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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish MIL would just stop asking for DD's to sleep over at hers?

12 replies

user1477282676 · 28/12/2016 23:29

DDs are 12 and 8. They've never really liked sleepovers...they will have the odd one with very close friends on special occassions....

But MIL is constantly asking for them to have a sleepover...they've been a few times over the years but usually I had to really encourage them.

MIL is perfectly nice...a bit overbearing and has a tendency to baby them...but I can't think why otherwise DD's never want to sleep there.

She's just asked...and DH said he doesn't think they will want to but he will ask them. MIL seems to think they should just be sent! Even if they don't want to go.

AWBU?

OP posts:
PoptartPoptart · 28/12/2016 23:51

If they don't want to go then please don't make them just to appease your MIL.
I was made to sleep over at my grandparents house a few times when I was about 8 and absolutely hated it. It's not that they were unkind to me or anything, I just didn't like staying away from home at that age. My mum knew I didn't want to go but sent me anyway, so as not to offend MIL. She was upset because she knew I was upset, but unfortunately didn't have the guts to stand up to MIL as my dad was on his mothers side. It made me resent them all.

Anyhoooo · 28/12/2016 23:51

I wouldn't send them if they dont want to go. I get the mil thing though, mine is of the opinion that children should do whatever their elders tell them to whether they want to or not and that if us as their parents don't encourage this then we are allowing them to be soft.
If they want to stay they will otherwise i'd go with what they want to do.

Cherrysoup · 28/12/2016 23:54

The dd are entitled to their opinion and to be listened to rather than just being told what to do. Just tell MIL they don't want to come, simple.

SuperRainbows · 28/12/2016 23:59

Definitely wouldn't make them go. Would politely thank MIL, but say girls are not keen on sleepovers, but maybe at a later they will want to.

BlueNeighbourhood · 29/12/2016 00:17

I know I stayed with my Grandparents nearly every weekend when I was growing up - I have a feeling a lot was due to necessity rather than actually being invited though!

I have to say though, I had the best times of my life when I stayed there. I also remember being shoved off there every NYE with my sister so my parents could go out and never wanted to go - I wanted to be at home with my new PlayStation! But I can honestly say I'm closer than ever to both my Nana's now and have all these amazing memories with them.

However in your families case, I wouldn't necessarily force them. But surely if they're together they'd have a good time and spend time with their Gran spoiling them for the night. It's a good idea to ask them both and maybe for them to have a day with her or something instead? Then she's still having time with them without the need to sleep over.

DailyFail1 · 29/12/2016 00:19

12 and 8 is too old to be forcing kids to do sleepovers. Besides if they aren't used to sleeping over alone from a young age then they'll never get the hang of it in childhood at least. Might be a good idea to let the kids tell dh how they feel so he can relay it to his mum.

GloriousRoob · 29/12/2016 00:19

is she trying to give you time alone with your H?

maybe she feels she's doing it for you.

ScarletForYa · 29/12/2016 00:28

Before I had dc I used to think parents were constantly desperate to get away from their children. I didn't really realise that parents liked spending time with their children! Blush

So I was always offering to babysit for my nieces and nephews. Once the penny dropped when my sister politely rebuffed me explaining that she hardly saw her dd during the week due to work. I realised I'd totally mis-read things.

Your MIL probably forget what it's like and is trying to be helpful. Explain to her that you love your family time and the children aren't into these sleepovers.

Original poster
user1477282676 · 29/12/2016 00:53

I doubt that Scarlett. She just loves kids...she cares for her own DD"s toddler three full days a week and enjoys having her GC around her.

I wouldn't mind....I'd love them to go in all honesty....but not if they don't want to.

DH is very much of the mindset that if they don't want to go then they don't have to.

I just wish she wouldn't try to sell it to them all the time. She often says "Would you like to stay at mine next week? Maybe have a think about it? We;ll do X and X and have loads of fun"

I feel for her a bit...I can't think why they don't want to go. She spoils them etc.

OP posts:
BeachyKeen · 29/12/2016 01:10

In both of the posts you made, you say they don't want to go, but you can't think why?
If they are 8 and 12, have you never asked them?
What do they say?

AmeliaJack · 29/12/2016 01:12

Take her aside and say
"The DDs love you very much but they don't want to come for a sleepover. Let's think of something else you could do together"

Original poster
user1477282676 · 29/12/2016 02:48

Beachy they just say "Don't know....I like it at home: which seems vague!

OP posts:
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