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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU... MIL and Chocolate!

139 replies

Stardust1901 · 29/12/2016 11:39

I've name changed as this is possibly outing.

I'm pretty annoyed but don't know how to approach this.

Yesterday MIL babysat for us so DP and I could go out for a bit. Lovely! We are very grateful.

However once we get back and MIL leaves, I start to tidy up. MIL has given my baby (5months) half a bar of chocolate. She didn't ask if it was ok or anything, I'm quite annoyed.

I'm not one of those who believes 'she babysat for you so just be grateful' but I don't know how to approach it and tell MIL that I'm not happy without coming across as ungrateful.

OP posts:
eddiemairswife · 29/12/2016 18:41

1962..introduce solids at 6 weeks. 1966...introduce solids at 3 months.

Blu · 29/12/2016 18:56

I had been given an ancient out of date Penelope Leach book on baby-raising which I really liked, and followed - and so accidentally weaned DS at 4 months - and even I knew that chocolate was not part of the weaning diet.

DS is a teen now and I am easily , easily of grandparent age, and very aware that chocolate is not for babies. Even if you have missed baby-care updates, no-one can have missed the current warnings against sugar.

Also, presumably your MIL was aware of how your baby is being fed?

"Thank you so much for babysitting, really appreciated, - but strictly no more chocolate until further notice!"

Blu · 29/12/2016 18:59

And, to some posters here: ageism isn't a good look.

80sMum · 29/12/2016 19:20

I have a book of household management that belonged to my great grandmother. It recommends that children should not be given normal food until they are 3 years old, but should only have milk and weak soup and other watery insubstantial stuff!

Advice changes! My DCs were weaned at 4 months, as was considered the optimum age at the time. My sisters and I were weaned at about 2 months, ditto.

JustDanceAddict · 29/12/2016 20:20

Wtaf? Who would do that, seriously. I remember PILs minding DD when she was less than a year, but had been weaned, and they gave her some cake in a cafe. I wasn't happy, but with choc at 5 months I would've been furious. You have to say that she cannot do that, v bad for baby, etc.

mrsgrey73 · 29/12/2016 20:23

If you're not happy about it talk to her. I wouldn't be happy if it was half a bar, plus you say she didn't ask first.. I definitely think it's a generational thing but it's no excuse imo

Patriciathestripper1 · 29/12/2016 20:24

My mil gave our DD a teaspoon of butter when she was 6months old Hmm
When questioned she said she just wanted her to taste something nice..... ?

theonlygeorgie · 29/12/2016 20:33

"Hi MIL, thanks again for babysitting the other day. Just wanted to check something, did you give the baby a chocolate bar?"
"Yes I did."
"Ah, I thought so. Thing is we haven't actually started weaning yet, and chocolate isn't an ideal first food, or really suitable for a baby at all. Please don't give it to the baby again."

Failing that ask your partner to talk to her, as it's his mother.

Mrscog · 29/12/2016 20:35

Given the babies age I would have a word, over a year I wouldn't over half a small bar of chocolate though. thinks of DS2 aged 20 months who has been pestering for gock gock all bloody christmas and who ate 10 of my chocolates when my back was turned!

haveacupoftea · 29/12/2016 20:42

Some of the hysterics on this thread Hmm

Next time she babysits, just say heres the formula for DD, havent any food for her as havent started weaning yet so dont be giving her any wee treats just yet please...hardly the end of the world.

AngryVagina · 29/12/2016 20:43

It was really silly of her as DD could have reacted - but she didn't and it was once so no need to dramatise it. Just tell her straight "DD isn't to have chocolate until [whatever age you deem appropriate], please don't give her it again. If DD needs fed while you're babysitting, I'll leave the food she is to have out for you/write down what she is to have."

newmumwithquestions · 29/12/2016 20:46

I'd be really angry.
I really don't get the constant fight with relatives and food. Mine are obsessed with trying to give DD sweet stuff. I wouldn't let DM feed DD custard when she was 6 months old. I got a lecture about how she needs things that taste nice so that she'll like food (she was happily eating what I was giving her).

DD is now 2 and has a pretty varied diet that includes little treats/some puddings etc. however I recently still got a lecture that she eats too many vegetables!

