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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To sleep when baby sleeps

105 replies

justinelibertine · 28/12/2016 20:12

Doing bedtime and bored whilst waiting for DD to drop off so here goes.
DD is almost 2 and still naps most days for a couple of hours. In that time I like to get some sleep myself. I find being SAHP very tiring.
H sometimes rings me over his lunch hour and gets annoyed if I don't answer because I am sleeping. He told my mum that I only called him at 3pm after DD and I had woken and had a snack. She jumped on this because she doesn't see the need for daytime naps full stop. Apparently DD hasn't needed one for a year and I have no business sleeping during the day. She has an ongoing hang up about it.
This was a few weeks ago and they are still talking about it. I shouldn't sleep in case they need me during the day. I should be doing jobs. H had the gall to say that I don't do much parenting because we spend most of the day asleep and M sided with me. Er, no. We are talking 2.5 hours at most and not every day.
AIBU to feel like I am a terrible parent? That I force DD to sleep just so I can rest. Or are they BU?
I end up lying about naps now.

OP posts:
Flumpnugget · 28/12/2016 22:26

My littlest is just out growing the nap phase- it's been one of my very favourite parts of parenting- snuggling down with them for a bit during the day- precious.

As pp have said, unless you can't go without a nap and it's not just a perk- maybe visit the GP. Ignore judgement on what you do and how you do it. Long days at home with little ones is exhausting and it helps to have some down time.

CurbsideProphet · 28/12/2016 22:28

I'm sure that research has shown that naps are good for you and are a throw back to the stone age. YANBU at all Smile

raspberryblush23 · 28/12/2016 22:31

Yanbu OP, I love a wee daytime nap. My DD- 15 months isn't a great sleeper so needs her daytime nap. I work part-time evening shifts and I'm pretty tired on my days off. Even if I don't sleep during her nap I love that time to just relax and watch Netflix. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone OP, as pp posters have said it won't last forever so just enjoy. Smile.

triskellionoflegs · 28/12/2016 22:32

I think you and your DC should nap if u like, and if I were you I'd try to generally be more assertive with both ur husband and mother. Next time they start on this, just state that you are quite happy with the way ur doing things thanks, you'll cut down on naps when you feel it's appropriate, and u have faith in the two of them to manage fine during that part of the day without suddenly needing you (honestly, what is that about anyway!?).
Then just change the subject (have a question in mind, ready to ask them on something else). Be calm, polite, and adult, and restate if necessary, then change the topic again...Hopefully they'll get the idea.

If they persist I think it shows that they are used to bossing you around, and if u find it hard to stand up to them u may want to consider reading a book, or doing a course, on how to be assertive.

toomuchtooold · 28/12/2016 22:34

I used to play Skyrim on the Xbox when my twins were napping. I didn't need the sleep so much as I was in the habit of going to bed before 10 but I really needed time to escape my own head. It's pretty relentless with small kids, I say take the leisure time where it comes.

triskellionoflegs · 28/12/2016 22:40

PS. I was v v tired when my DC was that age, and visited GP. I have to say she was completely unhelpful, saying that it's hard looking after young children, and what else did I expect - end of consultation. I had not been in about any other health issues apart from routine pregnancy checks, so no idea why so unpleasant about it! Hopefully u won't get that, but don't let it get u down if u do :-).

Zarachristmas · 28/12/2016 22:47

Well most 2 year olds definitely still need naps.

I sometimes nap while my 18 month old sleeps. Only about once a week though. He's often up in the night still though. He really tires me out some days.

Yanbu to have a nap but are you sleeping excessively? A two hour nap everyday would be a lot imo for an adult lap getting a full nights sleep.

Sleepybeanbump · 28/12/2016 22:48

Your DH and MIL sound very controlling Sad are they like this over other things?

I would say go to gp if you feel something's not right, but it is a tiring job and one of the only perks. Is it any different from going out for a coffee/fag break/quick sneaky shopping trip at lunchtime of you're in an office job? We get our me time where we can. And a lot of people would nap if they could! I'm sure our bodies want to- why else do we all need tea and chocolate at 3pm!

StarsandSparkles · 28/12/2016 22:58

My ds is 18 months and will sleep for an hour sometimes longer most days. I sleep when he does as its my time to zone out. I get moaned at that i should be doing my housework when he naps.

