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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

The more I think about it the angrier I am

98 replies

Hedgehog80 · 27/12/2016 20:30

A teacher at dds school has continuously minimised and dismissed her very real and serious health issues. This came to a head before the end of term with phone calls where she accused dd of possibly being "just a school refuser" and needing to "get over the hurdle of mornings" or to use "mind over matter"

Dd has since disclosed that said teacher removed her from the medical room during designated rest breaks(advised by hospital), made dd feel awful by blaming her for her drama groups failures as she was "not there when needed" and because dd wanted to book to see the school counsellor she was told "if you're ill that day you've taken away another's girls chance of receiving counselling"

The icing on the cake has been a malicious ss referral by this woman. Not just to ESW for low attendance due to illness but because she didn't get notification of the most recent diagnosis as quickly as she wanted (we were waiting for the clinic letter but had told her and given specialist details) so referred as had serious concerns. She had also said we hadn't given reasons for absence but I have email proof that I have each time.
Obviously ss have to do their job and the sw seems nice and I'm sure it'll be fine as there are no issues but this teacher.......
She said to me twice spitefully with a smirk "oh...but you're already known to ss.....aren't you ???!"
Well yes because we get direct payments you idiot !

AIBU to formally complain?

OP posts:

Blossomdeary · 27/12/2016 22:30

Also speak to the SEND co-ordinator and the governors. I am sure they would have something to say about it.

Original poster

Hedgehog80 · 27/12/2016 22:30

I had provided everything to school already, and have since emailed all letters to ss and given a list of every professional involved with the dcs so they are able to go through it all if they need to.
It would be very easy for them to confirm all the conditions are genuine

OP posts:

Original poster

Hedgehog80 · 27/12/2016 22:32

kali we had many many tests over a number of years. Dd was found to have what they called intermittent tachycardia she had heart scans and 24hr ecg but the had two separate tilt tests and these provided a diagnosis
She was then seen at GOSH and had more tests to confirm diagnosis and rule out anything g else

OP posts:

Original poster

Hedgehog80 · 27/12/2016 22:33

I didn't realise it was the same as munchausens sorry !
Def not that !

OP posts:

BatFacedGirl · 27/12/2016 22:45

Maybe not. Back story then, apologises. I just dimly recall a faint bell ringing with your username and lots of health issues and battles with non believing teachers

I'd be wary about giving out too many identifying details

Original poster

Hedgehog80 · 27/12/2016 22:48

Yes i have posted previously, this issue has just made me so cross and I felt I had to give the details of conditions because I think this teacher is disbelieving in general of hidden disabilities and I really need advice as what she's done is not right

OP posts:

OnTheUp13 · 27/12/2016 23:09

OP I've got EDS, POTS & Addison's disease so I understand how your daughter feels. I look fine and function well at times. I went through something similar with work a few years ago. They felt my sickness/absence was all made up even though I disclosed it on my application. I really feel for your DD. It's horrible when people tell you that you're lazy or just need to get over it. Hope it's resolved for her and you

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 27/12/2016 23:11

This goes deeper than being unprofessional. This is abuse!!!!!!.
Complain and keep complaining until they sit up and pay attention. No teacher /HT/SW would accept it for their child.

ChocolateCakeandSprinkles · 27/12/2016 23:11

I have to say as a teacher, this horrifies me. Not only is your daughter going through a horrific time with her illnesses but then she's being victimised by someone she should be able to trust and should support her. I've encountered loads of children with medical issues, they can't be helped! Any reasonable school will do whatever they can to support the child in school so they feel comfortable attending. How about a word of praise for your daughter when she attends, a kind word about how you think her resilience is fantastic (the teacher obviously not the OP).

It isn't really an OFSTED issue and they don't deal with private schools anyway.

You need to send a detailed letter outlining your grievances and concerns to the head and the Chair of Governors. Also ask for the Formal Complaints procedure as another person mentioned.

I would also request that your child and you deals with another member of staff regarding her attendance and illness due to the distress it is causing.

