Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh to naked DD

51 replies

FutureMrsRanj · 27/12/2016 16:03

I'm sure IABU because I have a post Christmas grump on, but ever hopeful someone might agree. DD (3) for reasons known only to herself has taken her trousers and knickers off for the millionth time since arriving home after a pub lunch. We woukd obviously prefer she kept at least her knickers on and encouraged her, as usual, to pop something back on. My problem is dh has taken to telling her not to take her clothes off because 'it makes him shy'. Something about this doesn't sit right with me as I feel she should cover her modesty for her, not other people but I can't seem to articulate my feelings without sounding like I just want to have a row with him. So AIBU and nit picking because it really doesn't matter as long as she understands she should keep her clothes on or do others feel the same, and if so can you help me explain myself?

OP posts:
Bettercallsaul1 · 27/12/2016 16:41

By "shy", he may mean "embarrassed" - ie knowing that it's an inappropriate thing for her to do in public. ( and possibly also embarrassed on her behalf) I agree, though, that it's the wrong phrase to be using and that the emphasis should be on the general rule of no public nudity for anyone, three-year-olds included!

1horatio · 27/12/2016 16:43

However, her being naked at home seems perfectly fine to me...
She's3 and you are her parents. However, considering she did try to do that outside the house having a strict 'pants on' rule may be good.

Ciderandskatesdontmix · 27/12/2016 16:45

Tbh I don't see the problem with your dd being naked at home. It's fine to teach her about covering her modesty out in public but why at home? If she's comfortable then what's the issue? My 4yo ds prefers to be bare bum at home, but he does have a bladder condition and so finds it easier to sense when he needs a wee if he's naked...maybe I've just got used to nude children in my house!!

YorkiesGlasses · 27/12/2016 16:46

He got it wrong on this occasion. Help him come up with something better.

It doesn't matter if a 3 year old is naked at home

Three year olds don't tend to have perfect toilet habits. It matters for that reason if no other!

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 27/12/2016 16:46

She's 3 and he's her dad.

What makes him embarrassed/shy?

Really odd.

BlueFolly · 27/12/2016 16:51

I think that response would bug me as I can't imagine feeling anything but neutral seeing my own kids bits.

hutchblue · 27/12/2016 16:53

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

Bettercallsaul1 · 27/12/2016 16:54

I think he says he means he is embarrassed/awkward/"shy" because he knows her behaviour is inappropriate in public. Presumably he wouldn't feel this way if DD disrobes in her own home with just immediate family present.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 27/12/2016 16:58

Yes, but they are not in public.

Hygiene reasons, yes, but modesty?
She's almost still a baby.

lougle · 27/12/2016 17:12

My DH found it hard to accept our girls running around naked when they were little because in his family nudity was a Big.Thing. he has never seen his parents naked (well he once caught a sideways glance at what he thinks might have been his Mum's nipple through a darkened doorway and was utterly traumatised). He was also very firmly brought up that boys do not see girls 'private areas' unless they are married. I, however, was brought up in complete contrast, and my Mum and Dad both walked around naked freely whenever the occasion arose, and even now they wouldn't feel at all embarrassed if I was to see them naked.

So DH and I had to do a lot of talking about nakedness, what it conveys and that it only conveys sexuality if you want it to - that for the girls, as toddlers/young girls, they were completely unaware that their bodies were different to men's and would one day be seen as attractive to men, so it really was just an innocent freedom to run around naked. It helped DH to understand that. So he didn't feel the discomfort from being with them when they took clothes off as fast as we put them on. At the same time, we taught our girls that if people come to visit we wear clothes.

Now, DD2 (10) is starting to develop, so I've explained that it isn't appropriate to walk around topless any more, because her body is starting to gradually turn into a lady's body.

I don't think 'embarrassed' or 'shy' was inappropriate.

diddl · 27/12/2016 17:13

Embarrassed in his own home by a half dressed 3yr old?

Shouldn't she do the MN apology-"sorry you feel like that" & carry on?Grin

It shouldn't matter at home imo.

