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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU... MIL and Chocolate!

139 replies

Stardust1901 · 29/12/2016 11:39

I've name changed as this is possibly outing.

I'm pretty annoyed but don't know how to approach this.

Yesterday MIL babysat for us so DP and I could go out for a bit. Lovely! We are very grateful.

However once we get back and MIL leaves, I start to tidy up. MIL has given my baby (5months) half a bar of chocolate. She didn't ask if it was ok or anything, I'm quite annoyed.

I'm not one of those who believes 'she babysat for you so just be grateful' but I don't know how to approach it and tell MIL that I'm not happy without coming across as ungrateful.

OP posts:

MrsMerchant · 29/12/2016 23:02

At five months old it actually is harmful

asstnitoma · 30/12/2016 07:51

What's it going to do?!

addstudentdinners2 · 30/12/2016 08:03

It isn't unless the child is allergic mrs

Unless you believe all that pseudo science bullshit about "gut flora"

Hausfrau29 · 30/12/2016 08:09

YANBU.

I feel like people have got into a weaning debate here when it's nothing to do with weaning - everyone knows the advice, we're all adults and can make our own decisions when to wean. At 5 months, she may already be on solids.

However, I had this with my MIL trying to force food on my DD each week when she had her for a few hours. The reason I knew she'd succeeded was the horrendous filled nappy and rash which followed DD visiting her house one week. I was annoyed as she was 3 months old and MILs arguement was "Well, DH was weaned at that age, I don't see the problem". The problem is - not your baby, not your decision!

If OP had decided to give her child chocolate, that's her decision. It wasn't acceptable for her MIL to wait until they were out of the house AND not to mention it when they came back. It's like she wanted it to be her secret but also left evidence it had been done with a dirty bib/leftovers (or at least that's what happened with my MIL) and I feel like it's trying to get one up/make a point. Highly unlikely but what if the child had been allergic? I had to phone my MIL and ask outright what she'd given her as she wasn't well - feigned shock from MIL to start with that I thought she'd done that, followed by confessing she had! For gods sake, imo grandparents can feed them all the "crap" they like when they're old enough "as a treat" on the odd occasion but how hard is it to wait until they're actually old enough?!

DJBaggySmalls · 30/12/2016 08:14

If you put half a bar of chocolate in your childs lunchbox people would be flaming you for being irresponsible.
When someone is being a twat, actually its not a case of simple communication. You can say stuff til you are blue in the face, thats just you nagging and being unreasonable.

Its not ok to feed a 5 month baby chocolate, everyone here actually knows that. You can say something to her OP but it wont stop her because normal people just dont do this.

Ragwort · 30/12/2016 08:27

What utter over reaction by some of you - what real danger is this going to cause to your baby? I wonder how some of you would cope in really dangerous and stressful situation.

A few licks of chocolate is NOT going to cause life long damage to your PFB.

abbsisspartacus · 30/12/2016 08:33

My ex mil tried constantly to give ds chocolate he was lactose intolerant even now his dad gave him a shite load of milk yesterday despite knowing large amounts will make him ill

Some people have no understanding

Poole5 · 30/12/2016 09:22

OP has disappeared

mintmatchmakerz · 30/12/2016 10:25

Surely the point is that OP hasn't started weaning and so no solids should have been given to the baby? Don't know why people are even debating if it's harmful or not.

My MIL is similar in her desire to feed my kids sugary crap. I remember her saying to my 6 month old boy "not long until you'll be eating chocolate buttons" to which I replied "actually we don't want him having any chocolate until he's at least one" which she looked utterly deflated by. My eldest still isn't bothered about chocolate despite her best efforts! They mean well but I sometimes think do things like this for instant happiness in DC. It's a bit selfish really, they want to feel like they've made them happy so give them sweets and job done.

dollydaydream114 · 30/12/2016 10:33

YANBU to be annoyed, but a lot of the responses here are incredibly over-the-top and scaremongering. Yes, it's not ideal, but it's highly unlikely any actual harm has been done on this one occasion. Your baby hasn't been 'weaned', she's sucked on some chocolate, once. Totally get why you're annoyed, but it's not the end of the world so just move on and make sure it doesn't happen again - next time she babysits, ask her not to give the baby anything but milk because you're following your doctor's advice on weaning her. You could even tell a white lie and say that she's been having reflux or something and you've been told you definitely mustn't give her anything other than milk for a while - obviously it's bollocks but it will probably stave off a battle over who knows best.

