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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how much time you spend together as a family?

33 replies

ShowMePotatoSalad · 01/01/2017 10:59

Do you generally get some downtime with your family, and if so, how much?

Even on New Year's Day, we've got so many jobs to do. Decorating, cleaning, putting up a new stair gate, blah blah blah. We probably won't get 5 minutes together until later tonight. Do other people actually just chill out with their families or is it once in a blue moon?

OP posts:

Lilaclily · 01/01/2017 11:01

It's rare that all 4 of us chill out together
So Sundays I work and dh will watch a movie with both dcs

Saturdays he works and I'll watch TV with them

Is that the sort of thing you mean ? We don't really play board games , we rarely all go out together unless it's for a meal in a rare day off we all have together

Dizzywizz · 01/01/2017 11:02

I am trying to make sure we do have down time. Inam certainly guilty of having the 'to do' list and hassling dh to do his things, which I know pisses him off.

Try scheduling a movie afternoon with popcorn, or saying you will stay in pjs until after brunch maybe?

ChapstickLegends · 01/01/2017 11:03

Our children are 4 and 6, the four of us are always together in our little house driving each other mad but not usually just relaxing IYSWIM. Our house is so small though that even if someone's in the next room they don't miss much.

Dizzywizz · 01/01/2017 11:03

We also take the dog out, play in the park eyc

Original poster

ShowMePotatoSalad · 01/01/2017 11:04

Yeah, so more the amount of time you spend in each other's company as opposed to activities (though it would be interesting to hear what activities people do with their families).

OP posts:

kitnkaboodle · 01/01/2017 11:05

We chill out together over the Christmas break. Deliberately try to get the sort of jobs you're describing out of the way beforehand. Or can they not wait til next week/weekend?? By this point it can be getting a bit strained, but we do try to 'divide and conquer' a bit and split up into 2s and 3s to do separate things, coming together again early evening.
The thought of back to school in two days makes me . Can't you put off your jobs and do a day out/games/film/whatever today? What's the worst that can happen?

Original poster

ShowMePotatoSalad · 01/01/2017 11:06

I feel like we are just taking it in turns - one of us will look after DS while the other person gets jobs done, then we'll swap. so recently it feels like we are never together as a family.

OP posts:

Artandco · 01/01/2017 11:06

Mine are 5 and 6. Quite a lot of time as family . Mon-fri 6.30-9pm is dinner and time together as family. Weekends we spend most the weekends together. Any jobs at home would usually be done together, it's a rented flat so no major work or decorating ever done by us.

Original poster

ShowMePotatoSalad · 01/01/2017 11:09

kit these are jobs we've been putting off for ages lol. We have started decorating DS's room and I don't want to leave it half finished. DH started fitting a stair gate last night but it got too late so that needs finishing too. We've agreed that tomorrow we'll make time together even if it's just for a couple of hours. It just feels like a never ending cycle of work.

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cheekyfunkymonkey · 01/01/2017 11:09

Most of our time I would say. Cash not really there for '' this Christmas so lots of house stuff, hanging out, playdoh, games TV together. It's going to be a shock to the system when school and work re start!

dollywobbles · 01/01/2017 11:10

In a typical weekend we probably spend about 4 hours not all together. DH and DS will go swimming for a couple of hours and I'll go swimming for an hour or so (I don't swim at the same place. Can't tempt them to jump into the freezing cold lake I go to!)
Other than that, we go out a lot: museums, stately homes, anything DS is going to be interested in.
I have a lot of time off in the week though so I tend to have done all the boring jobs by the weekend.

kitnkaboodle · 01/01/2017 11:14

Showme - sounds like your ds is young. Our dc are teens, so it's different. One good way to break the cycle of jobs is just to get out of the house, I think. Money can be a issue in January, but walks, parks, cafe, some cheap cinema deals, shopping centre to spend Christmas money/tokens. Even a couple of hours - nobody does whole days unless you're away on holiday ..

rosewineisgreat · 01/01/2017 11:15

Not enough. I work Mon-Fri. DP works Wed-Sun. So generally we don't have any days off together.

Ragwort · 01/01/2017 11:16

Too Much - DH works from home, I work part time, only one child - seems like we are on top of each other all the time; for the last seven evenings we have been stuck in together ............. I haven't felt 100% so haven't felt like going out but wish my DH would just go out so I can have some time to myself .

We are currently decorating/decluttering together - joy wish I was at work.

Original poster

ShowMePotatoSalad · 01/01/2017 11:17

DS is 14 months. It will probably be very different when he's older. At what age can kids start painting walls?!

I'm looking forward to having more family time - it's precious. I don't want to end up regretting not having found more time to all be together.

DH is going to take DS out today and I'm going to carry on with decorating. That way we will be able to relax tomorrow, all together.

Then DH will take Wednesday off work to finish DS's bedroom. Stair gate being finished tonight before DS goes to bed.

