AIBU... MIL and Chocolate!

[Stardust1901]

I've name changed as this is possibly outing.

I'm pretty annoyed but don't know how to approach this.

Yesterday MIL babysat for us so DP and I could go out for a bit. Lovely! We are very grateful.

However once we get back and MIL leaves, I start to tidy up. MIL has given my baby (5months) half a bar of chocolate. She didn't ask if it was ok or anything, I'm quite annoyed.

I'm not one of those who believes 'she babysat for you so just be grateful' but I don't know how to approach it and tell MIL that I'm not happy without coming across as ungrateful.

MN is a strange place sometimes. People are happy to shrug off a very young baby being given chocolate, but posting about putting it in a 9 yo's lunchbox (as mint said) would elicit responses about how that was way out of line and said lunchbox should instead contain steamed fish and green salad only.

Good that your DP has taken that line, OP.

Start as you mean to go on! You'll face this situation I expect in the future. Politely clear it up as fast as poss. My MIL didn't visit us or speak to me for a week after our baby was born as I told her not to pick him up at first hospital visit (he had just fallen asleep after hours screaming and I was knackered) ...Don't harbour small stuff...you are the boss :)

To me this is about boundaries and who is in charge.

sapphire love it :) my mum would find it heaven if she got the silent treatment.
I was going to come on and say.sheesh just talk to her.what is wrong with people and communication! can we not talk to eactoher nicely if weve done something we don't agree with. but then I read your respone OP and how then she responded and I thought on a different level but stil what is wrong with people! is this where we are with relationships with people.it scares and saddens me.
but also because this would be how it would be in our house.
"mum did you give her chocolate."
"yes"
"don't please"
"allright mard ass don't get all mother lion on me"
"listen shes my daughter"
look at eacohter frown,laugh.
the end.
and all of a sudden I feel very lucky indeed.

I remember when my youngest ds was tiny that dh's auntie, with us all sat in his mother's, started giving him chocolate buttons to suck on - I was annoyed because I didn't want him having chocolate that young but she was making me feel guilty that I wouldn't. He's 13 now and a complete sugar fanatic, always has been ... until not so long ago I could keep a lid on it, but now he gets a bit of money and goes to shops/friends on his own he has far too much ... I'd be annoyed too - she shouldn't have without asking you first I don't think

From a person who when she was 8 woke up every Sunday evening to find me alone in the house in charge of a five year old boy was bloody terrible. So anyone please do not think of leaving young children in the house alone as it is terrifying for them. Speaking from my own experiences.

Sorry about last post it is on the wrong thread

Your baby did NOT eat half a chocolate bar. MIL did and your baby was trying to grab it like babies do so she let the kid have a gnaw. Its not ideal but they probably got a diluted spit suck, once. I doubt it will damage the teeth and digestive system.

Saying that though my sister used to give my kid tomato sauce from her finger and I kept saying NO! One day I squirted the bottle into her face (sister not baby) she stopped and it was quite fun! (She saw the funny side and I am sure she was just feeding tomato sauce to get me annoyed!)

I'd be livid. Unfortunately that is exactly the sort of thing my mil would do and exactly the response she'd give if I questioned her actions. However, I would absolutely have a word with her every time she is out of line, mainly because I feel mils/mums should respect choices whether they like them or not. My mil and I frequently clash because of things like this. She is currently on the warpath because I'm still breastfeeding my 7month old and she thinks it's ridiculous. Not that it's any of her business!! Good on you for raising it with her and good on DH for supporting you.

When we were round at MIL's the other day I asked if she had a sippy cup I could put some water in for 8 month old DD2. She said she had (left there from when she used to babysit DD1) passed me the cup watched me put cooled boiled water in it then said "no juice, just water?" I couldn't believe I was having the conversation, especially after telling both sets of GP's no need for juice and no need for more than 1 or 2 pieces of chocolate that if DD1 ever needs a filling

Sorry said 8 month old just posted for me ...
ever needed a filling that they would be taking her to the dentist. My mum is terrible for chocolate and sweets and MIL got her on juice but then they help me out so much by having her when I go back to work. I know grandparents like to spoil their grandchildren but ruining their teeth and giving them sugar addiction is literally RUINING them!

I agree it's not ideal to give a baby chocolate.
I think you or your husband should speak to her about it in a calm way. I expect she'll be embarrassed. If she reacts badly then rethink her babysitting again. Maybe next time hide the sweet stuff? Good luck 🌹

Well done your DH.
She knew she had done something wrong/sneaky otherwise she would have proudly told you that your baby had chocolate when you picked them up, or said yes when you asked not covered it up.

I would rather never have a night out than expect to be grateful for them having one night baby sitting.

We used to babysit niece and nephew, not especially to give parents time off but because we genuinely enjoyed having them and it made our week.

BANG OUT OF ORDER! I would kick off if time!! Bloody cheek! Good luck!