1horatio · 29/12/2016 20:48

new

Well, mine are obsessed with giving me sweet stuff 🙊

But luckily DH read several baby books, and articles and blogs and would never agree to anybody giving DD chocolate at her age...

ladylambkin · 29/12/2016 20:52

I think she ate it herself but maybe gave baby a wee taste of it, i dont think a baby could eat half a bar. Maybe just remind her you don't want your baby having chocolate at this time.

My oldest is 23 ..solids started at 12 weeks when he was little (in fact all of my children) none of them have allergies or food items they can't eat.

Justontherightsideofnormal · 29/12/2016 20:52

I totally agree with you I'd be really cross. In fact I'd be fu*king fuming seens as babies are not weaned until 6 months !!

CloudPerson · 29/12/2016 21:00

MIL did stuff like this, I was fuming at the time. Now, 10-16 years on its not an issue.
Obviously it's not ideal, but it's done now, if she babysits again be clear that she's not allowed chocolate.
(SIL weaned her DC on mushed up Mcdonalds and wotsits as finger food, her DC are irritatingly healthy so she's a great advocate of weaning on crap).

MyWineTime · 29/12/2016 21:23

I would be very annoyed, but things like this
it can damage her milk teeth, even the ones that haven't come through yet.
are slightly hysterical.

Tell her not to do it again and leave it at that.

RedCarandtheBlueCar · 29/12/2016 21:34

I would have gone fucking mental. Even if she decided it was time to wean baby (even though not her decision to make) what is wrong with her to think that chocolate is a suitable first food.

Lifeonthefarm · 29/12/2016 21:56

I think "fucking mental" is a touch strong.

Just say to her next time please don't feed XYZ as I don't want DC having that.

It's as simple as the above. Unless you have TOLD her, specifically, then in her defence she hasn't deliberately tried to decieve you.

Yanbu if she feeds your baby foods you have asked her not to.
Yabu to make a 'thing' out of this if you haven't even told her. Everyone's parenting is very different so you should be specific.

BigGrannyPants · 29/12/2016 22:18

At the end of the day you're her parent so you need to be able to tell someone when they have given or done something you don't agree with. It doesn't have to be a show down, just a polite please don't feed my baby chocolate

Unicorn1981 · 29/12/2016 22:24

Maybe she ate a bit then let your baby suck a bit. YANBU though. My mil gave my one year old kebab meat and it still turns my stomach. I don't speak to her any more though due to other reasons (every cloud...)

acsec · 29/12/2016 22:28

My MIL will be exactly the same! She's desperate to give 12 WEEK old DD water 'because she's thirsty'.

She woke her up at 9am the other morning when I expressly told her DD sleeps until 10.30/11am then wondered why she just cried for 20mins until I took her and got her back to sleep for another hour and half.

chelle87 · 29/12/2016 22:35

I'd be livid. Hate the constant battles over toddler food? I was so strict with what my son had and people just blatantly ignore it. My mil2b used to give him Binton and biscuits and then lie and said she hadn't. When he pointed to ribena one day in the shop, something we never had. I was furious. I used to send him with a packed lunch add still they'd fed him shit. Say it bothers you, ask that they don't or that they check either you. Especially at that age x

asstnitoma · 29/12/2016 22:42

I've found this quite amusing. 1, the baby would never have eaten half a bar of chocolate, unless they are fully weaned and confidently sulking/chewing food. 2, it's just chocolate. Okay, not ideal, but hardly something to start a war over!
If you're not in a confident enough position to just ask your MIL how much of the chocolate she ate and request she doesn't give it to them again, why are you trusting her with your baby? She obviously meant no harm and you're probably making it more of an issue in your head than it actually would be if you just spoke to her!

dailymaillazyjournos · 29/12/2016 22:51

IMO it's not a generational thing. It's about respecting your DCs and not taking unilateral decisions regarding what your DGCs eat. Age of weaning and suitable foods were very different when I had DD but if you are going to look after GCs I think it's important to brush up a bit on some of the latest advice re the basics and most importantly to ask your DCs what is ok to give DGC to eat and drink.

I'd tell your MIL you really appreciate her babysitting but to please not give anything to eat as she isn't weaned yet. When you do start weaning, take food with if she babysits and make it clear that is ALL baby is to be given. You don't have to be stroppy. It can be said nicely but firmly.

I only give little GD food that has been left for her and if she comes to stay with me, I make meals for her that I run past DD first to check they're ok. I love DGD with my life but she isn't my child and it's not up to me what she eats and drinks.