ICantThinkOfAUsernameH · 28/12/2016 23:07

Another napper here, I've always napped, DM says I've never dropped having a nap :/
Went back to work soon after ds1 and have stayed at home a bit longer with ds2 and honestly find it more tiring being a SAHP than work.
2.5 hours does seem a lot but some people just need extra sleep.

Blankiefan · 28/12/2016 23:19

Good luck to you. If I could get 8 hours a night and a nap every day, it'd be heaven. You enjoy it.

EnglishGirlApproximately · 28/12/2016 23:24

If my 4 year old would nap I'd still encourage it, love a daytime snooze Grin

ll87 · 29/12/2016 06:37

I've been self employed at times (lawyer) with no DC and I would nap for 45 mins - 1.5 hours after lunch as I would then be 10 times more productive in the afternoon. So, YANBU!

starsinyourpies · 29/12/2016 08:12

Does your DH ever do a day on his own with the 2 year old? Does he know how tiring it is?

SpookyPotato · 29/12/2016 08:39

Can't understand some of these posts... what's wrong with catching up on sleep when the opportunity arises. Either baby/toddler woke up in the night so parent is knackered, or parent slept well but wants to bank some more hours as the whole thing can be relentless, also it ensures a more energetic second half of the day. I'm so glad I have easygoing parents and inlaws as this is such a non issue. Your husband is the big issue here though, he should be supportive and have your back, not ganging up with MIL..

ifonly4 · 29/12/2016 10:39

I do sometimes nap/meet friends for coffee in the day/do exercise class, but on the other hand I'm the one who does more in the evening. As we both spend roughly the same amount of time working/travelling/doing chores in our day, I don't see a problem with that. Who gets up to DD in the night by the way - if it's you, your getting less sleep anyway.

MIL should butt out, this is between you and your OH to work out whats fair.

Altusreid21 · 29/12/2016 11:25

I still take a nap every other day when ds does. He wakes up at 5 - 5.30 and after getting to sleep myself at 11 - 11.30, I often feel wacked in the afternoon. Plus they showed that dealing with a toddler produces physical exhaustion in Olympians - so I think it's okay.

shiveringhiccup · 29/12/2016 12:42

Actually I don't think it's 'just a perk'. Many of us sahps do this and it is a natural and healthy way to look after yourself when doing a demanding job, up in the night, non stop all day, etc. I think it's demeaning to use words like perk or lazy. It's a way to stay healthy, happy, and cope.

Keep doing what you're doing OP! I do this, have had tests etc and am healthy - it's just me and what keeps me well and happy. Also I love snuggles together and it's part of my parenting

I do think you have a problem with your H and mum though. They sound intrusive, controlling, and disrespectful. Is this part of a bigger picture of being controlled by them? I think it sounds like time to put some boundaries on, tell them to back off and respect how you do things as a full time parent, and be less available to them in the day whether you're awake or not.

Time for my nap now...

Kel1234 · 29/12/2016 12:45

Baby's do need daytime sleeps. But I've never been one for napping in the day at all. I'd rather go to bed that night and sleep then

Kel1234 · 29/12/2016 13:18

Baby's do need daytime sleeps. But I've never been one for napping in the day at all. I'd rather go to bed that night and sleep then

Recentlylazy · 29/12/2016 14:00

Always loved naps. DC are grown up now but I always nap at weekends and any other chance I get. It makes me happier and productive. Clearly not doing me any harm as had major op two weeks ago and the consultant is delighted by my progress, which she said usually only seen, at this stage in people a lot younger.

Google Churchill and naps. He was a great believer in them. No one could call him a slouch

fabulous01 · 29/12/2016 14:20

Omg! Sleep when you canand you are mother so you know nap times.
I must admit I have enjoyed the Xmas break as I have had naps with my 2

Original poster
justinelibertine · 29/12/2016 14:22

We've been to a museum today so no nap forthcoming. DD too busy. I am feeling OK without it but will be tired come her bedtime.
I will suggest to my mum that she butt out. For the millionth time. She knows I ignore her but she keeps on nagging. It's very wearing. Sigh.

OP posts:
Pumpkintopf · 29/12/2016 14:29

YANBU at all. I'm sure your toddler benefits hugely from having a rested mum, and your husband gets you sitting up later with him which he wants. Naps are great! Tell your DH and DM to mind their own business!

yetanotherdeskmove · 29/12/2016 14:45

I used to love my naps with DS1 and was gutted when he dropped them. It's not the same when the second arrives as if your older one doesn't nap any more you can't do it too.

They are most definitely being U.