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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To start a DIL bashing thread?

150 replies

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 01/01/2017 20:24

No it's not really! But a threat inspired by a thread. This MIL one is quite enjoyable: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2816733-Aibu-to-think-this-about-MILs?pg=1&order=

Any MILs who care to share their perspective on the relationship? Why do you think DILs are so difficult? Is this a thing?

OP posts:
ollieplimsoles · 01/01/2017 22:00

The most valuable lesson she has taught me is how not to raise a child, if I do literally everything she didn't do, dd will probably be prime minister one day.

I also painted her in a good light on my last post, Shes done way more stuff than what I wrote about.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/01/2017 22:03

Don't know about DIL thread. What about bad daughter thread?!! I'd be up there as the study case. Being a person in my own right being the issue, wearing scapegoat badge .

My mil died before dh and I were married. She liked me. Hated dhs ex. Very opinionated lady, who didn't mince her words. Im sure we would have had our moments. But I'd love her to have met dd as she was a warm and loving person. Don't think my fil thinks about such things. He has some autistic tendencies but never diagnosed and 80 now. I have been a PIA making him buy stuff for himself like a functioning kitchen, a mattress and sofa with no holes in them etc. And it was an effing nightmare being faced with a man, who is as stubborn as mule, because of course, they're's nothing wrong with living with a broken kitchen and a piece of cut off hose pipe as a replacement tap. Wink

So bad dil, good dil. Who knows? Just muddling through.....

PaulDacresConscience · 01/01/2017 22:04

I was a good DIL (MIL now sadly passed). However it was easy for be to be a good DIL as she was a great MIL - very hands off, easy to get on with, always happy to offer advice/an opinion but only if she was sure I wanted to hear it. She did a great line in being like the Swiss - completely neutral!! Consequently I got on with her very well and spent time with her independently of DH.

She was a lovely lady and I miss her very much and was very upset when she died. I often think of her; little things that remind me of her. I found her easier to talk to than my own Mum TBH. Feeling a bit weepy now, so am going to stop before I start bawling.

Eevee77 · 01/01/2017 22:06

I'm a wonderful DIL Grin my SIL on the other hand....she could well have started some of the MIL bashing threads. MIL is actually great.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/01/2017 22:07

Omg they're's. THERE'S. Grammar failure.

Teddy1970 · 01/01/2017 22:07

Blimey ollie that's really bad! I suspect I'm ok-ish as a DIL but I'm sure it grated on MIL that I didn't attempt potty training my babies at 10 months old like she did, we almost fell out about it, she kept making digs about hating seeing older children in nappies, and it also probably annoys her that I'm not DHs slave...

Vixxfacee · 01/01/2017 22:08

I am a terrible dil, not only did I refuse a Muslim wedding but I stand up for myself against her racist, childish ways. She also would like to just pop over when she wants rather than having to call first.

CharlieSierra · 01/01/2017 22:08

and yet ollieplimsoles she managed to raise a son you deemed worthy of marrying and fathering your children, despite doing everything wrong?

Did your own mother find out you were pregnant the same day as everyone else?

Blossomdeary · 01/01/2017 22:08

I'm a MIL - but only have SILs as I had daughters.

I have to say that it is hard to begin with, sending these dear dear children (to whom you have devoted a huge chunk of your life) off into the "clutches" of lads you do not know in the slightest.

But in the end you have to trust your own children to make the right decisons for them.

TheMrsD · 01/01/2017 22:09

I would be a great DIL if I wore a shit load of make up, slagged everyone off and make up things about people. Oh, and bleached the patio.

YouTheCat · 01/01/2017 22:10

Oh come on, Ollie! That's not even half of it. What about her using her hospital contacts to try to gain access to your medical records? She's a very special kind of mil.

GreenShadow · 01/01/2017 22:11

I've often thought that I ought to start a thread on here about how I sometimes feel guilty for being a pretty crap DiL.
MiL deserves far better than me (and her other DiL tbh).

I'm not nasty or anything, just not what she would have chosen for a DiL - not very outgoing or affectionate, never know what to say to her etc. She is super-intelligent and (for want of a better phrase) of a higher social standing than me. I guess I probably have always felt quite inadequate. She never says or shows any of this, and is always complimentary and very nice. I wish I was more grateful for having such a decent MiL...

Chelazla · 01/01/2017 22:11

I'm a nice dil, sent my kids to pre school my mil wanted as dh went there, let them constantly stick their nose in etc. I think at least they care and love kids! They have them whilst we work and if we want to go out on occasion. Plus she has all boys is not a good dil wants all the perks with none of the compromise!

youarenotkiddingme · 01/01/2017 22:11

I'm a great (ex) DIL.

I've raised XMIL dgs for 10 years single handedly with no financial, physical or moral support from her Ds whilst putting myself through uni and working.

She's so greatful that since the day I told them he's been dx with asd they cut contact.

