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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh to naked DD

51 replies

FutureMrsRanj · 27/12/2016 16:03

I'm sure IABU because I have a post Christmas grump on, but ever hopeful someone might agree. DD (3) for reasons known only to herself has taken her trousers and knickers off for the millionth time since arriving home after a pub lunch. We woukd obviously prefer she kept at least her knickers on and encouraged her, as usual, to pop something back on. My problem is dh has taken to telling her not to take her clothes off because 'it makes him shy'. Something about this doesn't sit right with me as I feel she should cover her modesty for her, not other people but I can't seem to articulate my feelings without sounding like I just want to have a row with him. So AIBU and nit picking because it really doesn't matter as long as she understands she should keep her clothes on or do others feel the same, and if so can you help me explain myself?

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 27/12/2016 16:04

To be clear, it makes you uncomfortable that he is uncomfortable or that he tells her that he is uncomfortable?

nethunsreject · 27/12/2016 16:05

Ooh, yes his wording is well off! All he needs to say is that everyone needs to wear some pants as it's good manners. When she's a bit bigger, then the NSPCC do a good 'pants' rules thing for kids.

DeleteOrDecay · 27/12/2016 16:08

YANBU, that's a very odd choice of wording by your DH. Why would his 3yo daughter's body make him shy?Confused

Branleuse · 27/12/2016 16:08

I dont think its in the slightest bit unusual or weird for small children to want to strip off at the first opportunity.

I tell mine that noone wants to see other peoples bums and to put some pants back on.

Original poster
FutureMrsRanj · 27/12/2016 16:10

I'm uncomfortable with her telling him to put clothes in because it makes him shy I can't quite explain why I feel like it. Thank you nethuns I might have a quick look at that as she is one for whipping clothes off every time she gets half a chance

OP posts:
Original poster
FutureMrsRanj · 27/12/2016 16:12

To be clear, I don't have a huge problem with her taking her clothes off but she is getting a little older and she does try and take her clothes off everywhere so we are just trying to teach her it's not always ok.

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 27/12/2016 16:13

Yes, I don't get why it makes you uncomfortable. He is just communicating to her that modesty is preferable to running round naked, which you say is what you want to teach her...

lozzylizzy · 27/12/2016 16:14

He is just trying to get the point across that people find others stripping off awkward and uncomfortable and that he has tried to explain it in a way that your DD would understand!

Far too much reading into things tbh!

pklme · 27/12/2016 16:15

I suppose he thinks it's a polite way of saying 'no one wants to see your bare bottom...' Which was my phrase.

ChapstickLegends · 27/12/2016 16:16

I get what you're saying OP.

If my DP said that I'd also think it was a bit off (we have a DD around the same age).

It's not about him!

I'd be telling DD you'll get cold, we wear clothes in public as it's considered polite, and as a PP said, noone wants to see your bum!

I wouldn't be saying, "I feel uncomfortable when you take your clothes off" WTF Confused

scottishdiem · 27/12/2016 16:18

I wondered if it was a way of trying to say that its not ok to take your clothes off without giving her a row or making lack of clothing the actual issue so she learns about how it affects other people. I dont think its a bad approach if other ideas haven't worked so far. I would not be too worried.

Bluntness100 · 27/12/2016 16:18

His choice of wording is very off, it is not what a parent should say, he should just tell her to put her clothes back on as we don't walk around naked,

As for her, this is quite common, a friends daughter at this age used to get her kit off all the time, they once came round and we were making coffee, by the time we into the living room she had ran in there, taken her kit off and was totally naked and dusting the television with her knickers, happy as Larry 😂

TheMortificadosDragon · 27/12/2016 16:18

I'd be inclined to tell her its not very hygienic to have no pants on - because imo that really is the only reason it matters for preschoolers.

I think your DH probably means well, to make it his problem rather than hers iyswm, but as there is no reason for a daddy to be shy with his small DD (doesn't he ever help with baths, bedtime or take her swimming?) you're right, his wording isn't good.

