Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stress over age worse for fertility than age itself?

27 replies

Sweetpeagardener · 26/12/2016 10:23

I have secondary infertility. I'm starting to worry about my age (35 in Feb)
BUT now I'm worrying that worrying and stress over the issue will cause more harm than my actual age itself ?

Is 35 really that bad? If I stay healthy, eat well and minimise stress surely that makes more difference than my age or is it true that I'm staring over a cliff edge in terms of my fertility ?
AIBU to think that if stop stressing about age then it'll help ? Stress is harmful to the body isn't it-more so than age ?

OP posts:
Manumission · 26/12/2016 10:28

Stress is pretty terrible for most physical systems I think.

I'm not totally on board with the MN trope that 35 is actually young to be TTCing (I'm sure you'll get plenty of those posts), but it isn't "old" to be TTC.

Kitsandkids · 26/12/2016 10:29

It's taken my 9 years to get pregnant naturally. I'm now 35 and 13 weeks pregnant. So for me, it seems my body is ready now when it wasn't in my 20s!

eatsleepfeedrepeat · 26/12/2016 10:29

I think the effects of stress or of positive thinking are over estimated. As is the assertion that fertility drops off a cliff at 35, it's a much more gradual decline. Have you had an investigations regarding your fertility?

MrsBobDylan · 26/12/2016 10:32

This is only my personal view but I don't really believe stress stops conception, so I would take that out of the equation. And 34 is still young conception wise and leaves lots of time if you need some help conceiving.

Sorry you are struggling.Flowers

Wolverbamptonwanderer · 26/12/2016 10:35

I know it's easy to question everything when trying to get pregnant (and I'm so sorry to hear about your bad luck so far) but I think stress is over estimated. It's egg meets sperm. If you're very very stressed (and that's usually a major life event) you may skip a cycle. But I'm sure you're tracking ovulation etc so you would probably have a fairly good idea if that's the case?

I don't think 35 is old for fertility btw. 40 is old

Jenny70 · 26/12/2016 10:35

Whilst I think stress does affect fertility, I think age does make the most difference above the age of 35. The most chilled, relaxed 45 year old will not fall pregnant as a stressed person of 25... but neither are the full picture both play a role in fertility, and each person will have a different reaction to stress/age in terms of falling pregnant.

Original poster
Sweetpeagardener · 26/12/2016 10:37

I have high AMH but that's PCOS so, really, not sure how indicative of good fertility the level is for me as PCOS has probably skewed it
I dont know if I'm talking sense or just reassuring myself with the stress is worse than age issue but I'm sure getting wound up about hitting 35 can't have any positive effect

OP posts:
Figgygal · 26/12/2016 10:38

I worried about this too I had ds at 30 after 2 tries started ttc again when I turned 34 it took a year during which time I didn't ovulate every month and had started having 21 day bloods done and was on cusp of referral for further investigations when got pg the month I turned 35. The only thing I could see was different in that time was I got a kidney infection the month before and lost a few pounds which took me down to sane weight as when I fell pg first time. Ds2 is now 10wks old.

What investigations have you had? How long have you been trying?

Original poster
Sweetpeagardener · 26/12/2016 10:42

I have PCOS that's my main issue (not weight related though so can't lose any as then BMI will be too low)
And age apparently but I've been reading so many books that as far as I can see stress can cause a lot of issues and I've been worrying I'm just too old now.
Planning on starting some relaxation type classes/mindfulness stuff to have some stress free time. Probably has no real effect but time I'm not stressing is still time I'm not stressing

So, 35-40 is not too bad ? After 40 is the big drop?

OP posts:
Manumission · 26/12/2016 10:43

Let's put it this way; Will getting incredibly tightly wound help in any imaginable way? Of course not.

So a low-stress lifestyle , along with optimal physical health, is a sensible thing to aim for. Achieving one without the other is unlikely in any case.

Then make a medical plan. It's easier to stay calm with a plan.

Daisies123 · 26/12/2016 10:46

I conceived naturally aged 35 after four years of trying- have probable PCOS. (I gave birth aged 36 and was classed as an older mother but didn't have all the extra checks you get if you're pregnant 40+).

Stress did play a part,but only in the sense that when you're stressed and knackered from work and commuting having the amount of sex necessary to conceive when you don't have a regular cycle made it really hard for us.

