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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think MILs are public enemy no 1?

100 replies

cherrycrumblecustard · 25/12/2016 21:44

Xmas Smile

Never knew my MIL. But AIBU to be angry she has a name I don't like,mass it's now my DDs middle name and this spoilt Christmas?

What has your MIL done?

OP posts:
MoonriseKingdom · 26/12/2016 08:16

While I don't doubt there are some awful MILs I do think some people who post on here are overly sensitive. My PIL are quite different to me in lots of ways but they are lovely people and dote on my 2 children. I am grateful that my DDs have so many people in their lives that love them. My FIL found out his cancer had returned this year. I must admit I have had a few little cries on my own about this.

FutureMrsRanj · 26/12/2016 08:20

I was ill yesterday, mine ran around cooking, washing up and entertaining everyone. In my house. Obviously it was all done in a passive aggressive way so I will go nc in the new year - after she looks after us all today of course.

Banana25 · 26/12/2016 08:22

My mother in law can be lovely. Like most of the worlds population she can also be an inconsiderate twat. Like selectively forgetting my fertility issues, and banging on at length about when are we going to give her a grandchild...

But she has so many lovely qualities I can forgive her. Almost.

Scooby20 · 26/12/2016 08:28

My dh always organises my gifts from Mil. And kids gifts too.

Mil did attempt to start a religious converstation with my mum at the table. They are polar opposites on religion. Dh tried to intervene but mil carried on. Until I stood up and told her to pack it in and I would come back when I wasn't on the verge of losing my rag.

10 mins later we were all fine. No huge drama, no going no contact or anything. It was very drama free. My mum is upset, horrified or devastated. Mil is either.

Personally I am not sure mils can win. Especially on MN. They make any mistake, even with good intentions, and they are ripped apart. Mil does something and dils are devastated, hurt and 'beyond angry'.

abbsisspartacus · 26/12/2016 08:29

I nearly married a man his family were so nice unfortunately he was an aggressive cheating bastard

I wish she had been my mil Grin

CigarsofthePharoahs · 26/12/2016 08:31

People don't start threads about MILs they get on with. You never get an AIBU "to actually enjoy being with my mil" or even "My MIL and I are very different people so will probably never be friends but we respect each other's boundaries and opinions."
People just don't post threads where nothing much has happened, what would be the point?
We usually only see threads about extreme behaviours, so it can come across as a bit anti MIL at times. Yes, it's good to bear in mind there are two sides to each story, but there are horrible people in the world and some of them are MILs.
Most threads I see where the OP is being unreasonable are called out on it.

Scooby20 · 26/12/2016 08:41

cigar Why aren't there many threads about file though?

abbsisspartacus · 26/12/2016 08:45

They are included in a lot of threads they are dead/step parent or enablers

RebelandaStunner · 26/12/2016 08:59

My Mil is genuinely a really nice kind person. Yes she does and says crazy annoying things occasionally. No one's perfect.

QueenoftheAndals · 26/12/2016 08:59

The only MIL I've ever had was a cow. But half the time when I see MN posts about MILs from hell, I read it and see that the problem is actually with a spineless DH.

BabySnores · 26/12/2016 09:37

My Mil is the worst, she brought lush port last Christmas and some gorgeous cheeses. She then kept topping me up me at the table and produced cake when I was merry lol.

She's great. Just like most people can once in a while she annoys dh and I, as I'm sure we do to her. We get extra points this year though sadly no port, we gave her and fill their first gdc.

BabySnores · 26/12/2016 09:39

First born gdc*

My brothers gf family though...totally toxic. I feel for them both.

SpookyPotato · 26/12/2016 11:52

I love mine, she's ace. I do think some women are automatically on the defensive with their MILs even when they're not doing anything wrong, but I do believe there are many, many shit ones out there too. Some of the things I read on here make me very grateful that both my families are never a source of stress. Some PIL from that generation can be really difficult.

Nameforsaken · 26/12/2016 11:56

I made a thrwad complaining about mil and her pile of gifts. But ither than that I like her, she's lovely.
I also (and many on here too) make threads complaining about dh & dc, they do things that annoy me, I do things that annoy them. But I still like them.
It's a place to vent is it not?

