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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think birthday parties for 1 year old son are a waste of time?

30 replies

SeahorsesSwim · 27/12/2016 16:09

Today I received an invitation for a 1 year old birthday party. A hall has been hired, guests are expected to turn up and coo over the oblivious one year old . I never bothered with this for my kids, I waited until they could understand/enjoy their birthday before bothering with a party. I did take them round to see close family/grandparents on their birthday though.

I called 1yo mum and asked whether I could visit on another day as they live two hours away so I'd get more chance to chat and catch up with her then, also play with her ds. She said no, she wants everyone there for the party, she'd like everyone to enjoy seeing her ds open his presents and she doesn't have time to see me on another day. She's expecting 30 or so guests.

So aibu to be a bit about the point of a party for a one yo?

OP posts:

Original poster

SeahorsesSwim · 27/12/2016 16:10

Sorry not being sexist here, title should be son or daughter!

OP posts:

That1950sMum · 27/12/2016 16:11

I think it is a big milestone for the parents. It is nice to have a celebration even if the one year old obviously won't have any idea what's going on.

Lweji · 27/12/2016 16:12

It's clearly a party for the parents and they want to make it a fairly big thing.
Has the child been christened?

Go, don't go, but let them enjoy their (probably) first born first birthday as they like.

mscongeniality · 27/12/2016 16:12

It's upto the parent's what they want to do to celebrate? If you don't like it don't go? Everyone likes to do things differently. I had a small birthday party for my DS when he turned 1 but it was more for us than for him really, we used it as an excuse to see family and friends, and take some nice milestone photos.

Newbrummie · 27/12/2016 16:12

It's for the parents, I raised a glass to my survival

Nicpem1982 · 27/12/2016 16:12

We did two separate parties for our dds first birthday one at my brothers house for family and then hired a hall for friends.

But I know that this is not everyone's cup of tea so no yanbu I wouldn't dream of expecting someone drive for 2 hours for my dds first birthday.

MrsDustyBusty · 27/12/2016 16:13

Even if a baby doesn't know what's going on they are still able to enjoy a party.

If they aren't asking you to pay, you're being very unreasonable.

SheldonsSpot · 27/12/2016 16:15

There's no way I'd be travelling 2 hours for a one year olds birthday party.

At that age, anything more than a bit of a casual tea party at the house is all about the parents rather than the child's birthday.

harderandharder2breathe · 27/12/2016 16:15

It's like a christening, it's for the adults more than the child

Go or don't go it's up to you

BIgBagofJelly · 27/12/2016 16:15

Agree with others it's just an event for the parents, like people who aren't religious having a christening, it's just a chance to show off your baby now they're a bit bigger and have a more obvious personality. I didn't bother either because I hate hosting big parties but I don't have anything against other people doing it. It's a little silly of your friend to expect you to travel so far to "watch the baby open it's presents" thought when the baby won't know or care that it's it's birthday.

Bobsmum02 · 27/12/2016 16:16

I had a party for my 1 year old, he might not have understood what it was about but he still enjoyed himself.

Yabu, if you don't want to drive 2 hours to get there just don't go!

M00nUnit · 27/12/2016 16:16

All the 1st birthday parties I've been to have been ace. They're more about the adults than the babies as the babies are too young to really appreciate it.

That1950sMum · 27/12/2016 16:17

At that age, anything more than a bit of a casual tea party at the house is all about the parents rather than the child's birthday.

What's wrong with it being all about the parents? Its tough getting through that first year so its nice to have a chance to celebrate that you've all survived!

NicknameUsed · 27/12/2016 16:17

"There's no way I'd be travelling 2 hours for a one year olds birthday party.

At that age, anything more than a bit of a casual tea party at the house is all about the parents rather than the child's birthday."

I wouldn't travel 2 hours for an afternoon tea party per se, but if it meant catching up with some old friends I would. Parties for 1 year olds are for the adults, not the baby.

We didn't have a party for DD until she was 3.

dingdongdigeridoo · 27/12/2016 16:24

I wanted to have a celebration for my DS's first birthday as he's likely to be our only one, and we wanted to celebrate him coming out of babyhood. Maybe people thought I was being selfish or whatever, but it was nice for family to see how he'd grown and to bring all the people in his life together.

We aren't religious so didn't have a christening or similar. People were free to decline the invitation!

AmeliaJack · 27/12/2016 16:50

We had a very small party with immediate family only for our twins first birthday. It wasn't for the children, it was for us and was as a pp said eloquently to "raise a glass to our survival".

We might have had a bigger party but we had a party following the children's Christening which fulfilled the "welcome to the family" role.

OutDamnedWind · 27/12/2016 16:56

Off the top of my head, those I know who have had bigger 1st birthday parties are almost exclusively those who didn't have christenings.

luckylavender · 27/12/2016 16:57

Each his own but I agree with you OP. Made me unpopular with the ILs all those years ago. I just wanted to spend the day with DS & DH. Went to the zoo.

StarsandSparkles · 27/12/2016 17:00

My ds turned 1 in june and i had his party at the local soft play. His birthday fell on a sunday and it turned out we had the run of the place due to the time of his party it was brilliant. He and the other kids and us adults alike had a great time

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 27/12/2016 17:03

YANBU, we had a little tea party for parents and our siblings to attend, DD is a summer baby and it turned into more of a family BBQ, but I wouldn't do the whole bouncy castle/party bag kids left for a 1yo.

Expecting you to travel 2 hours is ridiculous. Mind you people are very odd - I got an invitation for a gender reveal party (grabby occassion in which a pregnant person and their partner ask for gifts in return for you staring at at a cake which, when cut open, reveals pink or blue to indicate what sex their unborn child is, and their guests apparently have to react in exactly the same way if it's pink or blue ) that is 4 hours away and a most huffy mum to be when I said no!

Lweji · 27/12/2016 17:15

Expecting you to travel 2 hours is ridiculous

Or remember the MN mantra: it's an invitation, not a summons.

SheldonCRules · 27/12/2016 17:19

A one year old won't know it's a party, won't remember the day etc. A cake with parents and siblings for photos is the norm here.

Those that throw parties tend to be the non religious types that have christenings, it's an excuse to gain gifts.

ForTheLoveOfGrace · 27/12/2016 17:28

Well for us it was an excuse to all get together & not have fuse over Christmas (DD was born late Nov) plus it fell on a sat. Couldn't care less about presents in fact asked for none just wanted both sides of the family to get together since our wedding 5 years earlier. So glad we did as DH grandmother died 2 months later. Everyone does it for different reasons though.

Lindy2 · 27/12/2016 17:57

I had parties for both my children at age 1. One was combined with their Christening.
Both were lovely family gatherings that everyone enjoyed.

Rattusn · 27/12/2016 18:09

It's for the parents, but if they want to have one, then there really is no issue.

We did tea and snacks with grandparents at our house. Not a proper party, but the grandparents would have been rather miffed not to be invited. Dd enjoyed the chocolate cake

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