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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The more I think about it the angrier I am

98 replies

Hedgehog80 · 27/12/2016 20:30

A teacher at dds school has continuously minimised and dismissed her very real and serious health issues. This came to a head before the end of term with phone calls where she accused dd of possibly being "just a school refuser" and needing to "get over the hurdle of mornings" or to use "mind over matter"

Dd has since disclosed that said teacher removed her from the medical room during designated rest breaks(advised by hospital), made dd feel awful by blaming her for her drama groups failures as she was "not there when needed" and because dd wanted to book to see the school counsellor she was told "if you're ill that day you've taken away another's girls chance of receiving counselling"

The icing on the cake has been a malicious ss referral by this woman. Not just to ESW for low attendance due to illness but because she didn't get notification of the most recent diagnosis as quickly as she wanted (we were waiting for the clinic letter but had told her and given specialist details) so referred as had serious concerns. She had also said we hadn't given reasons for absence but I have email proof that I have each time.
Obviously ss have to do their job and the sw seems nice and I'm sure it'll be fine as there are no issues but this teacher.......
She said to me twice spitefully with a smirk "oh...but you're already known to ss.....aren't you ???!"
Well yes because we get direct payments you idiot !

AIBU to formally complain?

OP posts:
Original poster
Hedgehog80 · 27/12/2016 21:52

I was aware the ESW was contacted and o assumed it was just a process that had to be done at no point was any other referral discussed.
What did worry me was the lady who deals with our direct payments spoke to me and said she had had numerous calls from people asking what level of involvement she had with us - she is in children's services but only for the payments.
Obviously something serious has been raised and I get the impression it is over proof of medical conditions but I sent everything in including an up to date GP letter and the new diagnosis clinic letter ?

OP posts:
Lynnm63 · 27/12/2016 21:53

You should complain as high up as you can. Only she can decide if your dd is ill, I'd ask for a copy if her medical degree f she hasn't got one then she's not qualified to adjudicate on your dd health.
I'm sure the sw will quickly review and then leave you alone.

Original poster
Hedgehog80 · 27/12/2016 21:54

Dd wants to stay at school, the hospital also want her to stay but she is part time really currently

OP posts:
BatFacedGirl · 27/12/2016 21:54

There's a huge back story here though isn't there? I seem to recall lots of threads from you in the past with various issues like is

mineofuselessinformation · 27/12/2016 21:57

Just to say, the DSL (Designated Safeguarding Leader) is not always the head teacher. In some schools it is a deputy.

DoloresTheRunawayTrain · 27/12/2016 22:00

Take this as high as you can. Get your specialist on board as well. It would seem this teacher is embarking on a crusade of the Munchausen's vein (with the referral and disbelief of symptoms).

juniorcakeoff · 27/12/2016 22:01

Regardless of the back story, if the teacher had genuine safeguarding concerns, she was right to contact social services. Hopefully the impact on your daughter can be minimised by you and social services and there is a chance this might be the trigger for some practical help with managing her education.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 27/12/2016 22:02

Hedgehog,

Am I correct in thinking that all of your DD's HCP's are linked?

As in one refers to the other rather than you going off on a tangent and obtaining private DX's or seeing lots of different hospitals without at least one linked HCP?

EweAreHere · 27/12/2016 22:03

I would write a very detailed complaint to the Head and the Board of Governors, frankly. Include copies of all 'proof' that you have to counter her statements. Very, very unprofessional, retaliatory and spiteful, completely out of order on her part. She shouldn't be teaching.

MillyDLA · 27/12/2016 22:03

The school will have a policy for complaints. Procedures will be set out for you to complain. Ofsted would expect you to follow these procedures prior to contacting them. Ofsted will contact the LA to find out any information they have before acting on a parental complaint.

BlossomHillOne · 27/12/2016 22:06

It's a prIvate school - there is no point contacting the LA or OFSTED.

Original poster
Hedgehog80 · 27/12/2016 22:08

None of dds diagnoses were from private doctors all just nhs
In terms of back story I'm not sure what you mean? Our dcs have various disabilities and I e struggled in the past but we are now accessing all available support through various professionals and things like direct payments so all is under control and ticking along as best as it can ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Hedgehog80 · 27/12/2016 22:09

We did once seek a second opinion for dd but that was from an NHS hospital as well. In terms of the recent diagnosis we wernt even expecting it we had thought we were finally get help for her severe Pots symptoms

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 27/12/2016 22:11

Hat might be talking the talk, but he or she would have known the referral was being made.

