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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To start a DIL bashing thread?

150 replies

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 01/01/2017 20:24

No it's not really! But a threat inspired by a thread. This MIL one is quite enjoyable: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2816733-Aibu-to-think-this-about-MILs?pg=1&order=

Any MILs who care to share their perspective on the relationship? Why do you think DILs are so difficult? Is this a thing?

OP posts:
ChuckSnowballs · 01/01/2017 20:24

Perhaps they are difficult because they are sick of interfering judgemental MILs?

Feckitall · 01/01/2017 20:37

I get on brilliantly 2 of my DCs partners, DS2 married, DIL is lovely, great relationship and DD has a lovely long term partner, although not married I refer to him as Son in Law...
DS1s ex on the other hand, I'm sure would slate me, I'm apparently responsible for anything he does wrong, his MH issues (Bipolar)/ his ASD and her choice to have children by him, even when she knew he was mentally ill.
I feel for her childrens future partners when they are grown up.

DailyFail1 · 01/01/2017 21:16

DB's wife is really ungrateful. Mum took care of her and nephew during a difficult pregnancy even when she'd alienated both her mum and stepmum. But when it comes to spending time with nephew she prioritizes her mums - my mum is a soft hearted type, pities her so won't ever say anything, but it pisses the rest of us off (inc DB but he's always overruled).

SausageSoda · 01/01/2017 21:18

I am a fantastic DIL Wink

sizeofalentil · 01/01/2017 21:21

I'm a terrible DIL.

I love my PIL but they are very different (in good ways) to my parents/family so sometimes find their love and kindness stifling.

I also hate sending cards and talking on the phone - two things MIL loves / uses to show love.

I think a lot of the problems in these relationships comes from two sets of people with very different backgrounds and life experiences being thrust together and expected to become family. It's very easy to feel slighted or hurt if you don't understand the other's behaviour.

FourToTheFloor · 01/01/2017 21:35

I think I'm probably a bad DIL even though I really like my IL. I'm very vocal on things and dh has been spoilt. I probably tell him what to do more than MIL would like!

But dh loves me and we are a great team Smile

FatGreen · 01/01/2017 21:35

My MIL would probably say I am a terrible DIL because I don't defer to her as matriarch of the clan (she's the eldest of 12 children, and had five of her own, all with lots of children, and sees herself very much as Collective Mother Figure), am extremely careerist rather than family-minded, have one child by choice (which sees as a reproach), and just approach life very differently. We actually get on perfectly well, thanks to me being tactful and tolerant, but are not bosom friends.

Atenco · 01/01/2017 21:37

Not my DIL but my Ex PIL's DIL. Who went and lived in their house for three years, because she couldn't afford to rent anywhere as nice and then, when she split up from her husband stood in the street slagging them off. Grrrr.

My ex PIL were lovely, even though their sons are no advertisement for them.

Ilovecaindingle · 01/01/2017 21:39

I am a disowned dil for reasons unknown to both me and dh!! He is disowned also!! For assume same unknown reasons.

I have a dil and have a great relationship with her. The key is to stay supportive but impartial in their relationship from the start.

BellonaBelladonna · 01/01/2017 21:40

I'm a bad dil. I don't do what I'm told by Mil.

I can live with that.

Soubriquet · 01/01/2017 21:44

Oh I'm a terrible DIL

I took her baby boy away and I'm the reason she no longer gets to see the grand children or that her own son hates her

lokivonpoki · 01/01/2017 21:45

I'm seen as a bad DIL because I dared to meet their darling DS. They seen it as me taking him off them Hmm he was the eldest child so the first to get into a "proper" relationship.

Their 2 other DS grew older and met partners and they were welcomed with open arms, apparently they learned their lesson with the way they treat me back then... although they still do Confused

Oh well, I can't stand any of them and do the whole "smile and nod" to a tee, whilst simultaneously thinking "your a fucking bitch and I hate you"

See...I'm a delight Grin

SusanTrinder · 01/01/2017 21:45

I'm a terrible DIL.

