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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there is no way my baby will ever manage a Gina Ford routine?

313 replies

Aliveinwanderland · 30/12/2016 20:38

Someone recommended the Gina Ford book to me. Read it through and just laughed! There is no chance my 9 week old DS would manage that routine!

I am wanting to get him a little more structure after Christmas but according to Gina Ford he should be sleeping through from 10:30-7am by now. DS goes no longer than 3 hours between feeds and only feeds for 5-10 mins at a time. Gina says I should be doing 20 minutes on one breast and then 10 minutes on another- how on earth is someone suppose to force a baby take this much?

Gina Ford has gone back on the bookshelf never to be read again. But if anyone has any sensible advice about how to promote longer sleeping at night, or a good day time routine then please share!

OP posts:
GreenGinger2 · 31/12/2016 08:27

I found struggling with babies pre Gina incredibly damaging do there you go.

Enkopkaffetak · 31/12/2016 08:30

I used to work as a Breastfeeding counselor, when GF came up I always suggested that they also read 3 in a bed by Deborah Jackson. Not because I personally subscribe to either parenting method. However they are about as far from each other as any parenting strategy can be and I think if you read both of them, you come out feeling capable of parenting in a manner you are comfortable with yourself.

For some this will be GF or leaning in that direction. For others it will be DJ or leaning in that direction. IMO most of us parenting somewhere in the middle of the 2.

I have had many of the parents I saw later told me they were really pleased they had followed this advice. One mum said " it made me realise I could like with anything else I do decide how "I" wanted to tackle this and this made me a more confident parent"

LaurieMarlow · 31/12/2016 08:36

I found it easier to follow my baby's natural preferences in establishing a routine than use the GF timetable.

But, I object the idea that the long sleeping stretches are incompatible with bf babies. DS was ebf and sleeping 10-6.30 from 10 weeks. Depends on the child.

flumpybear · 31/12/2016 08:53

GF might work for some but I dont know anyone who followed her books - bar one person who took some
Tips but not others. We all got there in the end and all ended up having second babies ....

Dayatatime · 31/12/2016 09:09

The only person I ever knew who followed GF now has her life ruled by her children. Can't stay out with her kids past bed time, needs to be in a certain place for naps has to have set meal times of kids melt down (they're 2and4). Quite frankly you either have a sleeper or not my DS started STTN at 4! Nothing we did altered this. Sleep deprivation is shit. Just go with the flow and do what you need to. Co sleep (gave us the best sleep and stopped us going mad) offer a bottle of supplementary formula (worked for neice ) only you will be able to work out what's best for your baby, just don't do something because you feel you should be doing it. Concluded never listen to someone without a child about raising one, there's no such thing as a typical child, the only things that actually help are humour and alcohol. It's all a phase!

Original poster
Aliveinwanderland · 31/12/2016 09:48

I'm not good at getting DS to nap in the day time. He finds it difficult to self settle in the day despite being good at it at night.

I put him down at 9:15am this morning in his cot. Dark room, quiet etc. Half an hour later he is still laid awake kicking about and moaning. He isn't crying, just generally noises of displeasure! Sat stroking his head and he isn't nodding off. How long do I give him before I give in and take him out of the cot? If he doesn't nap he gets very cranky (he is a cranky baby anyway) so I do like him to sleep but he often only does it in the car or pram.

OP posts:
HarryTheFluff · 31/12/2016 09:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OFFFS · 31/12/2016 09:52

The thing is, babies don't come with a manual. Sometimes we need to be told how to do this. The contented baby book is a manual, and that is what some people need.

I used the book for DS1, no damage caused (in fact he's a very secure, loving 15 yo now). I didn't take to the book initially, had a quick read and thought it was garbage. Picked it up again and looked at it properly after I broke down in tears in the street from exhaustion. I needed help and this told me what to do.

I had 4 babies in 5 years, and we kind of stuck to the routine once it was in place. The eating/sleeping times stuck. It was very prescriptive and I didn't follow it to the letter.

Parenting by instinct is wonderful if you have confidence, one baby and support. But please don't put others off it if they are struggling. Just because some are against it doesn't mean it won't work for others, don't write it off.