OP posts:

Original poster

ShowMePotatoSalad · 01/01/2017 11:28

rosewine that sounds pretty tough. I'm thinking I should be grateful that we do at least get some time together

OP posts:

mumontherun14 · 01/01/2017 11:49

My hubby works over Christmas and New Yr so time together is precious. This year he took 2 days off in between and we went shopping with our kids (12 and 9) and then out for lunch. He also offered to take them to carnival but DD didnt want to go so she went to cinema instead with her cousins. We've had family staying so had a few meals in peoples houses and our all together and one night we played a boardgame together just the 4 of us which was lovely and funny for a while but ended up in a fight and tears between the DC.....it's so hard to get time together and then when you do there is pressure for everyone to have a good time and not everyone wants to do the same thing.....We had some decorating etc too to do but tried to get it done over the weekends in Dec before the school hols which was a bit of a mad rush cos kids both had tummy bug and I was trying to do xmas shopping.....If there is any chores etc you could put off till the weekends in Jan I would do that now and enjoy some time together watching films and going to the park or for luch and walks...these holidays pass too quickly and everyone needs a bit of a rest xxx

Artandco · 01/01/2017 11:56

At 14months they can't do so much, but I would do stuff with them around rather than waiting until in bed. Ie stair gate, at 14 months they can 'help' buy being allowed to hold screw driver and pass over, then pretend have a go once it's fixed. Small things. But that's 15 mins child is occupied alongside parent and saves 15mins later in evening when you can have time with Dh. Times that by a few things and you can gain an hour every evening to relax.

Decorating, can you do a mixture? Instead of one of you taking son out all day alone and one painting all day alone, do setting up and wall prep like masking taping off for an hour together with baby playing nearby, then take a few hours out together. When back out baby for nap and start painting together. Then after nap one of you take baby out a few hours. That way you get the setting up and 1-2 hrs painting done quicker as two of you helping. Plus time out together, then just a few hours you split up to take baby out away from paint.

Also consider a large playpen for baby. This is one time they can be handy. Get a large folding one and you can put up and baby on an hour at a time if you are doing something in room that's a bit dangerous for them to crawl through like sawing or using electric tools. Baby in, with toys otherside of room. Turn some music on. Sounds small, but an hour a day would be an extra 7hrs a week you get stuff done with baby around, freeing up that time elsewhere to spend together

crazywriter · 01/01/2017 11:57

We used to be workaholics and barely spend time together. It started to break us apart and resent everything else. So we made a change. Now we have Sundays together and most Saturdays. We also have a no phone rule for dinner, so we can all sit down and eat without distractions and talk about the day. Out girls as 4y and 11ms and they crave attention from us.

HermioneJeanGranger · 01/01/2017 12:22

No DC but we get about 2-3 evenings during the week and both weekend evenings. I work shifts but if my days off fall at the weekend we get those together too. If my days off fall during the week, then it's less but I like my own space (as does he) so it works really well.

On the evenings we're not together, we see friends or our families, do hobbies or just chill on our own.

Bobochic · 01/01/2017 12:26

The DSSs are away at university now and mostly work during the holidays, so we don't spend masses of time as a family of five anymore. DD, DP and I spend a lot of time together!

stillwantrachelshair · 01/01/2017 12:48

We did a lot of "tag team" work when the DC were little with one of us parenting and the other parent doing other chores. It is so much easier now they're older (7 & 4) as the DC will go off & play by themselves - and want to do that - so we can get on with chores whilst they're doing that or just do our own thing (provided it's at home!) and then we'll spend some time all together doing something. We'll probably spend a few hours playing board games this afternoon having not really had much to do with the children this morning as they have been "too busy" to speak to me let alone tolerate my suggestions of what we do.

Ragwort · 01/01/2017 12:51

Tend to agree with Mum - it can sometimes feel as though 'family time' is rather enforced and not always the happy image that you think it will be. We have a teenager now and trying to find anything to do/watch/eat that we all enjoy is almost impossible . Personally I love sitting down to play a board game or cards but we can rarely find one we all like ............... none of us likes the same sort of tv or films. I am happy being on my own. .

NickyEds · 01/01/2017 14:17

We spend all day Saturday and Sunday together normally. We tend to get most jobs done during the week so weekends are free. At weekends we generally like to be out so will set off walking somewhere at 9 ish and return home at 5-5.30 or a bit later if we get the kids tea out. Our dc are still quite young and go to bed at 7.30 so 4 or 5 nights a week dp and I spend time together in the evening (I do slimming world one night and go out another and dp often has one evening out a week).

In the nicest possible way, are you and your dh faffers? I'm not insinuating that you are but we know a couple who are always on about not having enough time to do anything and it's all down to faffing!! They never just set to and get on with anything!

arethereanyleftatall · 01/01/2017 14:22

Whatever else happens in the week, most Sundays from 2pm -6pm our little family of 4 is gathered together on the sofa. Reading, chatting, tv, phone, eating chocolate. Always cuddling, any combination. I bloody love it.

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