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AIBU?

OH fucked off just before dinner was ready

82 replies

Natsku · 25/12/2016 20:24

He just disappeared without saying where he was going or anything and his phone was off. Me and DD were really worried, DD was scared that something had happened to him. We ate dinner just the two of us while I tried to get in contact with his friends, eventually got one to go and look for him. He found him at the house of a complete deadbeat, who he doesn't like so I have no idea why he was there.

He's on his way home and I am sure I am not being unreasonable to be absolutely fuming. He has barely been around all day, on Christmas fucking Day, and then does this right at dinner time, when I've spent days preparing this meal. I don't know what to say to him when he gets here, don't have the words for how upset I am.

OP posts:

Report

Starlight2345 · 25/12/2016 21:14

I thought the same pregnant.

sophiestew · 25/12/2016 21:18

drugs

Blondeshavemorefun · 25/12/2016 21:18

ditto, how/why did friend go to the 'deadbeats' house, what made him to know/go there?

ragz134 · 25/12/2016 21:29

Another one here thinking drugs. I have several friends/relatives with ADHD who self medicate with illegal drugs (mostly weed). In the early days of our relationship my DH hid a heroin habit from me for nearly a year. It does happen...

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 25/12/2016 21:48

Not all prostitutes are female.

SavageBeauty73 · 25/12/2016 22:14

Drugs.

I'm divorcing an addict and he did this all the time.

Natsku · 25/12/2016 22:53

You lot were right, it was drugs. He admitted he's been using too much of his ADHD medicines and he went to buy some amphetamine tonight. His friend figured that out because he was with OH earlier in the day and noticed his behaviour was all 'speedy'.

We've had a long talk, he says he has a problem and he wants to stop. I want to believe him but I am worried, I can't put up with this again. I've told him he needs to go to his doctor and explain that he is abusing his medicine and cannot be prescribed it any more because if it stays on his prescription he will get desperate while trying to kick the addiction and get some more. If he goes to the doctor and actually tells him all this then maybe I can believe it.

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Ohdearducks · 25/12/2016 22:59

L T B. It's all bullshit to keep you hanging on.

Natsku · 25/12/2016 23:06

It might be but my gut tells me its not, I think he really is addicted and needs help to stop but possibly that helps needs to be in the form of rehab or something. But I need to also start making the necessary actions in case I do need to LTB (set aside money etc.) because if he doesn't start trying to deal with this I won't be able to cope, too much stress of my own to deal with extra. I don't want to leave, he's been my rock in these last few years when I've been through a lot of shit with my ex and family worries but got to weigh up the point at which its worse for me to stay, I guess.

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CheshireChat · 25/12/2016 23:06

Or he gets clean and then you'll see if you're still willing to take him back. And that way you'd be protecting your DD as well.

Natsku · 25/12/2016 23:08

Does he, to your knowledge, use any drugs other than his meds?

Cannabis sometimes, not for quite a while though. He has told me that in the past though he's gone through addiction to benzos after being prescribed them for a long time so he's very susceptible to addiction I think.

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PeteSwotatoes · 25/12/2016 23:16

If he has a previous addiction then he's just moved on to a new substance. I am shocked that his doctor prescribed highly addictive adHD meds when he has a history of addiction. That was very careless.

gillybeanz · 25/12/2016 23:31

This is drugs OP, that's why he was at this persons house on christmas day, so sorry.

PickAChew · 25/12/2016 23:35

There are ADHD meds without such issues for people with a history or risk of addiction - in this country, it's Strattera (a particular beta blocker is available in some countries which can be very effective). Protocol has people moved off ritalin or its analogues or adderal if adiction is even the vaguest risk, so I'm surprised he's on either if he has a serious history.

DorindaJ · 25/12/2016 23:37

What CheshireChat said.

PeteSwotatoes · 25/12/2016 23:41

A beta blocker wouldn't make someone appear speedy, which ops DH was behaving like when he abused his meds.

PickAChew · 25/12/2016 23:42

It's the non speedy drugs that he should be on, Pete!

PeteSwotatoes · 25/12/2016 23:44

I think I misconstrued, I thought you were suggesting he may already be on a non speedy. Sorry!

Natsku · 25/12/2016 23:46

Not sure his addiction before was ever serious, at least not enough to need medical help, but he said he did tell the doctor about abusing drugs. I am wondering now if he really did, or if the doctor just did a really crappy job but I'll look into Strattera and Protocol. His doctor prescribed Concerta and Medikinet. He's asked me to get rid of all his leftover meds rather than just hide them and he's asked me to talk with his friend about this and explain it all (its his best friend who he spends a lot of time with so he really needs to know how serious this is).

I want to help him, but I will not if he doesn't try his best himself.

OP posts:

Oldraver · 25/12/2016 23:53

He's asked me to get rid of all his leftover meds rather than just hide them and he's asked me to talk with his friend about this and explain it all (its his best friend who he spends a lot of time with so he really needs to know how serious this is).

No, he cant make you responsible for his misuse of drugs..he needs to deal with this himself

Natsku · 25/12/2016 23:58

I don't think he can deal with this by himself though.

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mygorgeousmilo · 25/12/2016 23:59

Sounds like a drug addict, and they can hide it well on normal days, but Christmas Day when everyone is under each other's feet.... he just bolted. That was my first thought. Sorry OP but I wouldn't be able to ignore this it's disgraceful behaviour

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PeteSwotatoes · 26/12/2016 00:01

You are at risk of becoming the caretaker half of a codependent relationship with an addict. He didn't approach you for help, you are trying to do all the helping for him. Hiding his meds or disposing of them will just create resentment eventually.

I would LTB until he's clean.

Rockingaround · 26/12/2016 00:15

Yes, from what I can gather you've had a difficult time with your DD's father, she deserves stability and a "safe" predictable environment with her mum, who is emotionally available and there for her. I'm
not suggesting she doesn't have that now, but life can spiral so rapidly when treating/dealing with addiction.

You and your DD deserve some peace, you just can't look after this guy, you need to care for yourself and your DD. He needs to care for himself and make some changes and choices about what he wants/needs,
In not being there for him, you're probably being cruel to be kind; he'll have more of an incentive to take responsibility for his health. Im sorry if I sound harsh but this journey he's on will suck the life out of you and you just can't afford the risks involved, you have enough to deal with in providing a safe, loving and appropriate environment/home for your DD and yourself

Natsku · 26/12/2016 00:21

I hear what you are all saying about needing to get away until he is clean. I'm going to really consider it when my mind is straight and I'm able to think clearly. I need to figure out what's best for me and DD but I also do love OH and want what's best for him too. But maybe living apart while he deals with this might be best, just need to figure out how to do it.

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