HarryTheFluff · 31/12/2016 09:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheWrathFromHighAtopTheThing · 31/12/2016 09:59

My friend did GF with her son. He was napping at my house when suddenly it was his designated waking time. She stripped his clothes off and lay him on my cold kitchen floor to wake him up so that he'd stuck to the routine. Angry

She passed the book to me when DD was about 5 weeks old. Guess where it ended up...

LittleLionMansMummy · 31/12/2016 10:09

My early weeks with ds were ruined by GF and me trying to force him into a routine and getting stressed about it when it didn't work. Most babies can't self settle until 12 weeks anyway although of course there are exceptions. As soon as I ditched GF and was led by ds we were all infinitely happier. Ds fell into a routine soon enough and has always been an amazing sleeper (he's 6 now) despite me breaking all the rules and apparently making a rod for my own back. Dd is 5 weeks old and I'm being led by her this time as I refuse to have the precious newborn time stolen from me with stress again! Op, yanbu.

GreenGinger2 · 31/12/2016 10:11

Day not sure what you're talking about Gina certainly doesn't advocate napping at 4.

My DC dropped naps waaaaaay before that( no need as sleeping fab at night) and by 2 we'd long since moved on from any baby book. My 3 were happy with a big breakfast,big lunch at 12.30ish and tea at 5.30ish throughout their childhood. Not seeing the problem as it's pretty much what I like.

And as for stripping kids off and laying babies on cold floors,funnily enough although having 3 Gina babies I never once did that.Hmm

GreenGinger2 · 31/12/2016 10:12

And our early weeks were blighted by this baby will find it's own routine shite. Mine never did. It was hell.

CuppaSarah · 31/12/2016 10:23

My DD was born with some weird Gina Ford type routine going on. I was totally anti routine, but then she just did it all on her own. I reckon Gina Ford had babies like my DD so assumed they're all the same.

Original poster
Aliveinwanderland · 31/12/2016 10:27

Harry DS has always been put to bed awake at 7pm. White noise and dark bedroom and he falls asleep himself within half an hour with no crying. I sometimes have to pop back up to put his dummy back in if he is murmuring but he has always self settled well at night time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aliveinwanderland · 31/12/2016 10:29

Took 45 mins to get him to fall asleep for this nap. I sat with him and patted and he dropped off eventually. However 15 mins later he is awake again as he is hungry!

OP posts:
HelenF350 · 31/12/2016 10:30

I used the Gina Ford timings (not her methods, just the timings) from 3 months with breastfed ds and his sleep improved no end. He by no means slept through but he had proper naps (not the 10-20 min catnaps he had prior to that) and his nighttime sleep was also much improved.

MrsFinkelstein · 31/12/2016 10:31

My friend had the book and followed it (loosely) with both her children, I skimmed read it and (loosely) followed it with my twins.
It really helped and my 2 slept through the full night from around 12 weeks. It just focused me into getting into a routine - not specifically hers, but I tweaked it into a routine that worked for us.
Incidentally both myself and my friend breastfed, so it's not just for bottle fed babies.

JinnanTonik · 31/12/2016 10:43

I was a late baby to older parents, never around young children my steep learning curve as a parent happened when I threw all the 'books' out!

The one thing you can be assured of is once they are teenagers its waking them up that's the problem!

Keep doing what feels right for you, stuff the advice, the books, the 'experts' I bumbled through and have two beautiful, well adjusted, polite and gregarious adults now without ever taking on board 'expert' advice...Oh and they slept in OUR bed from birth! I tried for one night when eldest was born putting him in a cot, at 04.15 exhausted I picked him up, bought him in our bed and he slept, I slept, the cats slept, DH slept! Bliss! Second one never had a cot...straight in our bed next to his Dad and his bro (and two more cats by then) Even though as they got bigger and technically had their own beds we rarely woke up alone, occasionally I and/or DH would decamp to their beds if it got too warm/cluttered/uncomfortable.

I didn't have clockwork babies I had wonderful small people who could stay up late with guests without meltdown or adapt to a change in routine easily because they never had a routine, just a sort of loose framework!