I was also the great dil who picked her younger Ds up from school daily and fed him whilst she started her own business. And accepted she was too busy to return the favour.

SeptemberEnds · 01/01/2017 22:11

If you asked my MIL she would say ...

I am the DIL who forced her and FIL out of their home of 40 years when she had cancer, so I could live there myself with DP. They had to move their entire life from a large 6 bedroom house to a 2 bedroom bungalow with little notice and no time to pack properly at my instigation.

During this time I was rude and uncommunicative. I made things unnecessarily awkward and difficult

I then banned her and FIL from ever setting foot inside the house again. Even though lots of their belongings are still here because I didn't give them enough time to sort through them.

I would say... I can completely see how that version of events looks plausible from the outside and seems real to PIL and it makes me realise how there are always two sides to every story even if one or both of the parties feel the other is being extremely unreasonable.

I actually quite like my MIL, I'm genuinely sad that a very specific set of circumstances completely out of my control and largely out of her control have probably permanently damaged our relationship, which was previously very good. I'm trying hard to build bridges but it's difficult when she feels so wronged.

gladysorglynis · 01/01/2017 22:11

I am the fucking epitome of bad DIL's. My MIL thinks that my calling the police when I discovered my disgusting FIL had been looking at possible child pornography on my laptop was 'what I wanted'
She blames me for the fact her son now wishes to have nothing to do with his parents and for protecting both my dc and step dc from the dirty bastard.
She's actually said in front of step dc (to their mother who's equally as much of a fuckwit as her) that 'its all Gladys' fault and none of this would have happened if he hadn't have married her' Hmm

Cocolepew · 01/01/2017 22:14

I'm a terrible DIL.
I never thanked Mil for letting herself into my flat and rearranging EVERYTHING while I was on holiday.

I never stopped the wedding ceremony when she said in the middle of it she wished it was rather her sons funeral.
I selfishly got upset after waking up from a D&C after my first miscarriage to see her sitting there and to be told that she was glad it had happened because me and DH hardly knew each other.
I also had the gall to have an argument with her after she told people I had died when pregnant.
I'm such a bitch. Poor put upon Mil.

TheMrsD · 01/01/2017 22:20

Cocolpew! Flowers Bloody hell! Angry

fallenempires · 01/01/2017 22:22

Oh bugger! Was hoping that this thread was started by my XMIL as I know what pages of support I'd receive!Grin I do have a lovely one now tho thank goodness!

namechange102 · 01/01/2017 22:26

For some reason (which DH hasn't explained) FIL seems to have hated me from the start. DH works away a lot of the time (for months on end) and I was told I was lazy when I finally had enough of my time consuming and stressful job a few months after going back now after mat leave with second child. Despite the fact I still have a second (albeit irregular) job, his wife didn't work for at least 10 years, and they wouldn't help with even a days work related childcare. (My parents were too far away.)
I'm such a crap lazy DIL (always been polite and made an effort to get on tho) that I'm glad we've moved far enough away so that they no longer have to put themselves out and visit to be polite Grin.

Rockandrollwithit · 01/01/2017 22:30

I'm not a good DIL.

PILs come from a large, loud family where everyone lives 5 mins from each other and pop in to each other's houses daily. I am quiet and private and encouraged DH to move 30 mins away from the rest of them.

I'm quite sure they blame me for them not seeing DS enough, even though they see him weekly. They also think I am a snob as I work in a professional role (even though DH does too).

I endure their visits but we just have anything in common. It doesn't help that you invite PILs around and at least 5 other relatives turn up with them 😐

LockedOutOfMN · 01/01/2017 22:30

MIL is hilarious. I love her! We get on fine, help each other out, enjoy each other's company, but don't live in each others' pockets.

Last night, she showed me a photo of two of her sister-in-law's daughters-in-law (i.e. my husband's cousins' wives) who are both pregnant. They live abroad and I've never met them. As she showed me the photo, she kept shouting, "It's disgusting." I had no idea what she meant - it was a photo of two pregnant women - so just smiled and nodded (her language is my fourth language so sometimes I don't fully understand her - part of the reason we get on so well may be that we don't have a clue what the other is saying). Then my father-in-law came over and saw the photo and asked, "Why is it disgusting?" and she explained that she finds pregnant women wearing tight clothing that clings to their bumps repulsive. Literally never heard her say this before. She is completely mad.

1horatio · 01/01/2017 22:32

ollie

That made me snort. MIL is also against breastfeeding.

And she called me fat yesterday. Sometimes I really just want to open up her skull to see what's going on. Not in a violent way, just in a 'why?!!!!' way.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/01/2017 22:32

Teddy1970

My mother was exactly the same about potty training. Apparently it's so easy to sit a baby on a potty just after eating pretty much from the word go.

IfYouDontImagineNothingHappens · 01/01/2017 22:32

Ollie yes to that ConfusedHmm I could have written most of your post.