Also - it sounds like your MIL might not actually have realised you weren't weaning the baby yet? If she put chocolate in her stocking, she presumably thinks that's something she's already having. So it sounds more like your MIL was just doing what she assumed was fine rather than deliberately undermining you.

Shortfatandangry · 30/12/2016 10:59

My 16 mo loves me to dip a finger in my wine so she can sook it....

1horatio · 30/12/2016 11:53

short

Wait, what? You're joking, right?

And if no, how did you realise that your DC loves this?

ILoveDolly · 30/12/2016 12:09

Just tell her you (and the rest of the modern world) think dd is too young for chocolate.
Don't be over dramatic, just say you're grateful she has been babysitting but it's not a neccessary food for under one's

Original poster

Stardust1901 · 30/12/2016 12:25

Hi everyone!

Sorry for not coming back sooner.

Just to clarify, DD has started weaning on some foods, baby rice, puréed fruit and veg. But she only has a couple of spoonfuls, once a day.

I know a lick of chocolate is unlikely to cause harm, but MIL should have ASKED one of us or at least told us afterwards!

I spoke to MIL yesterday and she denied giving DD any chocolate, I then asked how did it get on her bib then? MIL replied 'well she did have a few licks, but that's all'
I asked her very nicely that in future, to ask us before giving DD any foods. She agreed.

She then messaged DP saying how ungrateful we are and why does she need to ask permission to feed DD? She's her GM and won't do anything to harm her?!

I give up!

OP posts:

SapphireStrange · 30/12/2016 12:47

What did your DP say to her?

Newyearnewbrain · 30/12/2016 12:52

My MIL once liquidised a "hamwich" (one of those weird breaded Findus pancake type things) and fed it to six month old DD.

SHE LIQUIDISED A HAMWICH.

I've never got over that, though I did have to google what it was first.

TweedleDee3TweedleDum · 30/12/2016 14:41

OP, that's really unfortunate that mil has taken that approach. I can understand why she may feel defensive, but ultimately, as you say, she should have asked.

I hope mil sticks to the boundary you have put in place.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 30/12/2016 15:29

Why are you weaning pre-6 months? Was your baby prem and being cared for by a paediatrician? If not, then you're risking gut and kidney problems, as well as obesity later in life.

addstudentdinners2 · 30/12/2016 17:03

Oh bog off hedgehog, plenty of us born in the seventies and eighties were weaned as early as 8 weeks(!) and are neither obese nor have digestive problems.

More to the point, when did the op ask for your opinion on that subject?

judybloomno5 · 30/12/2016 17:04

So she lied and then admitted to it? Christ are you my sister? My mum IS EXACTLY the same. Lies, lies and lies.

She's proven she can't be trusted. Not only has she fed something inappropriate (because a lick or a tonne of it thats what it is), she's lied about it and thinks its her right to do it, now she's gone above you and gone to your DH. I hope your DH has enough spine to back you up but I suspect your DMIL will get a whiny about it. My DM would be all 'woe is me! How could you be so nasty to me? boo hoo hoo".

She wouldn't be babysitting my DC again.

OrdinaryGirl · 30/12/2016 17:29

My response to this post following DS1:
OMG this is awful! Virgin gut! Allergies! Eczema! How COULD she?

My response now following DC2&3:
OMG thank goodness it wasn't your chocolate! How lovely that you have a babysitter!

sleeponeday · 30/12/2016 17:45

Yeah, no. You don't feed anyone else's child food the parents wouldn't like. The fact she lied about it means she knew you weren't okay about it. That's not all right.

And I am not someone who bans chocolate for small kids, either. I just feel it's a basic respect issue.

Original poster

Stardust1901 · 30/12/2016 17:51

DP told MIL to stop feeling sorry for herself and just respect our decisions. I'm very proud of him!

We're now receiving the silent treatment

OP posts:

1horatio · 30/12/2016 18:10

Well, DP and you are both awesome 👍😉

SapphireStrange · 30/12/2016 18:12

We're now receiving the silent treatment

Heaven.

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