Grilledaubergines · 27/12/2016 17:16

So his choice of wording isn't your choice of wording?

Couldn't get het up. YABU

Original poster
FutureMrsRanj · 27/12/2016 17:17

To confirm, he isn't shy at all, he's actually quite a naked person, more so than me, and doesn't really care at all, hence finding him saying it at all a little strange.

OP posts:
Namechangeemergency · 27/12/2016 17:19

Isn't her dad just explaining things to her in what he thinks is an age appropriate way?
It sounds as if he is using words he thinks she will understand.

Children that age need simple, clear instructions and explainations.

Why are people feeling 'uncomfortable' about it?

Not everyone cares about kids running around with no pants on but some people do. It doesn't make them odd or weird or whatever.

I didn't mind my kids doing it. Most of them go through a stage of stripping off. But I don't think its a problem if other parents insist on pants on or how they word it as long as they are not saying 'you are a wicked, immoral child, get some pants on to cover your lustful areas!'

Blacksox · 27/12/2016 17:20

Strange choice of words, but it wouldn't bother me.

I think mine were naked almost all of the time at that age.

LittleBooInABox · 27/12/2016 17:22

I used the 'what's in your pants is private' line and it worked a treat on DS. Google it, I think it was childline who coined the phrase.

Olympiathequeen · 27/12/2016 17:24

I think you yourself have summed up what I feel. It's no big deal anyway, but I would encourage pants at least just for hygiene sake. I really wouldn't fancy a child's naked nether regions sat in my lap!

DontOpenDeadInside · 27/12/2016 17:27

DD is 6 (7 in March) and is forever naked in the house (knickers on though) The other day my SB and silver were here and she had the decency to wear her dressing gown, but when they were leaving, they had literally just walked out the door and she whipped it off a-la Bruce Almighty. Grin

DontOpenDeadInside · 27/12/2016 17:28

DB and SIL*

Scooby20 · 27/12/2016 17:33

So essentially this about the word.

Yabu. Sometimes we all don't communicate well .

WonderWombat · 27/12/2016 17:43

I think it's sexualising a small child and saying that small children have to be responsible for adult emotions.

Just having a more objective rule about places and times where nakedness is not appropriate - because big children - as opposed to babies - keep pants on their bottom half during the day, would seem sensible.

1horatio · 27/12/2016 17:47

Isn't her dad just explaining things to her in what he thinks is an age appropriate way?
It sounds as if he is using words he thinks she will understand

Exactly. But I do think there are better ways to say that. I really like the explanation of 'what's in your pants is private'.

FizzySweeties · 27/12/2016 17:57

I would say to your DH directly "Don't tell DD it makes you shy. We don't want her to get a complex that her bare body makes her own parents shy (note: her own parents, not her own dad). Let's (note: you and I, not just you, DH Wink ) tell her that nobody wants to see someone's bare bottom at a time when it should be covered (i.e., not bath time or toilet time). That's all she needs to know."

If he wants to go into more detail over that, I would then say (to my own DH at least) that "shy" makes it about him and not just not stripping off in general. So it would be OK if he wasn't there because it's only Daddy feeling shy is that problem? No. It's because it's just not considered the right behaviour in certain situations.

I have 3 DCs and they are very body confident but they know that stripping off including pants etc is a no-no unless it's bedtime/bathtime.

Rattusn · 27/12/2016 18:05

It's odd wording, and not particularly good English, but I don't see any big issue.

A 'we always keep knickers on' would be clearer and easier for her to understand.

As you know, it is perfectly normal behaviour. Like you, I also insisted on knickers as a minimum while at home, due to hygiene reasons (bare bottoms on sofas)

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 27/12/2016 18:09

Obviously, this is second nature for toddlers to strip off, at every opportunity !
I think his choice of wording is wrong.
He needs to tell your little one, to put her pants on, her bottom will get cold, and you don't see people walking around without their pants.
That should be enough for now !
I was quite fortunate really, that my child wore glasses. I'd say, whenever you are wearing your glasses, you should also, be wearing your pants ! 🙄