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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To sleep when baby sleeps

105 replies

justinelibertine · 28/12/2016 20:12

Doing bedtime and bored whilst waiting for DD to drop off so here goes.
DD is almost 2 and still naps most days for a couple of hours. In that time I like to get some sleep myself. I find being SAHP very tiring.
H sometimes rings me over his lunch hour and gets annoyed if I don't answer because I am sleeping. He told my mum that I only called him at 3pm after DD and I had woken and had a snack. She jumped on this because she doesn't see the need for daytime naps full stop. Apparently DD hasn't needed one for a year and I have no business sleeping during the day. She has an ongoing hang up about it.
This was a few weeks ago and they are still talking about it. I shouldn't sleep in case they need me during the day. I should be doing jobs. H had the gall to say that I don't do much parenting because we spend most of the day asleep and M sided with me. Er, no. We are talking 2.5 hours at most and not every day.
AIBU to feel like I am a terrible parent? That I force DD to sleep just so I can rest. Or are they BU?
I end up lying about naps now.

OP posts:

ohtheholidays · 29/12/2016 15:21

There is nothing wrong with you napping at all!

There is something very wrong with your Husbands and your Mothers attitudes!

Why does he need to ring you every time he's at work and as for the fact that you might be napping when one of them needs you,needs you for what?Your not they're scullery maid!

My Mum wasn't a great Mum(she admitted that her self)and she wasn't very maternal but even she used to tell me off if she found out I wasn't resting/having a nap when my LO was.

Being a parent is exhausting most of the time,it's not like any other job you don't get scheduled breaks that you can enjoy in peace,you don't even get to go to the toilet half the time without an audience thanks to having a small child at home.

Caterina99 · 29/12/2016 16:43

My DS naps for 2-2.5 hours every day. I'm a sahm I love nap time! I don't sleep cos I'm not a napper unless I'm ill or just exhausted if he's been up in the night lots, but he usually sleeps through no problems so it's v rare. But it's time to myself to have a break! I usually do some housework and then chill for at least an hour. Dont see why you can't have a nap if you want one. Everyone has different sleep needs!

midlifehope · 29/12/2016 16:45

They sound controlling to me.So long as you dc is absolutely safe (and asleep), house doors are locked etc, what's the problem?

Thattimeofyearagain · 29/12/2016 16:58

My youngest is 18 and I've just woken up from a nap.
I have one at weekends usually ( off work til new year) . But only for half an hour or so, any longer or more frequently and I get my bloods checked as I tend to anaemia.

Original poster

justinelibertine · 29/12/2016 17:12

DD is def always safely asleep in her cot. She is my alarm clock and I have the monitor on as loud as it goes.
My mum is controlling. As many have guessed it goes deeper than the sleep. I dye my hair - it's wrong. I wear DM boots - she has a meltdown. She refused to acknowledge one of my DD's middle name because she didn't like it. There's loads. As I say, I ignore her but it does get me down being constantly told I am no good. I know I'm OK.
As for H. He's off work for 10 days. He has already tried to implement a TV ban. Grrrrrr.

OP posts:

midlifehope · 29/12/2016 17:16

Have you unconsciously chosen a dh as controlling as your dm? sounds like they collude to limit you.....

Blackfellpony · 29/12/2016 17:19

Why does your husband need to ring you in the day? I don't speak to DH at all until he returns...we see enough of each other at home!

Enjoy your naps

Original poster

justinelibertine · 29/12/2016 17:27

Most likely. I think I married him for security and just got more controlling.

OP posts:

susurration · 29/12/2016 17:36

Nothing to add about the actual situation, but I'm 28, don't even have kids and still nap regularly. Some people just need naps.

Xmasbaby11 · 29/12/2016 17:44

Nothing wrong with napping when your toddler naps. I would worry about the amount you're sleeping though and second others who suggest gp visit.

midlifehope · 29/12/2016 17:46

justine, non judgement from me as I am currently trying to get out of a controlling situation too. I would just meet your own need for sleep and ignore them both... I wish I slept more in the day too....

TurquoiseDress · 29/12/2016 17:58

I love a nap in the middle of the day and sometimes will have one with my LO who is 2. Would do it more if I could but going out to work gets in the way of that!

Your DH and MIL sound very interfering, ok for DH to comment and leave it at that, but your MIL nagging you about it weeks later?
That would totally piss me off!

My parents are a bit like that- when I used to live at home my dad would ask if there was something wrong/was I ill? if i woke up late/had a nap during the day. And would go on about it, like it was the weirdest thing or something.

Naps sort me out and make me feel so much better afterwards!

