To think completely blanking someone is not normal behaviour??

[BoBo16]

Scenario - me, DH and dog in the kitchen.

I say "do you want a wee?" To dog. DH then says to dog "go on, out for a wee". Proof he can hear me, right?

I open back door and say "wow have you seen how frosty the grass is??". DH stood almost next to me, says nothing. I repeat "have you seen how frosty it is out here?". Again, nothing. I look at him and say "you ignoring me?" He looks at me but continues washing up. I go into living room, came back in kitchen, give him the benefit of the doubt and say "have you seen the frost outside? Just have a look out of the window ... ". Again, nothing.

I playfully dig him in the ribs and joke "hey! Why are you ignoring me??" (Assuming of course that he's doing it for a joke) and he snaps "WHAT? All I can hear is the kettle going and you rattling on! I can't even hear what you're saying!". 😲 So I little taken aback I say "well why didn't you say you couldn't hear me instead of having me repeat something four times and just ignore me!" So he says "because I didn't know if you was talking to me or the dog or what!".

??? So much bullshit, I talk to the dog yeah but I don't repeat things over and over if the fucking thing doesn't respond!! I'd even said to him directly "are you ignoring me?" And he ignored that!!

I even approached him jokingly in the end about being ignored and got my head bit off!

He does have a habit of just ignoring me when he can't be arsed to talk but not normally to that extent!

AIBU to be upset and to think it isn't normal behaviour? I suppose I'm more upset because it's the first (and only!) day I've had off work since Christmas Eve - I've been looking forward to it but now I kind of feel like he doesn't want me around

He's a knobber OP

My DP will say something and then flat out deny he has said it with such conviction that i sometime wonder if i have imagined it.... or at least he did until i lost my rag with him and told him that his behaviour was a form of abuse and a symptom of controlling and down right nasty behaviour and that if he kept it up, he would be living back with his mother with weekend access only to his son before he knew it.

I had a friend who used to do this to me! It just came back to me as I was reading your thread.

TBH when she ignored me I would feel embarrassed, stupid. It's really belittling actually. She used to do it when just us alone too.

Not sure what the deal with your husband is, but it's not on OP

It disappoints me how many women on MN seem to hate men.

I love men. Mostly. But I hate abusive men, just like I hate abusive women. Nothing to do with their genitals. What I hate more though is women in abusive relationships and feel that as I have the time and inclination, I can assist when they are doubting whether the relationship is indeed abusive or not.

People that like women to be kept in abusive relationships and berate people that point it out - well, what does that say about them?

Indeed

I know anyfucker mentioned this as a sarcastic thing, but is he on the spectrum? Or just a twat?

I find this is quite common amongst the male sex. I think they find it just too much effort to actually open their mouth and force some words out.

God I hate when people suggest being on the spectrum as a reason for people being arseholes 😡😡

I have two family members on the spectrum who do this. Especially if there is background noise

i do not know what is going on with the OP's husband. Maybe his hearing is bad- who knows.

Lots of wittering/talking about nothing though makes me switch off i have a small chilld who talks constantly, it's very very wearing

4 phone calls a day while he's at work? Was the house on fire?

I might have assumed you were talking to the dog about the garden if you'd put the dog out, your statement didn't require an answer, why did you need to disturb him to look at frost?

OP I've read bit more of this now. If you think he's ignoring you cos he can't be arsed to respond, do it back to him. DH and I had the same problem. I started doing it back to him for a few weeks and it really wound him up, but his responding skills have improved dramatically since then 😂😂

If it was hearing it would happen with other people. Not just me.

In some cases, you can't "tune in" to certain vocal registers as well as others; I have some friends I can barely make out and a few that can mumble and I hear most everything. And the more background noise there is, the harder it is.

However, it sounds more like he's having a personal issue than a hearing one.

I'm absolutely agog at this thread. He heard you alright. But its ops fault because its white noise and she's wittering...
And he was cosy watching tv and wanted peace. Yep. All OPs fault.
Fucking hell am I in the 1950's?

Clearly you are, dona

Maybe consider renewing your wedding vows but say them to your dog instead?

Dogs are much better company than a lot of husbands.

especially when doing a dull or repetitive task like washing up! Does he not get any points for doing that at least?

Oh god yeah. Points for washing up despite having no ovaries. Massive kudos there - have all the fucking cookies

My husband is lovely, all great, but! He does a similar-ish thing, without the snapping part. He ignores me/anyone when it's a sort of vague or rhetorical question. So if I say something like "isn't it freezing today?!" He will just look at me and carry on making tea! When I pull him up on it, and accuse him of being rude, he then says that surely the answer is obvious! Why do I need a verbal response? He doesn't do it in a nasty way and doesn't get cross, he genuinely looks puzzled as to why I need a general 'ahaa' in agreement! Drives me barmy! We are from different countries, though, and they're much quieter in general, and don't tend to chatter as much as Brits. He's learning to prattle on about nothing, slowly but surely!

Conserve, not asking for points for washing up--just that it sounds from description of scenario as though all was fairly amicable.

He chats to dog with op, washes up, doesn't respond to comments about frosty garden, when she jabs him is annoyed and says he didn't hear properly and thought she was talking to dog.

Original question was was this behaviour abnormal, so my answer, for what it's worth is no, it's not abnormal nor, by itself, reason to LTB. Also not answering phone when called four times at work for a chat not abnormal or unreasonable in my opinion. Which was what we are asked for, no?

Just a thought- but for anyone who says they get ignored like this, have you tried saying the person's name? We are 'programmed' to hear and respond to our names if we are daydreaming or whatever. And it removes any doubt as to whether you are speaking to them or the dog.

People often accuse me (rightly) of not listening to them because if I am in a room with several people (or concentrating on a task) I find it hard work to listen and process what they are saying. Therefore I switch off and unless you say my name, I won't hear what you are saying.

Clearly you missed my sarcasm anyfucker

DP does this sometimes and he's admitted it's because he can't be bothered listening to me. He does it to his mum too, she's a major witterer TBF.

I get my own back though - if I have anything I know he'll be really interested in I make the start of it really dull so he zones out, then when I get to the good stuff he perks up and asks me to repeat the whole tale to which I say NO. And repeat. He hates that!

Clearly you missed my agreement dona

AF was AGREEING with you Dona 🙄