AIBU to be sad about DS's GF?

[tripletrouble]

He is 16 and has a girlfriend for the first time. She is lovely, and he is happy- but I miss him! He is staying over at her place for New Years Eve- the first time he has not been home for NYE. I want to be happy for him, but cannot help thinking of the old rhyme - a daughter is your daughter all your life, your son is your son till he takes a wife. I do not want to be one of those MIL everyone hates, but we miss him and so do his sisters, and the house is very quiet without him! Any Mumsnet words of wisdom?

From 16 I was never home for new year. This year is the first year I will be home for new year but I am 33 and it is my own house.

Please take Worra's advice

Poor op! Thought she'd get a bit of support....! I 100% agree the number of Aibu u see about mil compared to mothers must mean something!

Yes, it means that (apart from the fact most of those mothers are MILs anyway), most people only start a MIL thread if they have a problem.

'I love my MIL' would be a very boring subject if we all started thread about our lovely MILs.

That rhyme is such shit.

And as for "at least you have daughters" - out of the mouth of an idiot.

Fgs, pull yourself together woman! He's 16, he's net a girl, he's happy. He'll always be your son and if you start thinking the way you're thinking you'll end up being the MIL from hell. Go and have a glass of something and HNY!

It's a strange transition phase OP. We've had one or other of our two out at New Year for the last three years. And it was hard at first, but you learn to adjust. This year both are out- DS (19) out in town with friends and won't be home until tomorrow afternoon. DD (21) is away in Thailand, just sending me pictures of her and her boyfriend on a river cruise, looking like she's bursting with happiness. DH and I locked the door at noon when DS went out. We've eaten loads of nibbles, drunk a very expensive bottle of red wine and planned 2017! Be proud he's grown up and is developing his own life!

I have a 16 year old daughter and no boy is sleeping over at our house just yet. Too soon!
As for advice- I don't think you'll lose your son. Have a glass of wine and enjoy the peace. He will be back if he wants a mum cooked dinner or washing done.

I have a bored 15yr old if you wana borrow, can chuck in a miserable 12yr old ds too

just kidding, your family bond sounds amazing. his sisters are missing him? how id love to hear that in this house. you have raised your dc's well and your sons dp should be happy to have you as a mil

I'm a daughter

I was a daughter until I got my husband

I mean I'm still my mums child, but I certainly don't see her like I used to

Because I grew up and moved out the home and had my own children

Regarding that rhyme - it's bollox! My DH is absolutely devoted to his mother & at times I feel his lesser priority. Luckily she's lovely & I don't begrudge her his attention! She is wonderful to me & has always made me welcome & feel supported which makes all the difference.

That mantra thing you're on about is rubbish.

^^ Indeed! couldn't not reply because of my username!

I agree with Worra about the punching.

I think the rhyme is rubbish.

That's dead cute though the first new years Eve spent with your boyfriend/girlfriend is lovely. I was 16 when I started going out with one of my best friends on New Years Eve. Today marks 6 years since we got together and we got married two weeks ago :)

Please, for your own good, realise that your child is doing what he needs to do which is grow up. That's your job- to bring him up to independence and let him do his thing. Otherwise you could be like one of the MIL on here constantly stepping on their DIL's toes and therefore not being as welcome in their lives as they really should be.

DS1 and his girlfriend spend more time here than they do at hers. I know because I've actively tried to get them to go out somewhere tonight but they said they like it here. And DS1's girlfriend really likes me and DP for some reason - god knows why!

But I'm happy for them really.

I moved out at 20 and spent at least every other weekend at home, mooching around with my parents. I met my husband at 22, and now I see my parents four times a year.

Your rhyme is nonsense

Change is part of life, isn't it. It might be difficult to adjust, but look for the positives and be welcoming so they'll want to spend time in your company.

FWIW I spend a lot more time with my mother in law than I do with my mum. She made me feel so welcome and loved from day one, that I now feel she and I are almost as close as she and her son.

I do understand though. x

I have 2 DDs and when they were 16 they both went out on NNE. I felt a bit sad that things were changing but also happy that they had a lovley group of fronds to spend time with.

It has nothing to do with being a son or a daughter or with having a boy/girl friend. They are just growing up

DS was 2 yesterday and I am 23 weeks pregnant with DD. DS will not be leaving home ever. He is staying with me. DH is laready muttering about DD and him interviewing any possible boyfriends - who will never be staying over.

It's all good. Be happy
Happy New Year!

I have a bored 15yr old if you wana borrow, can chuck in a miserable 12yr old ds too

This made me laugh ^
I still have a long way until mine are tweens/teens.

It's a big transition which will, naturally, take time for you to adjust to.

But it's a wonderful transition too. Everything is happening as it should. He's maturing, forming settled relationships with nice people and spreading his wings a bit. Lovely!

If it helps, think of the possible alternatives to this positive scenario (eg very unhappy and home but not through choice, mental health problems, special needs, I could go on).

Where you are all at is a blooming good place to be tbh, so be gentle with yourself as you adjust but don't forget to see it for the success it is.

Ovaries, that was lovely to read. Congratulations.

2 boys here - 24 and 27. 27 year old had just bought a house with his lovely girlfriend and hasn't yet not had Christmas dinner with us.
However he hasn't actually spent NY with us since he was 16. 24 year old moved out at 18 with a not so lovely GF - he didn't know we thought she wasn't so lovely 😜 We spent a fantastic Christmas in Australia with him and another girlfriend last year. He is now back in the UK without the GF though. Shame, as I bloody loved her.

I think we have gone full circle and are pretty close to both boys. They don't phone or text every day but they know we are here of they need us (or borrow my car) this is exactly as it should be and my job is done 😇

I do not want to be one of those MIL everyone hates

Try harder, seriously keep this to yourself around her, or she will pick up on it, this is how my mil started.

I've always got on extremely well with all my boyfriends' mothers, to the extent I still go and visit some of the mothers sometimes, despite the romantic relationship having ended. If you want your son to feel comfortable at home you need to welcome his girlfriend. The way to drive your son away is to be resentful towards his girlfriend. Be friendly and welcoming and you shouldn't lose him.