To start a DIL bashing thread?

[Iwasjustabouttosaythat]

No it's not really! But a threat inspired by a thread. This MIL one is quite enjoyable: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2816733-Aibu-to-think-this-about-MILs?pg=1&order=

Any MILs who care to share their perspective on the relationship? Why do you think DILs are so difficult? Is this a thing?

[nicknameinvalid970]

I know you are joking OP but YABVU to start a thread inviting "bashing". There are plenty of MILs on here-being a mum doesn't stop at any age. Thankfully none of them have been stupid and immature enough to rise to the bait and come on here to bash their DILs.

This thread has turned more into mind-reading what MILs think.(not exclusively I know).

There are difficult people in every generation and sometimes its more circular and about how two people react to each other. Causes a lot of upset, so not really funny.

[RaspberryOverloadTheFirst]

nokids your MIL may no longer be here, but you are still DIL

I'm sorry for your loss

[Crazycatlady123]

I'd like to think I'm a good DIL, my DH has a good relationship with her so I think on the whole we have a good relationship compared to a lot of other posters on this thread. She gets on my tits at times (as do I on hers too probably) but like others have said, this is largely down to being from different generations and having different values.

The main issue is her DD (my SIL) I can't bare, she's a narcissistic bully that has had it in for me for years. DH doesn't even like her anymore as she treats him, her own DB like shit too. DH and I limit contact with her for a quiet life, this has coloured the relationship with MIL as her DD/my SIL is her favourite child and can do no wrong, plus they live together. SIL has brief spells of pleasantness towards DH and I, e.g. during our engagement up til we got married, and now during my pregnancy.

It'll be interesting to see what happens when our DD is born, my SIL lives with MIL and as much as I want us all to get on and have a good relationship, I don't want my child to be around SIL when she inevitably goes back to treating both DH and I like shit again.

[whyamiawake]

MIL I can live with.

SIL is a nightmare.

[Titsalinabumsquash]

I adore my MIL! I think she loves me back, we get in well and have a right laugh. We don't agree on everything but we're both blunt enough to say something and deal with it. I'm married to her favourite son but she doesn't seem to have taken that as me taking him away from here she reminds me a lot of my own mother who isn't alive anymore but I miss having a mother greatly.

My BIL is my favourite person in the world (after DH and the kids/family) so I'm pretty lucky really, my eldest children's father, his mother hated me and the feeing was mutual.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Nokids - sorry that she's gone

And Klaptout - good grief! and for you too.

[GreyBird84]

If my DH wasn't an only child I would think timeisnot & myself share a MIL.

Mine threatened not to come to
our wedding & woukd ensure none of her family would either. I told her I wouldn't be blackmailed or bullied. I pass myself with her when I have to but we will never have a relationship.

All it does is show me how not to be a MIL.

My Step MIL is fantastic but obviously it's a very different dynamic.

[nokidshere]

I am (was) a good dil

Me and MIL have been friends since the first time we met 35yrs ago. She was completely neutral and never interfered in our relationship. She was feisty and good fun, generous and kind. She adored us all and loved having her grandsons close by, they had a fab relationship. She had her moments and could be a cantankerous old bugger, but then so could I.

We have definitely had some fun over the years.

Sadly she died a week ago and I just realised reading this thread that I am not a dil anymore

[Sweets101]

I don't understand the DIL/MIL thing. They do seem to compete which seems a bit jelousy induced and, well.. icky. Surely you can't get those two distinct relationships confused.
It always sound to me like 2 women fighting over the right to claim a man as theirs.
Gives me the boaks.

[CMamaof4]

Yes I am a terrible DIL apparently!
Although never actually done a thing wrong to my MIL!
She hated me from the beginning and made up strange lies about me as I suppose she couldn't actually find anything truley wrong with me, So better off making it up
Shes never met my children (her grandchildren) as she doesn't want to! Although sees all her other grandchildren.
What a witch!
My husband disowned her years ago for her terrible behaviour.

Al I can say is I will be an amazing MIL and Nanny when my kids grow up! X

[FourForYouGlenCoco]

I love my MIL to pieces. She's bloody brilliant, have known her 9 years now and in all that time she's only genuinely annoyed me once. I have a lot of love and respect for her, for many reasons. Me and her are off to the theatre together later this month I think she loves me too.
And I know my mum loves DH because she tells me so all the time. He feels the same way about her as I do about his mum. We both got lucky on the MIL front!
I like to think I'll be a good MIL one day too although mine are 4 and 5 months and I never want them to grow up, wahhh I have two excellent people showing me how it's done!