In regards to her referral, they are supposed to be a confidential file, however you can request to see the information. When any referral has been made, it is the schools responsibility to call their local team and ask for advice is for any reason they think it goes beyond a conversation between a parent and T/HT etc. If you have all the medical paperwork they will very quickly see that there is no case to be answered and this is a massive waste of everyone's time.

Sounds like the teacher has her own issues, or a personal issue with children's illness', or so much pressure to up attendance shes taken to bullying teenagers. Very concerning. Do not stop escalating this until it is resolved!

Italiangreyhound · 28/12/2016 00:03

Hope you get some resolution with this OP.

OhSuckItUpDucky · 28/12/2016 10:12

I echo everything chocolateCake has said

kali110 · 28/12/2016 10:33

Your poor dd. Don't let this bring you and her down.
I've read your threads before, you've gone through so much and do an amazing job!
This woman sounds like a bully
Do you mind me asking did your dd ecg go up and down through the night too or only day?
my friend is having problems and doesn't seem to be taken seriously because of her age

Original poster

Hedgehog80 · 28/12/2016 12:14

Ecg was normal at night and had episodes of fast heart rate in the day. We had to keep a symptom and activity diary too and the episodes of v fast rate coincided with things like dd getting up from lying/sitting to standing and feeling faint or standing for too long and fainting

I think the tilt test is the one to try and get referred to as it gave us the diagnosis (first was inconclusive and dd was diagnosed with vasovagal episodes then second was positive for Pots)

OP posts:

CFSKate · 30/12/2016 12:10

Is it just one teacher?
Just because it is not munchausens doesn't mean you won't be accused of it.
If you have not already bookmarked www.tymestrust.org/ I think you should.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 30/12/2016 12:18

A couple of practical things:
The Headteacher would have signed off the SS referral.

If she is doing gcse then she will be letting down the group as they have to submit pieces together. Might not be the subject for her if she is not able to be there.

Original poster

Hedgehog80 · 30/12/2016 21:20

The HT only seemed aware of the referral to ESW, there was also a referral to child protection.
I will be complaining again as it's a malicious referral with no evidence as I had told them then submitted all letters to explain why dd had been absent and what all her conditions were.

The sw was lovely, she obviously has to do her job and investigate but I got the distinct impression she was expecting something she seemed surprised almost and when I asked directly what the referral was she would only say "mostly attendance"

I will work with ss, they have our consent to speak to all medical professionals involved but I've made it very clear how upset I am with this teacher. Her lack of understanding and minimising of dds conditions, bullying dd and the referral and the fact the sw also said "yes she did mention whether it was appropriate for dd to have a bursary"

In short, the woman is a cow and maybe this is what she needs, a full investigation that points the finger back at her and her spiteful judgemental discriminatory views

OP posts:

TinklyLittleLaugh · 30/12/2016 21:47

That FII list is quite scary. I've definitely been "guilty" of at least a few points on it. Parents, particularly parents with the same condition themselves, often spot things that the professionals don't, and have to fight for diagnosis for their kids.

coolaschmoola · 30/12/2016 21:58

I'm a teacher and I am appalled at this woman's attitude and behaviour!

Original poster

Hedgehog80 · 30/12/2016 21:59

It's so difficult isn't it, you want the right diagnosis and help for your dcs yet by fighting for it you could be accused of all sorts
We didn't seek a diagnosis of CFS I thought the appointment was for a pre existing condition had no idea we would leave with another diagnosis but it explains many of dds symptoms that I'd put down to other things

OP posts:

Original poster

Hedgehog80 · 30/12/2016 22:06

I'm very confident though that this will be resolved quickly. The sw seems very nice and I'm sure she will see exactly what the situation is. Could have down without the stress and extra appts etc but not much I can do except go along with everything

OP posts:

DJBaggySmalls · 30/12/2016 22:15

Some people shouldn't be working with vulnerable people. Stick to your guns and good luck.

Italiangreyhound · 05/01/2017 01:12

Hedgehog80 how are things going?

TheMaddHugger · 05/01/2017 10:01

(((((((((((Hugs)))))))) OP
Is there an Update ? are you OK? How is DD ?

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