needs binning. .

Grilledaubergines · 01/01/2017 21:48

Not going to tell you it's all him and he's a terrible person because none of us know him or you and we're obviously getting one side only.

The bottom line is the relationship has broken down. No real, productive point in apportioning blame. It's sad and it happens.

Next step is to see this stage through, both have a break from each other and review the situation in an agreed period of time.

Keep communicating if you both can. Not with a view to reconciling but in order that all of your needs are met and there is minimal disruption, particularly to your children.

Topseyt · 01/01/2017 21:55

He sounds like a complete arse.

His behaviour is disgusting and his comments about your dog unforgivable

You will be well rid.

Original poster
Mrsonion123 · 01/01/2017 21:55

I do wonder about depression too I have no idea how to help this situation but we can't go on

I think him leaving tomorrow is the right thing

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 01/01/2017 22:01

Yes, definitely.

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