[NormHonal]

mamadoc I'm wondering if you are my SIL. You're not...but your relationship with your MIL is so similar to mine.

Independent/dependent being the key theme I think. DH and I are very much trying to raise independent DCs.

[Footinmouthasusual]

Agree with the shitty parents. One dil has vile parents and she's a bloody lovely person. It happens.

[Footinmouthasusual]

I love my dils and loved my mil. I am pretty sure they love me too.

Since joining mumsnet I realise this is fairly unusual.

[WhooooAmI24601]

CharlieSierra Some of the most fabulous adults I know were raised by utter arsehole parents. An absolute arsehole parent can sometimes raise a perfectly decent child who grows up to be a great person because they go the other way and spend their lives trying to ensure they don't repeat those shitty patterns.

A close friend of mine hates her MIL to the point where they have no contact. Her DH has also cut off contact after the MIL set up a fake email accounts in my friends name to try and convince her DH that she was having an affair. To sink to that level of madness is just astounding, yet her son is the kindest, most decent man imaginable. Shitty parents do not always make shitty children.

[TheInternetIsForPorn]

My bin bags are MrsB. She'd love me

[MrsMattBomer]

I'm a bad DIL because I keep everything in the wrong place in the kitchen.

Not really, I love MIL and consider her a close friend. Although she does look bemused every time she goes in the kitchen and the bin bags aren't under the sink (where they should be, apparently. Who knew?)

[Peapoo]

My mil fucking hates me. I try so hard and am always nice to her. She can't hide her disdain. Sad really.

[timeisnotaline]

I get on quite well with my
Mil, she is a lovely person but we are very different. I'm quite happy to have had my first baby in a different hemisphere so she can't have the daily contact she seems to have with the other dils. She is emotional and needs to be needed , and I am the opposite which is a bit challenging At times. I'm the only dil of 4 who hasnt changed her name, has gone back to full time work, and doesn't treat football like a religion ... She thinks the light shines out of my dh, while I think all of his major faults are due to her parenting/ spoiling so that is another challenge!

[KrissyKringlefromCandyCaneLane]

SMIL is amazing and I want to be like her when I grow up.

MIL is....interesting. She's basically harmless but doesn't think before she speaks and struggles to understand things so tends to unintentionally offend.

For instance, I am adopted, my siblings are not. She actually asked my Mum if she loves my siblings more than me because I'm not 'hers'.
From anyone else I would have found this really upsetting but I know she didn't mean the way it came out.

We get on well, she's not overbearing and has never criticised my parenting (not to my face anyway!) but I don't think she entirely 'gets' me.

SFIL is a twat and both DH and I think that MIL is far too good for him. He's got an inferiority complex and isn't the easiest person to get on with so I tend to just smile and nod.

[Dutch1e]

I guess i'm a bad DIL too. I'm foreign and refuse to dedicate all my time to learning the language, I'm outspoken, and just a bit weird (we like to live in other countries and the kiddo is home schooled which is alien here, as is mildly crunchy parenting which suits our family but is considered extremely suspect).

My poor MIL really has no idea how to answer questions from other people about why we live the way we do. But she tries! Oh she tries! And I love her to bits for doing her utmost to understand our weirdness and learning how to stop feeling like she should justify anything to anyone.

She's even stepping down from her matriarchal role after basically raising a brood of younger siblings as a child herself, parenting her own parents and being the driving force in her children's lives.

After having to go NC years ago with my dangerous mum it's a lovely thing to be in a family who don't always agree but always accept.

I've learned a lot from her about how to meet halfway with people who have a good heart and truly want to find a middle ground.

wow long post sorry. Short version: some of us like our MIL even when we're very different and a bad DIL

[Namejustfornappies]

Oh yes gransnet is interesting - there's a couple of threads on there about me from my DM. I don't go and search them out any more as its a bit like eavesdropping - never hear anything good.

[Dutch1e]

UnbornMortificadoAtChristmas

I can see it now from ex-mil

My dil assaulted me. It was over nothing my DGS didn't need the clothes dil had bought as he was dead. Maybe selling them before the funeral was a bit premature but I really needed a week in Blackpool after all the stress.

She actually says this to people hmm

There are very few things I find genuinely shocking but this is one of them. It's not really done on MN to admit getting a bit teary so just and

[1horatio]

pklme

That's really sweet of you. :)!

thumb
Interesting. I bet there is a thread about me somewhere... but then again, I have 3nthreads on MIL...

[pklme]

I came on to assure any future DiLs out there that I'd be a good MiL if they would only please take an interest in my DSs... But it's seems things have moved on. Oh well.