Formal letter of complaint to the HT, Chair of governors, OFSTED. I would also demand a meeting with this stupid woman and the HT. She needs to apologise to you and to your dd. Why on earth has she made a referral to SS when hospital letters have been forthcoming? Silly, silly.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 27/12/2016 22:17

So with your DD has it gone a bit like this

X doc checks for one illness says yes or no but then says I'm going to refer her on to y doc as I think this additional thing needs looking into

Or

New symptoms appear so you go to GP (same GP you've had for ages) and he/she says lets refer to x y and z.

Original poster
Hedgehog80 · 27/12/2016 22:20

At birth her chest issue was noted (dh has same but was told it was not hereditary and was tested for marfans-negative and it was left at that)
Dd had issues with walking and crying/pain/dislocations etc and EDS diagnosed.
Pots diagnosis came after years (age 7-12) of repeated issues, inconclusive tests and then a tilt test confirmed it but no follow up till this year due to waiting lists, finally got an appt and the dr the diagnosed CFS too.

Scoliosis picked up at physio when dd was 10

OP posts:
LatteLady · 27/12/2016 22:22

Let's deal first with a couple of inaccuracies, the issues that you have are nothing to do with Ofsted and they would take no action. Next you need to as for a copy of the school's Complaints Procedure and follow it to the letter. You have already had informal meetings with the Head and are unhappy with the outcome, so at your next meeting or email you need to explicitly state that you are unhappy with the lack of action and now wish to make this a formal complaint. This will start the clock ticking but check the timeframes with the procedure. If you are not happy with the actions of the school, you then move onto the DfE, not Ofsted.

I am sorry that this has happened to your child.

Original poster
Hedgehog80 · 27/12/2016 22:22

The Pots has been the only thing I've had to really fight for a diagnosis for. Nobody seemed overly bothered she kept fainting and they kept saying it was 'intermittent tachycardia' I did for that have to keep going to the GP and asking for tests as she was so unwell.

OP posts:
chicaguapa · 27/12/2016 22:24

DD has CFS/ME and has barely been in school for the whole of 2017. Her HOY clearly thinks it's a load of nonsense so we now deal with someone on the SLT who is really supportive. So could you ask to deal with someone else at the school on the basis that you don't think liaising with the Head of Pastoral Care is working for your DD?

Flowers for your DD and you. It's a bastard of an illness on its own without the other issues your DD is having. Sad

juniorcakeoff · 27/12/2016 22:24

If she thinks this is a case of FII, I would imagine it is fairly easily refutable as scoliosis at least is 'proveable'. Here are some of the signs of FII:

symptoms only appear when the parent or carer is present
the only person claiming to notice symptoms is the parent or carer
the affected child has an inexplicably poor response to medication or other treatment
if one particular health problem is resolved, the parent or carer may then begin reporting a new set of symptoms
the child's alleged symptoms don't seem plausible–for example, a child who has supposedly lost a lot of blood but doesn't become unwell
the parent or carer has a history of frequently changing GPs or visiting different hospitals for treatment, particularly if their views about the child's treatment are challenged by medical staff
the child's daily activities are being limited far beyond what you would usually expect as a result of having a certain condition–for example, they never go to school or have to wear leg braces even though they can walk properly
theparent or carerhas good medical knowledge or a medical background
the parent or carerdoesn't seem too worried about the child's health, despite being very attentive
theparent or carer develops close and friendly relationships with healthcare staff, but may become abusive or argumentative iftheir own views about what's wrong with the child are challenged
one parent(commonly the father) has little or no involvement in the care of the child
theparent or carerencourages medical staff to perform often painful tests and procedures on the child (tests that most parents would only agree to if they were persuaded that it was absolutely necessary

Original poster
Hedgehog80 · 27/12/2016 22:25

What is FII?

OP posts:
Original poster
Hedgehog80 · 27/12/2016 22:28

Yes we have proof of everything- all dcs conditions diagnosed by tests (e.g. tilt test, bloods, examination and documented)

OP posts:
kali110 · 27/12/2016 22:28

I'd be complaining to the highest person i could.
This woman shouldn't be around kids (and i'm usually on the teachers side) this woman sounds like a massive bully.
Hardly going to help a child with health problems want to go to school?
As for making her feel bad regarding counselling Angry vile woman

juniorcakeoff · 27/12/2016 22:29

Sorry it is Fabricated or Induced Illness, what people used to call 'Munchausens by Proxy), a poster upthread mentioned it.

kali110 · 27/12/2016 22:29

Op how you get a dx of pots for your dd if you don't mind me asking?