SVJAA · 27/12/2016 16:18

Our 3 yo DD will whip off her trousers and knickers the minute she's home from anywhere. We just ask her to put them back on, or some jammie bums, because it's rude to flash your bum at people. I can see why your DHs wording has got to you a bit, maybe he doesn't realise what he's saying is a bit off?

DotForShort · 27/12/2016 16:19

It makes him shy? That is an odd rationale. What on earth does he mean?

I think the unselfconsciousness of little ones who strip whenever they like is rather adorable. Unless it's too cold for her or there are toilet-training issues, it wouldn't bother me to let her run around naked for a bit. It's a phase that likely won't last long.

ringroads · 27/12/2016 16:23

OP- be honest with your DH, ask him what he meant by his words earlier, you will probably find it wAs just poor choice of words. At least this way you can devise a way of telling your DD to keep her clothes on and this way you will both be saying the same thing.

SaucyJack · 27/12/2016 16:26

I think you're both off.

She's 3, and she's at home with her parents.

Does it matter if she's starkers? It shouldn't.

Original poster
FutureMrsRanj · 27/12/2016 16:26

She took her clothes off at soft play last week so we thought we should try and discourage it, generally I don't care, my other dcs have all had this phase with no lasting ill effects, the thing I find odd is his newly chosen reasoning for her putting clothes on, he's trying to do the right thing and I get it about making it his problem not hers but it is a bit strange imo but I still can't explain why. He probably just heard it somewhere and thought it was a good phrase

OP posts:
EmzDisco · 27/12/2016 16:30

I agree it sounds odd OP, it shouldn't be about how it makes him feel, and shy is an odd word to use. Shy is if you feel socially uneasy, like at a party or meeting new people, not if your little daughter has no clothes on.

As PP it should be about it being good manners to wear some pants, not about her making other people feel shy or embarrassed etc

Footinmouthasusual · 27/12/2016 16:32

Meh she should be told it's not acceptable to run around without pants on as no one wants to see bare bums. His wording is a bit roundabout but it's ok really I think. Just present a united front Grin and tell her to put her pants back on.

For the record I adored my kids but don't find naked toddlers particular cute really. An arse is an arse and best covered.

ZebraOwl · 27/12/2016 16:33

As a PP said, it sounds as if he was trying to use an explanation he thought would make sense to her at 3, but it is one that sounds odd - & makes no sense if he changes/changed nappies/does bathtimes/helps her dress etc! Could someone have suggested it to him maybe?

Could you maybe just say to him you don't want to confuse (& potentially upset) DD re: bathtime etc so could he not use shy; & suggest some other things you can both say instead?

Soubriquet · 27/12/2016 16:34

I can see why you want to encourage clothing if she's taking it off outside the home

If it was at home only, I would ask what the problem was. It doesn't matter if a 3 year old is naked at home

Out and about is a bit different

Your Dh needs to come up with a different response though.

Figure17a · 27/12/2016 16:38

By shy, does he mean embarrassed? I think it's used like that regionally?

That is why we have to be decent in public - even if we'd be comfortable naked, it makes others uncomfortable so it's good manners to cover up.

The bit I'm unsure of here is whether a little dd should need to concern herself with her father's embarrassment at her nudity. I'd let her go naked at home when it's just you tbh.

DeleteOrDecay · 27/12/2016 16:40

And yes to it being normal at this age, our 4yo often strips off although she is good at only doing it at home. We just encourage her to at least wear some pants (not allowed on the sofa if not wearing underwear) or if we are expecting visitors we tell her that there are people coming round so she needs to put her clothes back on now. It doesn't need to be made into some huge thing but your dh's choice of wording is strange.

1horatio · 27/12/2016 16:41

Did DH tell her that it makes him shy?

If that's the case I'd assume that he simply meant that people should wear pants because not doing so makes eother people uncomfortable... considering that she's trying to take her clothes off outside the house this seems like a reasonable thing to say.

Let's be honest explaining why she has to wear them in a child friendly manner isn't exactly easy. and maybe he didn't just want to say that 'people just shouldn't be naked' for example.

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