What works for your child and what you feel happy with is totally right! Unfortunately when you get tired and stressed so do babies! You will get through it! I promise Flowers

justanotherusername0 · 31/12/2016 10:55

It's a baby not a machine ! No reason why they should follow GF

Dragongirl10 · 31/12/2016 10:56

shame so many think its fine to be so vicious, just because they don't agree with the opinions of a nanny who has written a book! It really doesn't matter if the kids are hers or not she is looking after them.

Comments like, evil ...really? just don't follow it if you don't believe its good for your family.

l had premature DD, very small, who slid effortlessly into a GF routine and was happier, fed and slept very well on it. ( at no point does GF say 9 wk olds should sleep through) mine did at 4 months though.

DS however did not settle into a routine easily so we just went with the flow, and by 12 months he was also napping/eating on a similar routine to D/D ( one yr apart)

With 2 a year apart, and a DH who was away working frequently, l was very happy to have two that were on predictable routines within a year, as l could get out and about, knew when they were going to need a feed, sleep, and that l could pop them down for 2 hours after lunch in 10 minutes and sleep myself, or get something else done....l loved the predictability.

We all do what is best for us and our babies, fury to another opinion is really not helpful.

areyoubeingserviced · 31/12/2016 11:04

I know someone who left her child's baptism party so that her one year old baby could get to sleep by 7pm. I was annoyed as I had a six month old dd and had driven over fifty miles to attend the baptism.

Gina Ford's book was her 'bible'

Lweji · 31/12/2016 11:09

I think a big part of the problem with GF is that 10 years ago, her book was billed almost as the ultimate advice and not just as another book. She was making a lot of money then. Suddenly, backlash from those who tried to follow her methods and they didn't work for them. As it can be seen from this thread, it led to some miserable mothers parents, particularly if they were sold the idea that it always worked exactly like she said.

The one thing you can be assured of is once they are teenagers its waking them up that's the problem!

This. My DS is 11 now and he's very difficult to wake up. He falls asleep immediately and he's the first to say he wants to sleep at night. But as a baby he'd wake up very easily and then it was a struggle to get him back to sleep. Particularly on his back. His favourite position was tummy down, with bum up in the air. He slept so much better when he started rolling over to the position he wanted.
He never slept much during the day, so forget a nap schedule, but he'd easily go 4 h between feeds.

Also, I think babies do behave different with their mums and other people. It might be easier for a nanny to settle into a routine than a mother.

Anyway, I agree with the advice of reading different books and do what suits your baby and your family best.

Chocwocdoodah · 31/12/2016 11:10

Must confess I've not read all the posts here but I agree, I thought GF was far too regimented. Another vote here for the Baby Whisperer which is much more about following your baby's cues to help get them in a natural routine rather than a schedule. The BW books saved my sanity!

Also would just like to say it's absolutely possible for a BF baby to sleep through the night. Please don't listen to people who say you HAVE to give them formula in order to get longer sleep. My 2 were both different but both were BF and DD slept through from 6 weeks and DS from 5 months. And there's no "set" amount of time a baby should be on the breast - some take aaaaages, some feed in a few mins. If they're content and happy afterwards, they've probably had enough. Good luck. X

JemimaMuddledUp · 31/12/2016 12:49

I think the one thing that this thread has shown is that everyone is different - both parents and babies!

I am someone who thrives on routine. So, as it turns out, is DS1 (he is now 14 and is still the same). Gina Ford's methods worked a treat for us. DS2 is less of a routine lover - still is aged 12. They didn't work so well with him so I took a slightly different tack with him. I was also more confident in my own instincts by then as he was my second child.

Was either way wrong? No. Did either way have any lasting effect on them? No. Does it matter if one set of parents choose to do things differently to another? Of course it doesn't.

Also worth remembering that 14-15 years ago when GF was popular most working mothers went back to work when their baby was 4 months old as you didn't get very much maternity leave. Routines were good as you needed sleep in order to function at work! Likewise, breast feeding past the first few months was a lot more of a challenge. We are living in very different times now.