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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to point out someone's dangerous parenting?

76 replies

Namechangeinto2017 · 29/12/2016 20:02

Saw someone on my Facebook wearing baby under their coat. Baby couldn't be seen in photo they'd captioned that baby was under the coat.

Commented on photo saying cute photo but if you're wearing baby they should be kissable and visable at all times and put a little link to a baby wearing website that has a good blog and some lovely weatherproof covers that might be better if they felt baby needed protection from the elements.

Now all the "your baby your rulz" huns have jumped on saying that it's fine and keep doing what you're doing hun and girl in question has posted about people being nasty about other people's parenting styles.

I never post anything mean, nasty or critical I'm happy to get on with parenting my little one my way and let others parent their way but i just felt it was so dangerous as baby is very tiny.

AIBU to point this out? Or should I just leave them to their potentially baby smothering ways next time?

< Prepares the flameproof clothing > Grin

OP posts:
BIgBagofJelly · 29/12/2016 20:04

YANBU. Personally if I was worried I'd probably try to write a really tactful message rather than posting publicly as it always makes people extra defensive. What you said was hardly that critical though.

ScarletSienna · 29/12/2016 20:06

YANBU. Hopefully she will read the link you sent.

ButtfaceMiscreant · 29/12/2016 20:06

I think you won't win those kind of battles hun Wink

But hopefully, away from the computer and keyboard warriors, she or another parent may think about what you have highlighted and change their practices. You can but hope (& also hope that, if they don't babywear safely, at least no harm comes to their child).

missyB1 · 29/12/2016 20:06

You were absolutely right but I think I would have messaged them privately. Mind you sounds like everyone has over reacted to your comments.

RougeSeas · 29/12/2016 20:06

Yanbu.. At all.. Not even a little bit. Moron

cheekyfunkymonkey · 29/12/2016 20:08

YANBU but I would have probably pm'd her rather than put it on a public forum

Christmascrackedit · 29/12/2016 20:09

Ugh, it is sooo annoying when people point out things that you are doing 'wrong'. I had, 'don't let your son play with bedroom door as he could chop his fingers off' last week. BUGGER OFF! (lets not open new discussion here....)

But. YANBU. I think you made a good point. It does do my head in when people don't baby-wear correctly. Or when people smoke near babies, or when nappies of babies aren't changed enough! I'm glad you had the guts to say something. It is annoying to hear criticism, but will put people off doing the wrong thing in the future....just have to bear the brunt of it! She won't be wearing baby so low again!

whyohwhy000 · 29/12/2016 20:09

I really hate the "ur bubba ur rulz hun" philosophy which many parents seem to believe in. I don't know if they are just ignorant or whether they have a fear of being criticised.

Christmascrackedit · 29/12/2016 20:10

Saying something isn't a criticism, it is just caring for the baby's safety. (Something all mums including myself should consider when receiving un-requested advice!)

DearMrDilkington · 29/12/2016 20:12

Yanbu but you should have messaged her privately as it'll come across the wrong way publicly.

Liara · 29/12/2016 20:12

I don't think you can tell from a photo on FB whether the baby is safe or not, and frankly you probably came across as a know-it-all.

If you really must 'teach' other people how to parent their children, at least do it in a tactful way.

Etak15 · 29/12/2016 20:14

Yanbu if you saw something that is potentially dangerous of course you would feel obliged to point it out. If you'd not said anything and the worst happened you would never have forgiven yourself.

haveacupoftea · 29/12/2016 20:15

I would probably just send a PM saying you didnt mean to criticize and just trying to help etc, the hide the whole thing and ignore it.

welshweasel · 29/12/2016 20:17

I feel the same about babies in snow suits/coats in car seats and young babies forward facing in cars. It's really difficult. I often post stuff on Facebook highlighting these sorts of issues in a generic way rather than what can be perceived as a personal attack

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 29/12/2016 20:17

In general I don't like to critisise other peoples parenting but I make an exception for very clear and obvious dangers like this.
Its in the same ball park as pointing out a kids "flu" looks like menegitis. Something potentially life threatening that the parents need to know about straight away.
That said, it must have got her back up to have the comment made in public. I would have PMed her.

Wolverbamptonwanderer · 29/12/2016 20:18

Yabu. I can't stand this entitled "correcting" parenting based on FB photos and posts. She posted a cute picture and you told her she was using her sling incorrectly and provided a link? Rude and patronising and she's probably humiliated.

ChocolateCakeandSprinkles · 29/12/2016 20:20

Although your intention was good, going about it publicly was probably a really bad idea.

A tactful message, such as hey i saw you are breast-feeding too. I used this website for advice and support when I was, just thought I'd pass it along!

Would have gone down much better!

Trifleorbust · 29/12/2016 20:21

It's not really your place, is it? PM would be the only reasonable way to make this point.

NoCapes · 29/12/2016 20:23

ChristmasCrackedIt normally I'd agree with your bugger off, but at the end of November my 1 year old genuinely did have half a thumb chopped off in a door - I have been telling everyone that'll listen because I genuinely didn't think that would or could ever happen, just would never have thought a whole digit could be so fragile

I've done exactly what you said you hate haven't I Blush sorry

icelollycraving · 29/12/2016 20:28

I remember sending a pic of ds when he was around a week old to some friends. I was v low, in hospital without him & v unwell. I thought I'd get texts replying that he was sweet. The first was from a friend telling me the seat belt on the car seat wasn't positioned properly. We'd relaxed the harness as he was on the floor in my hospital room, but it really dented my confidence.
It's a tricky one. I'd not post something public but would send a pm saying the usual chitchat & that you are on some baby wearing (is that the term?! I never did it, ds was a whopper) forums & some links.

thatshowasuperherolearnstofly · 29/12/2016 20:29

YABU for using the term babywearing.

ScreechingWeasel · 29/12/2016 20:32

It wasn't the place to criticise. Not surprised you got shot down.

EB123 · 29/12/2016 20:33

YANBU

I would never usually comment on someones parenting and am far from the perfect parent but if I see something dangerous I would never forgive myself if something happened and I didn't say anything. I have only done it once(to do with safe sleeping) i was tactful as i could be and the person was very greatful.

Original poster
Namechangeinto2017 · 29/12/2016 20:39

I see that a PM would have been a bit more tactful so I'll take that on board.

nocapes I wouldn't have even considered that could happen! Hope your little one is ok Shock

OP posts:
mygorgeousmilo · 29/12/2016 20:42

Can just imagine the comments.... "Hun your little mans mummy so you suffocate your bubz all you want babes"

When I was a new mum in ancient times I genuinely believe I would have accepted, and been grateful for, such important advice. A newborn in a sling or wrap is always a bit of a learning curve, and I can't believe anyone is immediately confident in their method in the first few goes. Not researching it, and refusing to listen to others on the subject, is pretty outrageous to be frank. By all means people should parent in their own way, but an informed decision surely is essential, safety-wise.