I've got opinions. I even have a job, despite having 2 children! Shock

I also (if you can believe the audacity of this), allow my poor hard-working husband to change nappies, and even do housework even though he's already done a day's work.

Going to hell in a handcart, I am.

LumelaMme · 01/01/2017 21:46

Perhaps as the MN demographic ages, MIL-bashing will be replaced by DIL-bashing, as all the PFBs grow up and acquire partners...

I know that some MNers are MILs already, but I suspect they are significantly in the minority.

BellonaBelladonna · 01/01/2017 21:47

And I haven't brought the dc up exactly as she wants. What a beeatch I am.

Wheelerdeeler · 01/01/2017 21:47

I'm a great dil. My pil just left after dinner ( we collected and dropped them home so they could have a drink).

We had a lovely evening. Mil sent me a text thanking me for a delish dinner.

She treats me well and I do likewise.

SenecaFalls · 01/01/2017 21:50

I have a former daughter-in-law, the ex-wife of my PLB. 'Nuff said. Wink

Namejustfornappies · 01/01/2017 21:53

I suspect I'm an awful DIL.
MIL is nice enough, but I just don't warm to her, and can never find anything to talk to her about. We have long awkward silences, which I find hard. She's always led a very quiet, small life, and I just don't get that. Can't even talk current affairs as she doesn't follow them, and if I try to ask her about DHs childhood she can't remember etc etc.
Ah well :(

lokivonpoki · 01/01/2017 21:53

senaca do elaborate..

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder · 01/01/2017 21:54

I'm a rubbish DIL. Stole her baby boy and am also crap in my duties as DH's personal secretary. To be fair, she's quite a nice woman, just not somebody that I would ever in a million years gravitate towards naturally (or vice versa) and it shows.

I get on great with SMIL though, she's a hoot. It's a much easier relationship because she's not DH's mum so there's none of the boring power struggle stuff and I don't feel like I'm in a tug of war.

ollieplimsoles · 01/01/2017 21:55

"I have raised my precious son from being a baby, I pushed him in every area from schooling to sports clubs and he was always better than my friend's children. I confided in him about everything- all my made up health problems and the complexities of my relationship with his father. I was proud of him as he was living the life I planned for him.

He met and married this girl and he has totally gone off the rails, he flat out refused to attend his own birthday party I planned for him when I asked if his girlfriend would kindly not attend (I wanted it family only) he refused to come on our 'last holiday' as a family of 4 when he was 23, because he took her on holiday instead.

His wedding was the worst, I apparently wasn't allowed to wear the ivory dress I bought for the occasion, because his wife to be was wearing something a little bit similar. He wouldn't tell me how much his honeymoon cost, despite me asking several times, what was I supposed to tell my friends?

Then they had a baby, and I had to find out on the day of the 12 week scan like every other person that they were expecting, even though I'm his mother. I was disgusted they didn't even tell me they were trying.
She totally blocked me from the birth, even though I wanted to be the to share the moment with my son. They wouldn't tell me the name choice till baby arrived so I had to worry for nine months that they would choose something common. She didn't send out any birth announcement cards to my friends so I had to do it. She breastfed to spite me so I couldn't have the baby when I wanted.

My son has completely sided
With her over everything, this isn't how I raised him, I always imagined any wife would be absorbed into our family and I could take control of the children the way I saw fit.

AIBU?"

Thats in my mil's ball park

Jayfee · 01/01/2017 21:55

plb??

seven201 · 01/01/2017 21:56

I'm not a good DIL. I should invite the PIL to spend more time with our DD while I'm on maternity leave, but I don't like spending time with them. I don't want to hear about people I've never heard of illnesses or to make endless cups of tea and have to clean the house. They're not bad people, they just annoy me.

Soubriquet · 01/01/2017 21:57

Precious last born

lokivonpoki · 01/01/2017 21:58

ollie I could have wrote that... what is wrong with some people?!
We will be amazing MIL's as we know what not to do, not that we would have anyway as we are not fucking weird

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