Falalalafffffffttt · 26/12/2016 12:12

I'm jealous of all you with lovely mils. I have tried with mine over the past 10 years but I realised this year that I have had enough and gone minimal contact. I've rarely met a more selfish, passive/aggressive, negative person who can suck the joy out of a room almost instantly. Thankfully DH recognises this and limits her contact with us and DS.
It makes me sad because we don't have any other family here.

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/12/2016 12:36

Scooby20
"cigar Why aren't there many threads about file though?"

I suspect because they are either in abusive relationships and just go with the flow for an easy life or they have left and either have nothing or very little to do with their children.

Mulberry72 · 26/12/2016 12:48

My MIL and I have had our spats over the years but nothing too serious, she made a few strange comments when DH and I first got together but she began to warm to me and we get on fine now.

She really came through for me when my DM passed away suddenly (diagnosed with cancer and died 4 weeks later) she was amazing and continues to be so. I think both of us realise that life is too short to be permanently offended and that actually we do quite like each other after all Smile

Katedotness1963 · 26/12/2016 12:53

We got married in my home country. Since it was a small wedding and the trip would be a big expense my in laws decided not to come. Perfectly understandable.
A couple of years later we moved to husbands home country and I met the in laws for the first time. That evening the gave us a cheque as a wedding present.
A couple of days later I came back from walking the dogs to find husband and mil had gone out on an errand.

The errand? They took the cheque and opened an account in her name and his. I was left off it. The address printed on the cheques was the pil's address. I have no idea what the idea behind it was. My husband was in the military at the time and if he was sent away I'd have had no access to the account.

When my eldest was born my mil told me the reason for his colic was my milk was bad.

A year later my husband got out of the military and we had to live with them while we got established in their country. One afternoon I was in the kitchen and heard mil complaining about having us there, how inconvenient it was, how we were always underfoot. I talked with mu husband that evening and we decided I would take my son and go back to my home country as this was the only thing we could see to help the situation. After we left my mil went to my husband and asked why I had taken son away close to Christmas. My husband told them we knew it was a big strain on them and we though this was best (grandparent both lived in the house as they were too ill to live on their own anymore).

Mil lied. Said no such conversation had taken place an I obviously just wanted to leave to hurt her. Causes huge problem between my husband and I, almost ended our marriage, truth came out when sil said she had been there and heard the complaints.

There have been lots of other little things over the years. I have nothing to do with her anymore. Life is too short to put up with her crap. Husband and kids keep in touch with her.

FuckYouDailyMail · 26/12/2016 13:15

My MIL is an absolute fruit loop. I adore this about her Grin

Krampus · 26/12/2016 13:31

Inlaw issues are more likely to get posted on on aibu. Some of the issues may not be earth shattering but may leave someone frustrated and confused. Why, why did another adult come to my house and do xxx????? Parental issues are more likely to end up in Relationships.

cherrycrumblecustard · 26/12/2016 13:32

Peggy I was just joking/being silly! Xmas Smile

OP posts:
Bearfrills · 26/12/2016 14:00

But half the time when I see MN posts about MILs from hell, I read it and see that the problem is actually with a spineless DH.

DH went NC with MIL a whole year and a half before I did, turned out I was the spineless one in that scenario Grin

And FIL/stepFIL don't get as much of a mention when I post because she's no longer with either of them so they've never been all that involved with her dramas except when she's taking it out on them (FIL tells her it's nothing to do with him and to leave him out of it, stepFIL used to try and make us go along with her until DH told him point blank that if he kept getting involved it would end up affecting their relationship so now he doesn't mention MIL or what she wants).

hungryhippo90 · 26/12/2016 15:08

Mine brought her son up to be an old irresponsible eejit!
She has many redeeming qualities, like having me over for Christmas despite having left her son.
I do love her, she has really been wonderful to me since I lost contact with my mum.

I hope to be a mother in law like her one day.

Crunchymum · 26/12/2016 15:13

My MIL has just sent FIL round with left over turkey, her amazing stuffing and cranberry sauce.

I'm ill, have been fantasising about turkey and haven't eaten all day.

Fucking love my MIL (and FIL)

Enkopkaffetak · 26/12/2016 16:32

Love my MIL she is wonderful. Very worried about her though she has had a very tough year with much sickness and is now really struggling.

wasn't made better yesterday when I took her home and helped her get her pjs on before I left. She is soooo thin Sad Really not sure she will be with us next Christmas ...

Dont like her first name much but middlename is wonderful.

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