Orangebird69 · 29/12/2016 18:16

I occasionally nap when ds does in the day - but he's 14mo and has never slept through. Rarely goes more than 3 hours straight day or night 😭😭

blinkineckmum · 29/12/2016 18:17

Jealous! My one-year-old and her two-year-old brother just BOTH dropped their naps!

midlifehope · 29/12/2016 18:22

upliftconnect.com/12-rights-women-have/

I found this yesterday - a very interesting read. Explains how your dm might have internalised poor values in regards to women. My dm is the same. She said to me once, now you have children you have to stay with you dp 'unless he is really abusive'. grrrrrr!

GreenPetal94 · 29/12/2016 18:22

I used to get baby, 2 year old and me all napping together most days. That is how I coped with a non-sleeping baby and 2 so close together (23 months). I think I switched the phone off (pre-mobiles)

Worth checking you are not anaemic or anything though.

Abrahamkin · 29/12/2016 20:30

My DS is nearly 2 yo as well. He still has a nap every day (normally 1.5 hrs, if lucky 2.5 hrs or so). When I was on maternity leave I had a nap pretty much every single day when he did. I considered that one of the perks of the job . Luckily for me my DH never dared to say anything about it. Now that I am back at work I make sure that DS has his nap at home at least one day in the weekend. This is mainly so I can have a nap as well! And DH sometimes joins for the nap too.

I don't see why a nap is such a big deal. Your job as a SAHM is to take care of your DC. Your DC is sleeping, so job is on a break so you can have one too!

ChocolateCakeandSprinkles · 29/12/2016 20:46

No you are not silly to be napping. If your child is sleeping normally at night and they still want/need a nap then let them have a nap! I'm 28 I still nap!

I love the attitude that being at home all day isn't tiring. I suggest one day you leave dc with him for the day while you go out! See how he feels after a day!

If you are tired and want a nap in the middle of the afternoon with your dc then so what? What could they possible needs that is that desperate on a daily basis! Have they ever heard of a text message!

Please do go get the bloodwork done as if there is another health issue then you need to address it.

Then tell your DH and MIL to back off! If you want a nap then you will flipping well have one! Its not like your leaving dc running around the house while your having it! But tell darling MIL if she'd like him for a day to give you a break then she's more than welcome! I'd start taking the mick and being really sarky till they get the message. Yeh I'm gonna nap all day, do nothing, then just throw the little one into a knife drawer while I have a good sleep! Maybe then they'll back off!

mummydawn07 · 29/12/2016 23:37

i sleep from 11:30am-1:30pm, but I have only started doing this since I started my job a few months ago and I am up at 4am, so need to sleep during the day or I don't function properly! before this though unless I was extremely tired I didn't nap, just couldn't even when I tried to and wanted to my eyes just didn't stay shut and I couldn't sleep. but I don't see anything wrong with napping as long as you get what needs to be done out of the way then why bloody not go for it.. and you're napping when your dd is asleep too, so I don't see a problem!! they are probably just jealous, and also tell them you can't force a child to go to sleep.. she obviously needs it or she wouldn't have naps. My dd used to fall asleep after school when she first started in reception. sorry for the long post lol

anothermalteserplease · 30/12/2016 02:35

Enjoy your naps but definitely get your blood work done as a priority. I'd also stop answering to your mum. It's nothing to do with her as to what you do in the day. What does your husband want you to be doing instead of napping?

Dutch1e · 30/12/2016 08:49

Are your relatives aware how oddly they're behaving by wanting to orchestrate your day? And yes, toddler naptime is too precious to waste on housework or other stuff. It's your time, enjoy your rest.

Olympiathequeen · 30/12/2016 10:07

Sleeping 10 hours a day isn't normal so I would see you GP for some check ups. Thyroid, iron levels etc.

Of course excessive sleeping is also a sign of depression so if you are having other issues with your marriage you could look more at that.

Dragongirl10 · 30/12/2016 11:02

Justine......

I hope the multitude of posters telling you its normal and healthy to nap when you can/need to, has made you realise that your Dm and DH are bullying you.

Tell them in no uncertain terms that you refuse to discuss this ever again, if they them do refuse to speak/ acknowledge them.

The bigger problem is that DH does not support and respect you, if you say to him you want/need the sleep then his response should be 'good for you, glad you are Ok'

He does not have the right to expect you to be available all day, you are not his secretary, tell him this and turn the phone off when napping.

Sounds like you are aware he is a bully and controlling...so sorry for your difficult situation.....my advice, put your foot down stay very calm, and be immoveable in your resistance to his dictatorial behavior...don't negotiate or get drawn into arguments just stand very firm.

Unless he is great otherwise you may want to rethink your future with him..

HuckleberryGin · 30/12/2016 12:45

Sleeping 10 hours a day is normal for some people. Different people need different amounts of sleep. I need about 10hours. I've had all the checks.

PuppyCottonLane · 30/12/2016 13:49

DD is 3.5 and DS is 15 months. They both sleep for 1.5 hours a day at the same time each afternoon so I always have an hours sleep with them. I love it!

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