Original poster
Sweetpeagardener · 26/12/2016 10:47

Thankyou, feeling a bit more reassured that I'm not quite over the hill!

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 26/12/2016 10:51

If stress had that much of an impact, then anyone living in Poverty/abusive relationships/war zones/unstable situations, would have a major pregnancy/birth decline and they don't.

You can check your fertility levels. In general fertility declines and so does the possibility of a live birth, as you age, but it varies Woman to Woman and also male fertility aging.

Daisies123 · 26/12/2016 10:52

We had some investigations but found that stressful too so decided against pursuing fertility treatment. I found out I was pregnant six weeks after that - it was the 20th cycle I charted over four years!

Some people find the charting stressful but I really liked knowing when I was going to have a period! Although my body tended to go thru several attempts at ovulation before actually doing it and you never knew until afterwards whether it had or not... I found the TCOYF book the most helpful.

Wolverbamptonwanderer · 26/12/2016 10:52

It's sort of impossible to say- I think tbf your PCOS is going to affect your fertility more than your age can. But I think it's perfectly normal now to have pregnancies at 35. All my friends had their first at over 35

Birdsgottafly · 26/12/2016 10:57

My DD has found mindfulness really useful, whilst my GDD had constipation from new born and also just from the shock of having a baby 24/7 and the emotional upheaval, of being a new Mum.

So it's worth doing.

Katedotness1963 · 26/12/2016 11:17

I have PCOS. After 14 years of trying we had our eldest when I was 36. His brother came along when I was 38. Clomid had done no good and I had both children without any fertility treatments. We'd actually given up hope of having a family by the time I got pregnant, and I missed the symptoms (not that I really had any) for 17 weeks the first time and 14 the second.

Lovelyholiday · 26/12/2016 11:26

Ive just turned 40 and currently 22 weeks pregnant. I also got pregnant accidentally at 36, all my fertility checks at 39 were good ( i also dont feel 40 or too old 😉)

Mari50 · 26/12/2016 11:37

I have secondary infertility but I conceived my DD at 35! I have many friends who conceived post 35 including two mistakes so I wouldn't be thinking about age too much just now. Once you're in your 40's then age is more of an issue re fertility. Good luck xx

haveacupoftea · 26/12/2016 13:46

Stress didnt stop me getting pregnant, the effects are totally overestimated.

35 is not ideal, but not that bad! Just get cracking and you'll be ok.

BillSykesDog · 26/12/2016 14:21

As far as actual fertility interventions go, like IUI and IVF, if you get that far PCOS is actually a positive factor after 35. As you don't or rarely ovulate it means you have more eggs left which is a bonus especially for IVF.

Stress has a role to play, but all fertility treatment is stressful and it does often work so it's not decisive. Acupuncture manages stress and has been shown in several studies to dramatically improve the chances of treatment working and also reduces stress. Other things like a holiday or break just pre treatment or a massage, meditation or even just a few quiet walks or some peace and quiet can help. A lot of fertility clinics have mindfulness counsellors and if you get that far.

BillSykesDog · 26/12/2016 14:22

Oh I had no children at 32 and 3 at 38 (2 of those after 35) so it's not impossible. I have PCOS.

Claireshh · 26/12/2016 14:28

Sweet pea have you heard of Metformin? I have PCOS. I had miscarriage after my first pregnancy and then failed to conceive again. I was referred to a specialist and an ultrasound showed I had PCOS. I was prescribed Metformin and told to look at the Deanna plan online (tracking ovulation and then having lots and lots of sex). I fell pregnant the second month of doing this.

I took Metformin throughout pregnancy plus baby aspirin on the advice of my consultant.

I did exactly the same for our second child.

DailyFail1 · 26/12/2016 16:40

I've had pcos since I was 9. Chances at conceiving at 21 are about the same as conceiving as 37 as I have known fertility problems. It's prob better now because as least I'm getting treatment.

Conversely I have friends and colleagues with no fertility problems who find getting pregnant at 45 just as easy as they did at 25. The age stats use IVF data for women with problems and 300 year old data for those without. Sad truth is if you don't have fertility problems you will never have a problem getting problem right up until peri-menopause.

broodypsycho · 26/12/2016 18:56

OP women are getting pregnant well into their 40s now, and I don't think stress plays a part in infertility, it is better if you relax but not essential. ibe been trying to conceive now for 2 years so I know being told to not stress is just waste of time! good luck

Swipe left for the next trending thread